So I finally gave in to Jamie Lee Curtis’ endless screeching about how wonderful Activia is and asked Earl to pick up a four pack of the brew the last time he went grocery shopping.

The latest round of commercials featuring Ms. Curtis have her licking spoons and telling the world how great this stuff is for both men and women because the active cultures (scientifically known as Tootis Poopis Doopis) are suppose to aid the digestion of people who’s plumbing apparently starts to fail in the middle years of their life.

Despite Ms. Curtis’ glee about regular bowel movements and her ease of achieving such regularity, I think her claims are full of shit.

I have had a raging headache since I ate my first batch of the crap on Sunday and the headaches have not let up. Today I announced to Earl, via corporate email mind you, that I was chucking the rest of that crap inducing crap away and that I would be drinking three times my normal intake amount of water in efforts to get the Tootis Poopis Doopis out of my system, pronto.

Earl advised that I should just eat more salad. I couldn’t agree more.

So instead of embracing the brief moment of insanity I had when Jamie Lee Curtis convinced me to coach my bowels along, I will return to my previously scheduled on going struggle to not kick in the screen of the television when I see her proclaim how sweet smelling her gas is because of Activia.

One thing I pondered briefly: do the active bacteria in Activia wave back when a person is getting a colonscopy? That might be kind of startling.