Why.

Sources close to Sony/Screen Gems have confirmed the greenlight for a remake of “Bewitched”. Beyonce has signed on to star as Samantha Stephens, the famous role originated by Elizabeth Montgomery.

Dionne Warwick has signed on to play Samantha’s mother Endora. When asked for comment, Ms. Warwick simply said, “gurl, I knew all those years at the psychic network would pay off!”

Sherri Shepard has been approached to play nosy-neighbor Gladys Kravitz, however, her commitments to “The View” are preventing her from joining this reimagining of the top-rated 60s series. The source could not firm further rumors that Barbara Walters is considering releasing Sherri from her contract. In moments of senility, Ms. Walters said she could be persuaded if she was considered to play the role of Mr. Ed.

Sony expects the series to debut 4/1/14.

One of the cool theories behind excessive use of technology is that it should reduce the amount of paper we use. Hasn’t that always been a mantra, to try to go as paperless as possible?

I just stood in line at the post office awaiting my turn. The customer in front of me had a parcel waiting. The clerk scanned it and the parcel came up COD. Theoretically, there was money due. The customer should not have been given the parcel until he paid for the contents.

The concept of COD still being around is quite humorous to me. I haven’t bought anything COD in a couple of decades. The last time we had any sort of postage due was when an overzealous couple didn’t put enough postage on their wedding invitations and we had to pay for the privilege to RSVP, but even that was eons ago.

The clerk scanned the package numerous times and the computer insisted that it was COD. There was some drama about trying to get out of the proper screens and the like but the clerk didn’t believe the computer because there was no COD paperwork attached to the package. So she just gave the guy the package.

This is the same postal service that just eliminated the priority mail confirmation form to go as paper free as possible.

So after the guy got the free COD package it was my turn. I had one envelope to send with confirmation. The clerk put a little sticker on my envelope. I paid in cash and then the same postal service that is trying to go paper free spewed this monstrosity of a receipt at me.

This is your government efficiency at its best.

People, gay men in particular, that hyperventilate and get downright evil when a man decides to shave his beard down to a goatee or grow a beard or change it up a bit and go with just a mustache need to calm the hell down. It’s not the critic’s face and quite frankly it’s none of their business. When I read comments from others about someone’s decision to change it up a bit and they scream in anguish usually reserved for the likes of nuclear explosions, plagues and famine, someone needs a reminder to keep things in perspective.

When I shaved off my handlebar mustache for charity last fall you would have sworn I had just slapped my grandmother and sold her into slavery. Shaving off that monstrosity of a mustache boosted my self esteem ten-fold and it made me feel good about myself. Will I grow another one? Perhaps.

A fellow blogger recently shaved his big beard down to a mustache. The cries from the peanut gallery sound like he just betrayed his country and sold the launch codes to the Russians. Calm down people, it’s only facial hair and odds are he’ll grow another beard someday.

I enjoy looking at beards. I also enjoy mustaches and clean shaven faces. But what’s more important is the person inside. There’s a lot of beautiful people out there and they all look different and can choose to change how they look without needing to hear judgment and the like.

I was recently chastised by a beard fan because my charity “promoted the destruction of facial hair”. No, my charitable efforts helped raise money for homeless kids, and if losing a mustache for a while was going to help a teen sleep somewhere other than the streets then I’m going to shave it off and raise the money.

This has been bugging me for a while and I finally felt the need to get it off my chest. It’s only hair. It’ll grow back when the owner wants it to.

He’s still the same guy inside.

Earl is watching “American Idol” off the DVR as I type. I grew tired of this show years ago but Earl holds the torch and watches with jaded interest. I can’t take the caterwauling.

I took a cursory glance as I found something else to do, namely fold laundry, and quite frankly, this show where they announced the newest Top 10 has to be one of the most awkwardly staged shows I’ve seen in a while. The huge audience can’t see the results, the judges can’t see the results, only the home audience sees the secret announcement. The announcer says in a hushed whisper, “The password is AWKWARD.” After Ryan Seacrest (he’s grown enough to shave like a big boy now!) makes one of the contestants burst into tears, they walk down a makeshift hallway, making small talk through the tears and then they stand in the dark. Once in the dark, Ryan has an awkward conversation with the contestant, who has absolutely no lights on them. They didn’t even try a half-light.

After they talk in the dark, well Ryan is lit up but the contestant isn’t, they open the stage doors so they can see the judges reaction. Then they show the audience. Oh, then they have the contestant sing off-key to a karaoke track with the mic turned up to only 1, maybe 2, while the backing track is at 15. The woo-woo people are louder than the contestant.

What the hell.

“American Idol” has become such a train wreck that I truly missed the days when they dressed the judges up like Klingons.

So the weather is getting really crappy. This morning it was clear and the roads were bare but now that it is lunch time there is a couple of inches of snow on the ground. They’re telling us that the snow will change over the sleet and ice just in time for the commute home.

And I forgot to put the ice skates on the Jeep today.

I normally don’t mind driving in any kind of weather, after all, I am known for driving right into the middle of severe thunderstorms and trying to get as close to tornadic activity as possible, but one of the things that makes all this stuff troublesome is the other drivers on the road. Driving to Dunkin’ Donuts a little while ago, the woman in the car in front of me turned her left turn signal on and then proceeded to make a right turn, where she then swung her car around and zoomed across the three lanes to make her intended left hand turn. The weather makes the bad drivers worse and it makes the crazy people crazier. I always talk about this sort of thing and you’d think after 44 years I’d be used to crazy drivers during a snow storm but I’m not.

I don’t know where all the common sense falls to in times like these but I wish people would stop for a moment and pick that common sense back up. It’s quite valuable.

The recent shooting of firemen in Webster, N.Y. had me thinking a little bit during my drive this morning. For those unfamiliar with the tragedy, an armed man set fire to a house and called the fire department. When the firefighters arrived on the scene, he shot at them, killing two of the men. He just wanted to kill people that day.

This got me to thinking a little bit. When I was commuting on a daily basis, it wouldn’t be a rare event to see a car off the road along the Thruway during the winter months. Driving in Central New York between November and April can be a challenge if you’re not accustomed to the adverse winter conditions this area is known for. I would often see cars with out-of-state plates sitting in the middle of the roadway or off in a median. If it looked like it just happened, I would stop and make sure the driver was ok and see if they needed to make a phone call or something. I’ve always thought that it was the right thing to do. I figure if people are driving on the Thruway with out-of-state plates and they’ve gone off the road, they’re probably not familiar with the area and could use a little help.

Here’s the thing. The shooting in Webster has me rethinking this. And quite frankly, that’s unfortunate. Who’s to say that there isn’t some maniac sitting in the car waiting for a Good Samaritan to stop by. Naturally one would hope that this isn’t the case, but with all the negativity in the world today, quite frankly it would be hard to know for sure. And to me, this boggles the mind and quite frankly it is very sad.

Ultimately I’ll probably take my chances if in that situation again. This morning I saw a car go sliding up the Thruway sideways because they were driving very fast and without their headlights in the unplowed left hand lane of the roadway. The driver righted the car and it looked like it was on its way again without incident, but had there been an incident, would people be inclined to stop and help them? Human Nature hopes the answer is yes, but with all the weirdness in the country these days, it’s hard to tell.

Earl and I were somewhere along Interstate 10 between Baton Rouge and New Orleans, during our vacation a few weeks ago, when we stopped at a McDonalds so we could use the bathroom. It was a relatively lonely place in rural Louisiana and the McDonalds had only a few people in the restaurant. Earl and I zipped to the back of the store to do our business.

Always feeling somewhat obligated to make a purchase when we use the bathroom at a place like McDonalds, I told Earl I would pick us up a couple of unsweet teas (vs the ‘unsweetened iced tea’ found in the northeast) and then we could continue our drive. 

During our visit to the restroom, four school buses apparently descended upon this relatively lonely place in rural Louisiana and emptied their entire contents into this little McDonalds. The place was mobbed.

While Earl and I waited for the cashier to ring up the sale, get the unsweet tea and process what was happening with the crowd, I noticed that numerous members of this visiting high school party had started snapping self-photos with their smartphones. There were single self-shots, self-shots of pairs and self-shots of four or five people. All of the subjects of the photos tended to be women except for one guy that was running around. He was a little breathless.

In every single photo, each participant of the shot made “the duck face”. Even the breathless guy did it.

Random Duck Face person.

This was the first time that I had noticed The Duck Face in action and apparently it is in full force as The Thing To Do.

Can someone please explain to me what the purpose of this Duck Face pose it? It isn’t particularly attractive. It doesn’t convey any sort of frivolity, happiness or overall pleasantry. In my personal opinion, it looks kind of stupid, but I suppose some could say the same about me and my idiosyncracies. 

I just don’t get it.  I must be falling out of touch with all that’s hip. Maybe that’s a good thing.

Update: I thought it would be appropriate to show another example as to why The Duck Face can ruin an otherwise moderately enjoyable photo.

I can’t imagine sitting in Room 5 in my kindergarten class in elementary school and having anyone with a gun come into the classroom.

I can’t imagine the hallways of the one building that should always safe being filled with the sounds of gun fire.

I can’t imagine no longer having my friends sit by my side when classes resumed because they were killed in our classroom.

I can’t imagine sitting as a lost, empty soul of a childless parent, surrounded by well-intended family and friends, knowing that my child will never be coming home from school.

I can’t imagine experiencing the loss of a child at all.

I can’t imagine what would grip and twist a person in such a way that he or she felt that killing was the only answer.

I can’t imagine why we debate gun control laws that seem like common sense.

I can’t imagine what our society has become.

I can’t imagine what the holidays will be like for many families in Connecticut.

I just can’t imagine it.

My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by the senseless, mind numbing tragedy that occurred in Connecticut today. My thoughts and prayers are with us all.