So today begins “Daylight Saving Time” in the United States and presumably Canada, since they tend to emulate us up there. Since 2007, the second Sunday in March has been deemed the day when we set our clocks ahead one hour in the interest of moving time to when we are suppose to be at our busiest. Apparently this is to help control energy costs, though many studies show that we actually use more energy when DST is in effect.

I have made my opinion known on countless occasions but I’ll say it again. I despise Daylight Saving Time. I despise it from the very core of my being and it’s all a bunch of smoke and mirrors to make the sheep think that they have “more daylight”. They don’t have any more daylight today than if they did if we were still on Standard Time, but because we jimmy the numbers in this way, Finster and Mabel can go to soccer practice and get awards for remembering to breathe in the evening while Power Mommy watches from her running, air conditioned Hummer H3 and the Nanny watches from the sidelines, providing updates via text message to Power Mommy.

I don’t know if you can tell this or not but moving the clocks ahead one hour makes me cranky. I am told when to sleep, when to work, when to eat and when to take a dump based on an instrument on the wall instead of listening to my body. Circadian rhythms be damned, you will sleep when we tell you to sleep and that’s the way it is because “the day is longer.” To that I abbreviate, STFU.

I love clocks. I really do, but we shouldn’t be slaves to a clock. Moving the clocks back and forth every year is completely asinine a defies any shreds of common sense or logic. You want to jimmy a man-made assignment of a variable to this moment? Move the friggin’ clocks ahead a half-hour and be done with it. Don’t ever touch them again. Just do it. It’s not that hard.

I’m going back to bed.