I’ve been avoiding Dunkin’ Donuts since the whole ridiculous Rachel Ray incident, but Earl and I were feeling a little bit of a sweet tooth this evening, so we whipped through the drive thru of the closest store.

“CanI help ya”? asked the little voice from the little speaker. She did not sound amused. She tacked on some marketing message about an iced coffee that I ignored.

“I’d like two Boston Cream Donuts”, I barked into speaker.

“We don’t have any donuts”, replied the speaker in a somewhat agitated voice. I must have interrupted a break or something.

“You don’t have any donuts at all?”, I asked, perplexed.

(exasperated sigh), “No, Sir” said the tinny, high-fidelity squawkbox.

“There are no donuts at Dunkin’ Donuts”, I confirmed.

“No Sir.”

“Bye!”, was my final, abrupt bellow into the clown’s mouth that was missing the clown.

And with that I sped through the drive-thru like a madman. Am I unreasonable for expecting Dunkin’ Donuts to have donuts? I think not. So no more Dunkin’ Donuts for me. Not now. Not ever.

Oh Tim Horton’s, where are you?

That is all.