Not So Splenda.

I have a raging headache today. At first I thought it was due to a somewhat lack of sleep from spinning at a club the other night and my body was just catching up with me, but now I suspect there’s another reason for the headache.

It’s my cranberry juice.

This morning I opened a new bottle of cranberry juice that we had originally purchased. Always looking to try to be healthy, this bottle of juice was purchased in the “Nature’s Way” section of Hannaford. Apparently, Nature has a new natural sweetener in our midst, and it’s called Splenda.


I don’t know what it is about the stuff, but after I consume anything with Splenda in it I get a terrible headache. I know it’s a side effect from Splenda because the pain is right square between my two eyebrows and feels almost blinding. Every time I inadvertently eat or drink the stuff, there it is, my Splenda headache.

I know that Splenda is suppose to be the bees’ knees for those that count calories. It lets you have all the taste of sugar without the caloric or carb side effects. Such wonders to behold when one engages in better living through chemistry. You can’t escape Splenda these days. It’s in cookies, it’s in water, it’s in pop, it’s in juice and now it’s apparently in products in the natural section of the supermarket.

I know anything that has Splenda in it has a little “Splenda” logo trumpeting its virtues. I think manufacturers should alter the packaging a little bit so that it has a prefix to the product name. “Chemically modified Cranberry Juice”. “Fake sweetened chocolate chip cookies”. “Headache inducing pudding.”

I say if I’m going to go on a “oh my god the sugar!” kick, then just give me the good ol’ risky Nutrisweet. Hell, if you’re worried that much about your figure, then go for the gold and just lick a block of saccharrin. Who cares what it did to the lab rats 20 years ago. We’re not living the past, we’re living in the now. Besides, how do we know that 10 years from now what the side effects from Splenda is going to be?

I think I’m just going to give up on all the diet stuff. If I want a cola then I’ll just get the real stuff, nothing with all this “fake” crap in it. Better yet, I’ll stick to the unsweetened iced tea and just treat myself to a sugar rush once in a while. Now that would be splendid.