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Reality Still Bites.

Earl and I watched the latest episode of “Airline” tonight courtesy of our TiVo. While I’m sure the show is designed to entertain, after all, that’s what television is suppose to do for the most part, I found the whole program depressing.

First of all, we have this See You Next Tuesday named Darlene who is dropping more f-bombs than a shipload of Marines because she was pulled off a flight for being too drunk. She is an embarassment to the human race and quite frankly we’d be better off without her. She said she was from Boston. If anyone from Boston acted like that they’d be slapped silly by some pretentious New Englander so I don’t know what the heck she was talking about. She made my head hurt.

Second up we have Mr. Clueless and his girlfriend, Miss NotAClue who are pissed because the 4:40 flight left at 4:40 and they missed it because they got there at 4:43. If the flight leaves at 4:40, it’s going to leave at 4:40, you bunch of nimrods. So don’t go having some ridiculous hissy fit because you didn’t answer the cluephone, didn’t respond to your pages and you’re mad because your big fat ass isn’t on the airplane you just missed. O.k., now I’m getting into a tirade here.

And last but not least, we have the dental student missionaries who go to Mexico to help the children down there with bad teeth. Truth be known, they’re FIRST YEAR dental students who are PRACTICING on these poor helpless children that they’ve grabbed out of this poor village. And they’re also Christian Missionaries (one student said, “the pain is temporary, but the feeling of Christ is permanent” as they yanked the molar out of a seven year old that was screaming in fear), which really twists my knob to high. I’m reminded of when Earl and I visited Tumacacori south of Tuscon where they showed evidence of the missionaries way back when telling the locals (Indians?) they were going to hell for not believing as they did. “Forget everything you believe, you lost people. Forget the Earth! Forget the Moon! Forget the Sun! It’s our way or fire and brimstone for you all, you savages!!” Such loving people, those missionaries. Always quick to embrace the differences in us all.

To be honest, I have found “Airline” to be quite annoying this year; ever since they changed the theme from a spunky version of “Leaving On A Jet Plane” to some alternative/head banging thing about being 37,000 feet up in the air. Like all media, they’re going out of their way to find the most annoying, pathetic, stupid people to showcase on their show. What happened to the passenger that threw the grandmother out of the wheelchair last year? Or the kid that had an allergic fit because someone left three milligrams of peanut dust on the 737 he was boarding. He swelled up bigger that Mr. Peanut. Now that was good television. I don’t want to watch some hayna fresh from the Hayna Hut acting like a waste of a good human soul make an asshat of themselves on television.

Click! Good-bye Airline, you’ve been dismissed.

Distant Ringy Dingy.

I’ve adopted a new stance on driving while using your cell phone. In the past, I’ve always scolded people for yakking on their cell phone while they’re driving, mainly because they become major asshats while doing it. But I’ve found something worse.

A person scrambling for his/her headset to connect to said cell phone to talk while they’re driving.

I now say that if you’re going to talk on your cell phone while you’re driving, go ahead and do it. I’m still going to terrorize you on the road, but at least you’re being practical about it and just holding the phone up to your ear instead of trying to look like Madonna with a ridiculous headset wrapped around your noggin.

The “handsfree cell phone law” in New York State is pure, unadulterated bunk that does nothing to make the gabby driver safer. I believe the law states that you can’t have a cell phone up to your ear while driving. Apparently you can be typing in a text message on the tiny keypad, take a photo of the cop chasing you with your cameraphone or talk on your speakerphone, the one that you still have to push buttons to dial on.

I think talking on a cell phone while driving is dumb. Yes I do it myself, but I don’t have any friends so it’s not like I’m constantly yakking on the phone. And no, I’m not bitter. However, I think it’s less safe to be talking on your cell phone while simultaneously keeping an eye out for Mr. Trooper so you don’t get caught. So I’ve adopted the “pay to play” philosophy.

Politicians can’t stay out of our bedrooms. Apparently they can’t stay away from our ears either.