Talk Your English Goodly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 21st century. You are witness to the complete and utter destruction of the American English language. The internet, with all its methods of high-tech communication, is slowly destroying our language. The slang “Have Fun” has become “1/2Fun”. “Are you having a good day?” has morphed into “How R U?”. There’s the cryptic “C U l8r.” Then we have one of the most notorious mispellings known to man, “loose”, as in “I want to loose a few pounds.”

Criminy!

It’s LOSE. L-O-S-E. “I want to lose a few pounds so I have loose pants.”

Good God!

I try to sound like the educated person I believe myself to be when I speak. I like to use big words. I somewhat mimic the cultured accent of Elizabeth Montgomery or Maurice Evans on Bewitched. Not quite British, definitely not Australian, perhaps more like Barbara Budd (from the CBC’s As It Happens) from Ontario, Canada. I throw in a few “eh’s” on the end of sentences. I try to neutralize my nasal, native Central New York accent. In this area, “merry”, “Mary” and “marry” all sound the same, like “Mary”. It helps to scrunch your nose a little when you say it. Even though I live on the eastern side of the state (decidely “soda” territory), I’m not afraid to employ the more whimsical “pop”.

I find speaking interesting and I find writing stimulating. I try to do both to the best of my abilities. I make an effort to convey my unique flair for language when I write online. While remaining conversational, I like to utilize complete sentences and spell out words in their entirety. I’m blessed with the ability to type very quickly and I use that gift to my advantage by making proper use of capital letters and employing a full set of punctuation. After all, CAPS LOCK is a privilege, not a right.

I don’t expect people to communicate via sonnet. I’m not having visions of bloggers writing in haiku or limerick while composing their entries. I even overlook spelling and occasional grammar errors. Lord knows I’ve had my share of them. Just make an effort. Utilize all the letters of our glorious alphabet and write out complete words.

And please remember this: “You want two desserts while dining in the desert.”

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