June 17, 2005

Drive Me Crazy.

I know that I occasionally rant about the inept drivers in our area and I guess today is going to be no exception. If you’ve been to my Road Geek site, then you’ll know that I am an avid driver and pride myself on my motoring abilities. Thinking about it, I guess everything thinks they’re the world’s perfect driver and that the rest of the world is off their crankcase.

Anyways, Earl has told me that I’ve become a much more aggressive driver since the purchase of the Acura, and I tend to agree with him. I can punch the gas pedal now and get the response needed to zigzag my way through traffic. It’s a cool feeling and a bold confirmation of the power I have as an Acura RSX Type-S driver!

I’ve often wondered if there should be an IQ test associated with earning one’s driver’s license. Yes, every driver, to my knowledge, in the United States has to take some sort of written test and demonstrate their driving ability in order to earn their license. In most instances, that is the only demonstration of prowess of required. Once you get your license, you never have to take another test. You simply visit a surly DMV clerk named “Donut Breath” every X number of years, smile for the camera, plunk down an obscene amount of money and voila! you can drive with a license until 20xx whatever.

I think all drivers should be tested every 10 years or so. Reflex abilities change. Eyesight dwindles. Mental capabilities fluxuate. Let’s face it, when I got my license at 16 years old, the only thing on my mind was whether the other tuba player in the band looked hot in his band uniform and whatever other high school drama was gripping my life at that moment.

I also think that a special class of license should be required to drive an SUV. After all, the driver that passed their test in a 1974 Chevy Vega has not demonstrated to the examiner that they are capable of driving an SUV that’s bigger than a school bus. Why should Yolanda Yugo be allowed to assume the role of Henrietta Hummer and drive a vehicle that can hold four of her old Yugos at ten times the price with no questions asked? I say if it qualifies as an SUV, then you should qualify to drive an SUV. Simple as that.

To wrap this all up, I need to get these little nitpicks off my chest:

  • I am pretty confident to say that nowhere in the United States or Canada does it require to make a 176 degree turn to the right to leave an interstate or freeway. That would be you driving up the ENTRANCE ramp, not the EXIT ramp.
  • Last I knew, a red light meant stop. It doesn’t mean, stop if you feel like it or only if its really red instead of “sort of red”.
  • “Keep To The Right Except To Pass.” This is becoming a bigger and bigger problem by the minute. Moving your vehicle to the left, setting the cruise control and hanging out in the left lane is wrong and in most cases, illegal. Because of your idiocy, state DOTs are determining that they need to add more lanes to existing roads because you’re creating an unneccessary roadblock, which is throwing off the traffic flow of the roadway. Stay to the right unless you’re actively passing someone.
  • And finally, in New York State its illegal to use a handheld cell phone while you’re driving. I don’t agree with the law. I think the law is absurd. I think it’s stupid that the government feels they need to legislate common sense. However, using a cell phone while you’re driving is also stupid. There is nothing, and I mean absolutely NOTHING so earth shattering that you need to be yammering on your telephone while you’re driving. I don’t care if someone farted, got married, had a crisis, made a fool of themselves at the mall or died. When you’re driving, you should be paying attention to the road, listening to the radio and possibly conversing with other passengers. There is no need to be talking on your cell phone.

Thank you for listening. Happy motoring.