Mandatory Muzak.

I’m calling for a law to be written immediately. I can not believe that somebody, somewhere has not called for this but I’m demanding for a regulation that requires owners of a public restroom to install Mandatory Muzak.

The company I work for part time recently moved from an aging building with a fairly nice men’s room into a not so aging building with a men’s room the size of a broom closet. In said new men’s room there is one urinal and two toilets squeezed into a tiny, tiny space, along with one sink and a monstrous paper towel dispenser.

I don’t mind using a public bathroom. I zip in, unzip, do my business and leave. I don’t want to chat with anyone. I don’t want to discuss the weather. I don’t care what others are doing. I just don’t want to listen to any of it. Not only do I not want to listen to chatter, I don’t want to listen to someone else attending to their business, and this includes any random moans or groans.

There is something very disconcerting about utter silence when you’re squeezed into a broom closet posing as a rest room with another man. As I’m standing at the urinal, doing my business, someone else walks in, shimmies around the paper towel dispenser and makes their way into one of the two stalls. It is then that I start praying for continuous intercom announcements, a random vacuum cleaner, jingle cats or a thunderstorm to cover up the lack of noise in the room. There isn’t even a fan to add to the white noise. I’m not going to pursue other issues associated with the lack of a fan.

The only drawback of having music in a public restroom is if a really good song comes on. You’re sitting and doing your business and “You Spin Me ‘Round” by Dead or Alive comes on. The music grabs you and the next thing you know you’re tapping your toe to the beat and viola! a Republican Closet Case is in your stall. I hate it when that happens.

We have suffered long enough with the trauma of a silent public rest room. It’s time to get our groove on.

5 December 2007 by Ponderings and Musings 2

What Snow?

We are in the midst of our first significant snow storm of the season. It started yesterday with all the sleet and ice, this afternoon it converted itself to lake effect snow and 35 MPH gusts of winds. School was canceled until 10 a.m. this morning. Unfortunately, my first class wasn’t until 11, but there I was doing the “snow day” dance I did as a teenager, hoping Mother Nature would let me spend the day home.

No such luck.

Instead I got to complete part I one my Surveying lab final exam. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but surveyors tend to do their surveying outside. We were reminded by our professor that surveying doesn’t stop for the Mother Nature, or at least surveying exams don’t stop for Mother Nature, so there we were, bundled up in three layers of clothes, a heavy jacket, gloves and a dorky hat trying to determine the angle between the iced over cement pad in front of a doorway and the nut of a fire hydrant. Thank the universe it was cold so no dogs tried to relieve themselves as I stood shivering by the fire hydrant making like a target for my classmate behind the surveying gun. I had to dance around a few times so the person doing the measurements could make out my outline in the blowing and drifting snow.

I didn’t ace the exam but I think I did o.k. I think one of the icicles in my beard knocked the equipment when I was futzing around because I was off by 10 seconds. No biggie.

Next week it’s part II – equipment setup time trials.

3 December 2007 by College Kid. 2

Contrast.

Studious.

Last week I was thinking of creative ways to burn my math book and slamming every door in the house. This week I sat down and spent three solid hours studying and patiently completing my homework. I’m delighted to say that no math books were hurt in the process.

Two weeks and counting until the end of the semester. Must. Remember. To. Just. Breathe. I figured the “Balanced Living” shirt from Dr. Steve would help me remember to stay focused. I was right.

2 December 2007 by College Kid. 3

Loss of Words?

I have sat down in front of the computer several times today to write a blog entry. Every time I hope to write something clever, witty or at the very least intelligible, I come up blank. I guess I just don’t have a lot to say today and I have no idea why. It’s not that I feel blue. My mood is actually quite the contrary, if anything I feel exceedingly giddy.

I laughed out loud at a comment to the blog someone left today on the “Flashing Jesus” post. I changed some contents of the comment to protect those that feign innocence, but whoever sent it to me (and I’m confident it wasn’t who they said they were) is one cool cat. It made my afternoon even brighter.

I just finished a DJ SuperCub mix that I will share as soon as I can get it loaded up on the server. I’m starting to get into practice again as I’m negotiating spinning at the local club on Wednesday nights to help generate some business and if all goes well to earn a little pocket cash too. I’m not sure of the details yet, though. (*02 Dec 2007 update: The latest mix is up on the DJ SuperCub page)

One of my favorite relatively recent dance tracks is “Moving Into Light (Freemasons Mix)” by Black Fras. I could play and listen to this song over and over and not complain about it. The lyrics resonate with me and it’s a track that actually fits comfortably in my vocal range. That doesn’t happen a lot in today’s pop music world.

When I’ve given up my body
When I hand it into your care
You tell me ‘friend,’ let go your fears
And fly with me somewhere

Earl and I have been recording classic movies off the satellite for the past week or so. We kicked off the holiday season with “White Christmas” on Thanksgiving night and we both decided that the classic movies are much more compelling to watch than what’s being puked up on the multiplex screens today. I have to admit that I’m looking forward to Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in “Sweeney Todd”. That movie shows promise.

1 December 2007 by Ponderings and Musings 0

Cheers.

I rarely take this little internet quiz things, but here you are. Is it accurate? I hardly remember how I act when I’m drinking beer, what with the two beer queer thing and all.


You Are Guinness


You know beer well, and you’ll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all – especially about subjects you don’t know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.
1 December 2007 by Fun and Games Dept 0

Solid As A Rock.

On Sunday night I was frustrated in a maniacal sort of way. Being thisclose to the end of the semester, I am sensing a feeling of impending accomplishment while at the same time wondering if I can muster the last gasp of breath necessary to get the job done.

Feeling hopelessly lost in a sea of numbers with a text book that might as well have been written in a foreign language I’ve never seen, I tried to make myself feel better by slamming every door in the house. I told Earl that I am not an engineer, I will never be a civil engineer and I might as well practice adding “would you like fries with that” to every question because that’s what I was obviously slated to do in life until I was old enough to be a Wal*Mart (“Always White Trash, Always”) greeter.

They say opposites attract. The world could literally be crumbling around Earl and there he would be, standing solid as a rock, making sense of it all and valiantly putting the pieces back together. I on the other hand would be screaming about the whole thing and slamming the doors shut on Armageddon, declaring I wasn’t in the mood for the end of the world, thank you very much.

In the end, he talked some sense in my head and I went and finished the math assignment the best that I could. For the most part it has been a grand week at school and at work.

Good thing he’s as solid as a rock. I’d be listening to people yell into the drive-thru speaker if it wasn’t for him.

29 November 2007 by College Kid. Ponderings and Musings 3

Joyous Juanita.

Tacky Holidays!

A couple of years ago there was a big hullabaloo about the big box retailers using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” on their signs, sales and other joyous ways of prompting you to spend money. I believe it was the Christian right that was having such a fit about the use of “Happy Holidays”, regardless of the fact that Christmas was sort of ‘borrowed’ from the Pagan Winter Solstice celebrations and modified for Christian use (some believe Jesus Christ was actually born in June), much like the other holidays that are sprinkled throughout the year. The argument apparently lingers on this year and will most likely continue to do so, like a bad fruitcake that comes back year after year to haunt you.

I couldn’t care less about what people say to me when they wish me good tidings this holiday season, but in the spirit of trying not to offend anyone, I’ve decided that I’m going to wish everyone a “Joyous Juanita” this season. I really don’t know why I’ve picked this particular phrase. I guess the word “Juanita” looks holidayish to me. I can easily picture the word decorated with holly and maybe a few berries. I don’t know anyone named Juanita, aside from a fifth grade teacher from my childhood who’s real name was “Rotten Totten”. I was never in her class though so I don’t count her.

I believe Earl has already ordered the holiday cards for the season though, so I guess I’ll have to make like Sears and print some hastily made “Joyous Juanita” inserts to slip into each card before we send them out.

Personally I find this argument to be incredibly ridiculous and that’s why I’ve decided to do my own thing. If I really like you, I might follow it up with a “Blessed Be.” Just don’t get offended if I do.

28 November 2007 by Why. 4

Familiar Ring.

This morning I made a house call on our friend Earl (who’s also ‘first Earl’) to do some work on his computer. While first Earl and I weren’t compatible in the romance department, we’ve been fortunate to maintain a good friendship over the years. Between hanging out together at Hillside, working together at the local bar and the three of us going to dinner, we’ve always enjoyed time spent with first Earl.

As I was working on his computer, he mentioned that he had found something from when we lived together. He’d been cleaning out one of the drawers in the dining room hutch and came across something I thought I lost long ago.

He gave me my high school class ring. It had been buried in the bottom of his drawer since 1994 or so.

Class Ring.

I was delighted to try it on and see that it still fits AND can still be removed from my finger without the aid of butter or other lubricating fluids.

After getting his computer in shape we chatted a bit and it turns out that one of my classmates from last semester, a very nice woman that I would laugh and laugh with during our Drafting class is his niece. It’s such a small world.

27 November 2007 by Ponderings and Musings 4

Flashing Jesus.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Everyone in the neighborhood (except us) has begun the task of decorating their homes in the spirit of the holiday in as many crass, tacky and cheesy ways as possible.

I’ve mentioned before that the neighbors enjoy lighting up their house beyond belief. Said house is a year-round mess in serious need of repair. They still have bats and witches on display, which have been tossed aside haphazardly for their Christmas display. Every year Freakboy and his ugly sisterwife (probably not their real names) throw gargantuan blow up ornaments all over the lawn and surround them with lights of every size, shade and hue, none of which match. This year they’ve added some new trinkets to the wild mish-mash of color, including a blow-up manger scene. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a puffed up Joseph and three puffy wise men. They’ve also added “animation” to the horrific affair by making things blink. Randomly. Everything blinks randomly. In fact, I believe they’ve hooked some of the blow up things into the blinking mechanism because the giant Santa Claus that appears to be molesting Mary also seems to be breathing hard. (I haven’t figured out why Santa Claus and Frosty are both standing at the manger yet). There he is, Santa Claus standing erect, deflated, erect, a little deflated, up and down in time with the lights while simultaneously groping The Virgin Mother. The baby Jesus keeps time by flashing on and off as Santa breathes hard while groping Mary. Why have a baby in a manger when you can have a baby with pizazz and make him blink on and off?

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

26 November 2007 by Why. 8

About J.P.

Just a guy with a husband. We’ve been together 28 years and he still makes me see fireworks on a daily basis. Hiker. Storm Chaser. Private Pilot. Tech Guy. Hackerish.

Weird? Eccentric!

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