Ponderings and Musings

So when I get up in the morning and my mind is reviewing the things going on in my head I find myself very decisive and focused on what I want and how I’m feeling about any given topic. As the day progresses, I start to rationalise things a little bit and then I’m not as confident on my stance or decision.

That is something that I don’t like. I need to keep the early morning vibe going all day long.

Yesterday was my workforce reduction day; I took the opportunity to have lunch with my Dad, aunt and uncle at the family lumber yard. I hadn’t been up there in quite a while, it was good to see them all. Per the tradition I observed as a teenager working at the store, we had a lively discussion in the office as we ate our lunch. Yesterday’s topic was health care. We may sit on opposite sides of the aisle on a good number of topics, but we all agreed that the current health care system in the U.S. is broken at best and that the system seems to be working for no one outside of the pharmaceutical companies and their lobbyists in Washington.

Everyone still sits in the same seats that they have since the big remodel of 1987, I sat at my cousin’s seat in the corner. In the old days I would sit at my grandmother’s desk, but I thought I would change it up a little.

It is the 21st of May and I am sitting on the back patio looking at the beautiful starscape overhead. It is gorgeous out tonight; the air is warm and dry. It is perfect sleeping weather. Planes fly overhead like little specs of flashing colour amongst the abundance of stars. The sounds of the nearby Thruway echo in the still of the night.

Tomorrow afternoon begins the unofficial start of summer in these parts. There are activities planned for the weekend; hopefully the on-call pager will cooperate and allow me the luxury of participating. The only thing getting me through this on-call is that after I am done on Tuesday morning I am off-call until the latter half of July. This is a beautiful thing.

I am seriously considering sleeping in a sleeping bag on the back patio tonight. It is so perfect out here. This is why I love camping in a spot without a nearby disco beat; I can look up and enjoy the still of the night with a beautiful sky overhead. I find it all so calming.

My bachelor week has come to an end a day early and I couldn’t be happier. I have short “to do” list for the weekend; fix the battery on the Jeep, fix the lawn mower, call and/or visit my family, maybe watch planes land and take off at the local airport, practicing my airline photography in the process.

A lot of hooting and hollering has started up in the woods a bit south of here. It sounds like a bonfire in progress. Perhaps there’s an early graduation celebration going on. I hope they studied hard to get to where they are today. Or at least I hope they did the best they could.

A bunch of organised an office barbecue for tomorrow at work. More than half the office took the day off, the rest of us figured it was a good day to put the recent turmoil aside and get back to where we used to be mentally. The change of pace will be refreshing. I’m actually looking forward to work tomorrow; I haven’t said that in a while.

I have formulated new goals in my head. The challenges of life are on the path in front of me. I don’t find the feeling unpleasant.

So last night I was enjoying a pleasant conversation when the on-call cell phone rang. I tried to keep it together when this happened, because after all, I am now officially half-way through this extra-long on-call week (I get the holiday and everything!) so I did what I had to do to assemble the information I needed to tell the customer they were having a phone issue.

I called the customer to let him know that one of his phone lines was down when he started calling me every name in the book. Because I’m in a family friendly mood today I won’t even resort to the number of asterisks required to represent his potty speech but nonetheless there he was screaming at me and being a jerk. I explained the issue, he freaked out and then I apologised for calling him and hung up, because he didn’t want to be bothered.

Two minutes later the fine man called the answering service, screamed at the friendly, barely making minimum wage operator and had me paged. The operator was nearly in tears when she called. He wanted me to call back.

So I did. He proceeded to ask me why I called him back and started with the asterisks and other random symbols that would make a sailor blush. I apologised again for calling him and hung up.

This morning I let his sales representative know what had occurred last night, verbally outlining what I had already documented in the company’s database. He said that’s the way the guy is and I shouldn’t let it bother me.

Here’s the thing. It did bother me. It bothered me all night long. When I awoke this morning I wasn’t looking forward to going to work because quite frankly I had had enough.

Once upon a time I made a decision to go into radio. I wanted to program a radio station. I wanted to make it sound really good. I had no experience in the industry; all I had behind me was enthusiasm and a lot of music knowledge in my head. I bugged people and called people and made demo tapes until I got my foot in the door at a radio station. Once there, I had a pretty good career going in radio until the station I worked for was sold.

The one thing that led me to that career was motivation. I was so motivated to each that goal that I would do anything to achieve it. And I did!

I am feeling that motivation again today. I haven’t felt it in a long time, but I feel motivated to do something about the way I have been feeling lately.

So even though last night I wanted to hunt down the man that verbally berating me and make his existence really uncomfortable, today I almost want to shake his hand and thank him for spurring me in the ass to do something with my life. I work hard, and I love the group I work in, but I don’t deserve to be treated like that and I won’t be.

I am motivated again. I know what I want and I’m going to go after it. Along the way I’m going to smile and be enthusiastic. As I look at the calendar, the “Scheduled Time Off” courtesy of my company’s workforce reduction is affording me a lot of free time over the summer.

There are many adventures ahead for me and I am going to enjoy each one to it’s fullest.

Life is good and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

So after 40 years in this body I have discovered something very important. I wear my belt facing the wrong way.

This important tidbit of information has been pointed out to me twice in the past week.

I’ll admit it right here, I never knew there was a “boy” way and a “girl” way of wearing a belt. If I look down at my stomach, the whole affair is being held up by my belt with the flappy part pointing to the right. When I unbuckle my belt I use my left hand and then pull out my business with my right hand so I can do my thing in the can.

That’s the way that feels natural to me.

Today for the first time I reversed the direction of how I wore my belt. It was the first time in 40 years that the flappy thing faced the left as I looked down at my stomach. I had to unfasten my belt with my right and pull out my business with my left hand and then my aim was all messed up and I missed the can.

I’m not one of those guys that can swing it all around with no hands, being mostly Irish and all.

So for the next 40 years I’m going to have to work out a new arrangement with unfastening my belt and handling my business. It wasn’t too long ago that I switched from wearing my watch on my right wrist to wearing it on my left.

That was much easier.

So today I am working the early shift at work, on-call week is now just a memory, with the lingering affects of a lack of sleep. I’m a little sluggish today.

There is a cleaning crew working at The Manor today. It’s our annual spring cleaning. Earl contracted the cleaning service from his office to clean the house and I’m staying out of their way today. I look forward to going home to a cleaner house; I have been neglecting that duty lately. I still wonder where we can get a live-in houseboy.

It is a glorious day in Central New York though admittedly it’s a little chilly. The sky is clear, save for a few puffs of harmless clouds. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming and there is a slight scent of lilac here at the Hampton Inn parking lot, where I am parked eating my lunch and typing this blog entry. There are several wi-fi spots in the area but none of them are in the mood to chat. I guess I’ll have to upload this blog entry when I get back to my cubicle. Don’t tell the company that I did that.

Earl and I were planning on going to see ‘Star Trek’ tonight but we have modified our plans a bit for the week. He is going to be at his other office in Scotia tomorrow and Wednesday night, so I’m going to join him there on Wednesday night and we are going to see ‘Star Trek’ in the IMAX theatre instead. If we are going to do it, we are going to do it right! I have heard only good things (and that’s an understatement) about the film so I am eager to see it. The IMAX presentation should be awesome.

All in all life is good, aside from being exhausted from only 2 1/2 hours sleep last night. At least tonight I’ll be able to sleep in peace (and with the pager turned blissfully off).

Now I’m going to sit back and enjoy the sun for the rest of this lunch hour.

Life is good, especially when you make it that way.

So today is Mother’s Day. This morning I called my sister and wished her well on her first official Mother’s Day. It was good to talk to her.

Last night Earl and I invited my mother over for dinner to celebrate the occasion, since she had plans with my cousin for today and I was wrapped up in an on-call weekend. Earl made a wonderful dinner for the three of us. We had great conversation and an excellent time. I was a blessed kid to have the “neat mom”; all the kids wanted to be in her group on field trips because she was fun. I have inherited my tendency to hear my own drum from her and that is something that I’m proud of. She has always encouraged me to be my own person and I hope that I always return the favour to her.

She’s a little whacky but she puts her heart and soul into everything she does. To add whimsy to the family I’m telling my nephews to call her “Grandma Loon”. She just loves that.

Earl and I sent her flowers at work so everyone could ooh and aah as they passed by her desk. She deserves the attention. She’s one of the best.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Okay, so there has been stirring in the blogosphere about that Miss California USA woman and her topless photos that were taken several years ago. She’s the one, of course, that spoke up about her support of “opposite marriage” and articulately stated that she believed that marriage should be reserved for the union between a man and a woman. Since losing the crown of Miss USA (because of her beliefs, so the story goes), she has become a spokesperson for the National Organization for Marriage. Basically she is trying to be the new face for ‘traditional values’.

Why does it seem to me, though, that many of these folks have something to hide. There always seems to be some skeleton rattling around in a closet. Some have feet tapping in airport stalls, others hang out in public parks, some conduct shady financial dealings with the congregation’s offering. With Carrie Prejean’s case, it’s some topless photos.

Look, of course I have no issue with someone posing however they want to pose. If you want to show it off then show it off. That’s the beauty of the body, it’s meant to be enjoyed! What I do have issue with is people preaching one thing and then doing another. Hypocrisy is never a good thing. How can one trust a hypocrite? So I’m going to admit a few things, right here and now:

1. I have posed naked in several photo shoots in my day, one of them being in the middle of the woods on a summer day in 1992 behind a Baptist church. One shot made it to a magazine (and it was not an ad for Olestra).

2. I do not have breast implants.

3. On several occasions, clad in only fruit of the loom tighty whities and a black leather jacket, I was paid to dance on a speaker in a very large gay nightclub in Boston. I wasn’t alone, there were others on the other speakers. Each of us were a theme, I played the bad boy with red hair. Granted, it was 35 pounds and 20 years ago but nonetheless, I have been seen girating to the likes of “Vogue”, “Ice Ice Baby” and “Hold You Tight” in barely a suggestion of attire.

4. I say what I believe and I believe what I say. I may change my mind, I may think out loud, but it is always safe to assume that you know where I stand at all times.

5. I believe love is love no matter if it’s between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman or a man and a man. Love should be celebrated, because there’s clearly not enough love in the world today.

I have always been intrigued by the forest. It is in the forest (or the woods) that I find adventure, even if it’s a construct of my imagination. It is there that I am able to escape. As I stand alone with nature, I feel Mother Nature caress me with her breezes as they work their way through the pine trees that surround me.

As a kid the woods behind my parents’ house was my domain. I’d climb trees, I’d lie on the leaves and watch the sky or I’d build a little fort out of pine tree branches up against the slope of the railroad tracks bed. It was there that I discovered what made me tick, what thoughts lurked in my mind and where I found solitude and relaxation.

Yesterday we went for a walk along a paved trail that passes near the woods. I made a slight detour off the beaten path to grab a glimpse of what I love.

I was not disappointed.

So while Earl was working this morning, I convinced Cubster that we needed to make a trip to the market. This is not one of my favourite tasks by any stretch of the imagination as I am not a fan of these big behemoth grocery stores that plague this area. (We have five Wal*Mart Supercenters within 25 miles of our house). The stores are too crowded, there are too many people yakking on their cell phones and drinking a cup of coffee whilst trying to navigate with their shopping carts and quite frankly I don’t need to be bombarded with a multi-media presentation every 16 feet explaining to me the proper way to squeeze a head of lettuce.

The only exception to my large grocery store rule is Wegmans.

I decided to drive a few extra miles to go to the one locally owned grocery store left in the area. The prices are a little higher but the store is a reasonable size, making it easier to get in there, fling the cart around a little bit, load it up with the items we need and dash out after a friendly checkout experience.

All was well with the excursion until we got to the friendly checkout experience. The cashier glared at me as I approached her lane. I double checked to make sure her light was on, indicating that the lane was open and that I wasn’t in an express lane. It appeared that I was in the clear so I started loading up the belt with our modest number of items. The cashier just sat there looking at me. I figured she was dazed and confused but would eventually kick in so I finished unloading the cart. She just stared at me. So I said, “So, what do we need to do to start this?” as I motioned to the items sitting on the belt waiting to be scanned.

She grabbed the first item and flung it over the scanner, whipped open a bag and shoved it in there. She continued her pissy approach to this for the entire order going so far as to slam the bacon on top of the strawberries. When she was done she barked out the total (she speaks!). I swiped my card, signed “Betsy Ross” on the signature pad and grabbed the receipt as she flung it at me. I said “thank you”. She said “You’re welcome” (two words this time!).

I have no idea what was irking her but it kind of soured me on the “shop local” experience. I think next time I’ll avoid Register 8.

Or find a grocery delivery service.