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Escape.

Today is one of those days where I want to ‘escape’. My mind is focused on far off locations and stuck on two particular songs: “Meet Me In Montana” by Marie Osmond & Dan Seals and “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes.

Neither songs really fit my mindset; I’m not a female country star wannabe turned down by the folks in Nashville and I don’t have an ad running in a personal column inviting someone not into yoga to join me on the dunes to escape. However, they both talk about getting away somewhere and I find comfort in these thoughts.

The need to escape is not compounded by a bad mood today. To the contrary, my mood is actually quite good and I’m smiling for the most part, it’s just that there’s a ton of little things that are bugging me and quite frankly I’m feeling smothered. Yesterday I had a lunch meeting with some important people at work. I appreciated the gesture very much, but I need to recharge my batteries at lunch time by hiding out in the Jeep in a parking lot and just focusing on something, anything, other than what I have been focusing on all morning. I’m a loner at heart, and there’s only one person that can occupy that space with me when I want to be alone and I’m married to him and he’s in Buffalo for work right now. So instead I sit in the Jeep alone and write little ditties such as this blog entry. I’ve mentioned before that sometimes this blog is used as a form of therapy in conjunction with being a creative outlet. Today I guess I’m leaning heavier on the former.

One of the things that I have been thinking about this morning, amongst all the meetings that I’ve been in and/or led, is the fact that I am rather a shy person when you meet me in person. I seem quite loud and boisterous here on the blog. Surprisingly, some find me rather outgoing, and I am once I latch onto you in some way, but for the most part I’m rather shy about uncertain situations or meeting people that I don’t know. I’m conscious of my rambly/stammery speech pattern that seems to be getting worse as I get older. I often picture the facts of a conversation going into my head and then falling through the holes of this swiss cheese brain of mine. I’m very confident in my lack of confidence in these two areas, if that makes any sense and being aware of this all makes me reserved or shy.

I guess I’m complicated.

I’m trying to get over being complicated and just dealing with whatever personality quirks and eccentricities I have. Now that I think about it, I think I’d like to try with some alone time with my best beau, either sipping a Piña Colada or in the mountains of Montana.

Or both.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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