November 2, 2011


So it has been all over the news that Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce after 72 days or something like that. This is the “reality” television “celebrity” that spent millions of dollars for a ridiculously lavish wedding, received some sort of payment through her “reality” ventures for having the wedding and now she is getting a divorce. The fact that this is news is ill-making to me.

I am so glad that hate-based organizations such as the National Organization for Marriage is saving us from the terror of same-sex marriage, because the heterosexual folks are doing such a cracker jack job at maintaining the sanctity of it all. In reality (without the quotes), I wish these folks would find something better to do. Truth be known, like Kim Karadashian and people of her ilk, I wish these folks would just fade away back into their banal, mundane lives.

Before New York State legalized same-sex marriage I was only mildly interested in the topic. I was happy to see other states recognizing the rights of all of their citizens, and I hoped that New York would do the same thing, but there was a part of me that figured that since Earl and I had been together for 15 years and we were fully committed to staying that way until we passed on from this life, we didn’t really need the validation associated with marriage.

My gods, was I dead wrong on that.

I was playing Words With Friends with our friend Matt from Toronto the other day. He recently married his partner, Anthoney, in a ceremony in western Ontario. Words With Friends has a little chat feature built in and a simple message bubble popped up:

It feels different, doesn’t it.

You know what? I didn’t think it would feel different to be legally married but it does. It really does. There is a part of me that can’t believe that I am married. I am still floored when people at work, folks that I rarely talk to or know, come up to me and congratulate me when they hear the news on the grapevine, even in this small, rather conservative little town that I work in.

My day is a little bit brighter in the morning knowing that my in-laws are not just “in-laws” but they’re really in-laws. My existence has improved ten-fold knowing that I am legally married to the man that bounces around in the bed so much when he’s sleeping that I need a permanent supply of Dramamine. The fireworks are brighter, bigger and louder than ever before. I feel like a little kid again, discovering love all over for the first time. My world changed the moment I uttered the words “I do” in front of the wonderful group of family and friends that witnessed the moment. I still tear up when I picture the joy my sister had when she read her reading at the ceremony or I think of the words my brother-in-law Dave said in the toast at dinner.

The woman that conducted our ceremony, Emily VanLaeys, has said some beautiful things about our wedding ceremony and what she saw in the bond between the Earl and me. Many have said over the years that it’s obvious that we have a love that will last forever. Earl and I agreed to that long ago. And now we have the legal backing to prove it.

I get that there are folks that don’t understand why folks of the same gender would want to be married. These folks are most likely not gay or lesbian, so how would they know what it’s like to be attracted to the same sex? It’s when they try to convince people that something that they don’t understand is wrong is where I take issue. You shouldn’t try to legislate against something that you don’t understand. And you shouldn’t try to take away from the rest of the world that what you failed at or have never found. The world does not need another helping of bitter from these folks. Let’s celebrate happiness and help find those that haven’t found it, find it.

One of the wishes on my short list is that everyone can experience the love that Earl and I feel for one another, regardless of sexual orientation. A newer wish on the short list is that all those people get to feel the feeling of being legally married as I do today, regardless of their sexual orientation or where they are living. Someday, somehow, I know it’s going to happen. During the ceremony, Emily said, “the world is becoming a better place, one small step at a time.” I wish the steps were a little bigger and the destination was a little closer, but I’m going to do what I can to help make it happen.