Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

I’ve been working my way through Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations”, as translated and annotated by Robin Waterfield for the past several months. This activity has been an effort for me to find a stronger center during this second half of my life. I have received the daily emails from The Daily Stoic for a few years. When we lived in Chicago I studied the “Enchiridion” by Epictetus. Reading and thinking around these teachings have helped me find, grow, and solidify my moral foundation. Never stop trying to better yourself.

I never studied philosophy when I was in college; my two social sciences were sociology and psychology. Sociology was mildly interesting but I didn’t get into psychology as much as I thought I would. In some ways I wish we would have explored these topics in high school as I feel like these studies would have motivated me to be a better person earlier on. Since I was in my late 30s when I went to college the second time around, I already had a good idea of who I was and what I believed in. These studies just helped me find a deeper understanding of the subjects.

I should have studied philosophy. One of the things I’m always asking is “why”. I want to know why things happen, not just that they happened. This drives my husband a little crazy, because he’ll be telling me something about politics or that an acquaintance has done this or that and I’ll usually ask “why”? 

I always want to know the why.

Non satis scire, which is Latin for “to know is not enough”.

Another bonus of reading is that it’s distracting me from the news and the social media conjecture around the news. Whether it’s Bluesky or Mastodon or Threads, there’s a lot of gnashing going on around the U.S. government, and rightfully so.

I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with any of that right now. I can’t help but think about how grounded my father was and it seemed like very little fazed him. I very much admired that about my dad and it’s a goal I still have on my personal growth list. 

One small step at a time.

If there was ever a video that articulated my feelings about LLM, or Large Language Models commonly known as “A.I.”, it’s this video by Bridget Carey at CNET.

Apple Intelligence, and all its brethren like ChatGPT, is basically a very smart Magic 8 Ball when it comes to giving you the answers you’re looking for. It’s all a probability game. The GPTs are very good at determining the next word that comes after the current word, and hopefully the context will be correct.

Apple Intelligence, and all the tools like it, uses information from smart people to make people too lazy to think look like they actually took time to think.

I know I’m a middle aged man that sounds like he’s yelling at folks to get off his lawn, but there’s a certain beauty in being able to think for yourself.

This morning one of my HomePods announced, “Sure, I’ll play some music selected just for you” and started to play “Everything She Wants” by Wham!

No one had said anything and I was just sitting at my desk doing my morning reading. I wasn’t even using a computer or my phone. I was just sitting there reading a book. I have no idea why Siri decided I needed a bit of George Michael at that moment, but I promptly unplugged that HomePod to stop the music. I put in the Goodwill bin.

Whatever Apple has done with improving Siri with Apple Intelligence is a mystery. I prefer to step away from the mystery and just think for myself.

We were sitting in the living room. My sister and I were both fueled by crazy amounts of sugar dumped on top of our “Super Sugar Smacks”. The Zenith color TV, maybe a 17-inch model, was perched atop a console television that had given up the ghost. We were watching ElectraWoman and Dyna Girl.

“Why do you bang your fingers together like that?”

My sister was referring to a stress relief habit I have. I curl my fingers inward and then bang the parts of my four fingers between my top two knuckles together. After doing it a couple of times my fingers start to feel flat.

“I don’t know, I just do.”

This was often the explanation I had for anything. I didn’t realize it was unusual, but it wouldn’t be much further into my life that I would realize that most found me weird.

I added, “try it”.

My sister did and she never found the sensation of her fingers feeling flat.

I still do this. It’s still a stress relief for me. It’s not the only thing I do. Like this habit I also snap my fingers when I walk when I’m running out of processing power. I’m also a 56 year old man that carries a fidget spinner.

I guess I’m still weird.

Every once in a while Earl will notice I’m typing out patterns with my right hand on a table surface.

He’ll ask, “what are you calculating?”

I’m actually distracting myself by typing out items on a 1970s cash register (NCR 255) I used at Hills Department Store, when I worked there back when I was in my early 20s.

No idea why that particular muscle memory lives on well over 30 years later. It must be part of my being weird.

I’m good with that.

The super moon was gorgeous this morning. I’m happy that I was awake before moonset and sunrise. This was a great moment to start the day.