Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

I read something today that I’d like to share with you.

“Let the innate beauty of your soul provide a beacon of Light for others in this world of Darkness. Show others how to live; be an example for them. Choose joy, show a zest for life, love others and make your own heaven. Light your lamp for them all to see. You will find it can smooth your path and hasten perfection.”
“Journey of the Soul Series, Book Three: The Nature of Good and Evil”
by Sylvia Browne.

What a wonderful passage. Maybe a lesson learned today.

Sing it John Denver! Working for a traditional country radio station can surely test one’s patience, but once in a while you’ll hear a good song that has some actual meaning. Today it was great to get out in the sunshine and enjoy life. You’ll notice the new picture up there in the right hand corner… that’s me, along a creek, in the Ilion Gorge (along Route 51) with Earl taking pictures.

We kicked off the weekend with a visit to the local drive in theatre to see “Troy”. It was an o.k. movie… there were a couple of things I found disappointing. First of all, there’s a wide smattering of English dialects throughout the movie, which I find quite interesting since they’re all suppose to be Greek. At least on Xena, they all spoke with a southern California dialect, why couldn’t everyone speak with the same dialect in the monster movie “Troy”.

Secondly, why do lots of women and some men find Brad Pitt so darn irresistible? I don’t find him attractive at all. I mean, he’s not bad to look at I suppose, if you’re into that sort of thing, but he just seems to pretty for my tastes.

On Saturday I took Earl to a new barber for a much needed haircut. Back when I had enough hair on top to actually get a haircut, I went to a great barber named John who could cut a killer flat top. I haven’t seen John in quite a while (over eight years), and Earl hasn’t been happy with his last couple of haircuts from the local barber so I took him to John’s. John is apparently very popular these days, because we ended up waiting 3 1/2 hours for Earl’s turn. It was great to shoot the bull with the other guys, kidding around, talking sports, computers and cell phones and all the town gossip. Nothing beats a small town barbershop on a Saturday afternoon.

After visiting with John (Earl has a great haircut by the way, we’ll be going often), we headed to Albany for shoe shopping. I have a pair of “Enforcer” boots that are starting to show they’re age. I absolutely love these boots, as they make me feel very, very confident. I know that I shouldn’t base my confidence on boots, but I do. Call me crazy. Anyways, I picked up another pair at Dick’s Sporting Goods. We then went to DSW, where I picked up a pair of black casual business shoes (Sketchers) and black dress-up business shoes (Hush Puppies). I think my feet have shrunk, because I was very comfortable in a size 9, whereas I usually where a 9 1/2. You know what they say about the size of a man’s feet, I hope other appendages have not begun to shrink.

We had dinner at Romano’s Italian Grille… neither had ever been to one and it seemed like a good place to eat. Great, great, great food – boring, boring, boring server. He had no personality whatsoever. Earl and I enjoyed a delicious pitcher of Sangrias so Earl ended up driving home. Someday I’ll be big enough to hold my alcohol respectably.

Then today the weather turned nice so we went for a drive through the Frankfort Gorge then the Ilion Gorge (both of which lead to the Mohawk Valley). The twisty road is always fun to drive with the Impala, and it was nice to pull over and enjoy the babbling brook, the sound of the birds and the sunshine. A nice little meditative moment to prepare for the work week ahead.

Everyone has their own way of improving their mood. Some people chant. Some people close their eyes and take a deep breath. Others go for a walk.

I think of Kitty Carlisle.

Last Saturday night Earl and I wasted time by watching “Greatest TV show moments III”. It was occasionally humorous, especially a segment of “To Tell The Truth”.

You remember the show. Three contestants try to convince a panel of four celebrities that they are a particular person.

The celebrities included the delightful Peggy Cass, the witty Gene Rayburn, the somewhat dense Bill Cullen and the always proper, regal Kitty Carlisle.

The contestants were claiming to be a bird fancier… the prince of the parakeet set if you will.

Kitty Carlisle placed her vote first, indicating that she believed contestant three was the real mccoy. Of course she used a roman numeral to place her vote.

Next was Bill Cullen, who voted zero. Apparently he had to disqualify himself because he knew who the real contestant was.

“How do you know the real person?”, asks Kitty, seemingly miffed at this disruption from the norm.

“I ran into him in the bathroom.”, replied Bill.

The rest of the panel began talking at once… “How do you know he’s the right guy?”

“He had his bird in his hand.”

Well if you could have seen Kitty Carlisle stand up, hand to her chest with a look of complete indignation and disbelief, then you’d understand why Kitty brings a smile to my face to this day.

When Earl and I moved to the suburbs, I had one primary concern. Competing with the neighbors. Especially when it when it comes to… the lawn.

I don’t enjoy mowing the lawn. I used to like it, but that lasted for maybe three weeks of the first year in our old house. Now its just a pain. It’s boring.

Apparently our neighbors feel the same. They don’t de-weed. The don’t use lawn sweepers. They do as I do… throw the mower to the lowest setting, and ride just on the edge of “burning rubber”.

I knew I loved this house.

As I’ve mentioned before over the past couple of weeks, I’ve felt a need to go back to the basics. To make life as simple as possible. There’s no time for complicated drama.

For example, Earl and I went out for supper tonight. Because it was the simple thing to do. Earl had a rough day at work and neither of us were in the mood to cook, so we went out to a local restaurant.

It was much simpler to order Chili-Cheese Fries then explain to the waitress how we wanted a healthy appetizer.

That being said, it was much easier to just say no to the dessert than to select something delicious from the wealth of choices we were presented with.

I’ve gone out of my way to make my computer simpler as well. I’m tired of struggling with Linux and Unix, so I’ve embraced Microsoft again. I’m even using MSN Premium! While it’s geared for the technological newbie, I’m finding the simplicity of MSN to be a dream.

I’m thinking of growing a garden this year. To just take it easy and grow my tomatoes and turnips or whatever.

There’s a certain amount of peace that comes with simplicity. As long as I don’t head over to brain dead, we’re good.

Here it is May 10 and the sun is out already! I had almost forgotten what it looked like. After all, we’ve had rain, rain and more rain for the past week or so.

The sunshine was a welcomed addition to my sunny mood I desperately tried to maintain today. And I’m glad to say that I was successful. I just sort of smiled a lot, like a crazed person that walks on the street and hums. Hum hum hum. If the people around me were smart, they’d send me off to the big building where the people inside make rag rugs with blunt scissors. And hum. But no, I’m just loose on the street, sunny disposition and all.

The only thing that really crossed me today was that suicide inducing, syrupey Delilah on the local “Lite Favorites” radio station. I couldn’t scan past her fast enough. The listener, obviously with a certain drawl in her voice, was crying because her daughter hasn’t been very nice to her. SCAN. I flipped around some more and then came across Delilah again, playing “Friends and Lovers” by Gloria Loring. I hope that wasn’t played in reference to the mother and daughter. That’s what I get for jumping off of NPR.

I did enjoy a lovely bike ride this evening after supper. It was nice to get out and stretch my legs and all. I’m getting back into the cycling groove and feeling quite good about it. My body is responding very well. I look forward to hills. I try to maintain a higher average speed. I feel confident.

There’s a promise of thunderstorms this evening. I can’t wait!

After returning to work Friday around 1 p.m., I decided that I had had enough for the week, so I talked to my boss and bowed out for the weekend at 3:00. Earl left work early as well. It was nice to get out and enjoy some sunshine and stuff like that. Friday was truly an Afternoon Delight.

We headed over to Lenscrafters at 6:00 for scheduled eye exams. We hadn’t had our eyes examined since 1998… needless to say it’s been much too long. Long story short – I apparently have the eyes of a 50 year old, complete with cataracts! Holy Helen Keller! That caught me completely off-guard. The optomologist told me that I will undoubtedly have to have cataract surgery in twenty years or so, but hey! look at the bright side – who knows where technology will be then… perhaps it’ll be even easier than the current same day surgery currently required. It certainly gave me a little dose of reality, but nothing to knock me over. I also need bifocals now (WTF), and in 10 days you’ll see me on my webcam with my stylin’ new, no-lines, frameless, anti-glare glasses.

Apparently all this computer use is damaging my eyes. So no more mood lighting for me at work – I’ll have everything on full brightness starting tomorrow, plus, I’ll be wearing my old reading glasses (like I should have been all along) until I get my new glasses. Don’t make fun of me when you see me on ‘cam. 🙂

Mother Nature wasn’t very cooperative for the rest of the weekend… we made some attempts to get the deck ready for summer, but the rain kept chasing us in. We decided to take a second mortgage out on the house, fill up the gas tank and go for a ride. We ended up shopping at a new store up north called WiseBuys. It’s a new chain of department stores specifically designed to replace the void left by Ames. As an old Ames/Hills/Zayre employee, it’s kind of nice to shop in a department store that isn’t a Wal*mart or Target, so I hope that WiseBuys does really well with what they’re trying to do. Earl bought a new pair of jeans dirt cheap.

We also took the opportunity to check out our first Kohl’s, which has just started making an appearance in the neck of the woods. We picked up some needed kitchen gadgets.

Today my Mom and sister came over for a Mother’s Day dinner and general chit chat. It was nice to get together with them. They both seem to be having a little bit of a rough time lately – I hope they get through that soon and find happiness.

We wrapped up the evening with “Total Recall” on DVD. I hadn’t seen it since I saw it at the movies in 1990… it was fun to watch. Now I’m getting ready to do some meditating before calling it a night.

A new week lies ahead, and I feel like I’m ready to take it on after this nice, relaxing, low-key weekend. A little meditation, some deep breaths, and a new pair of glasses… I can see clearly now.

There’s is nothing more relaxing than heading home in the middle of the hectic work day. Especially when the sun is shining beautifully, the temperature is at a friendly 65 degrees, the birds are chirping and the lawn is freshly mowed.

Earl and I picked out a new barbecue grill on Tuesday night, and I received a call from Lowe’s that it would be delivered today between 11 and 1. What an absolutely gorgeous day to head home for a little break. The perfect way to kick off what’s bound to be a glorious weekend… just what the doctor ordered.

Now, if Earl was home from work with me right now, it would truly be, an afternoon delight.

I haven’t written in my blog the last couple of days because I’ve basically been out of my mind. You know, the usual bout of emotional instability.

Let’s just say that on Monday I went red-lined the “emotional response scale” with a lot of screaming and cussing during a heated discussion at work that left everyone with mouths gaping and me walking out the door for a half hour of downtime to find my sanity. If anyone working for me had acted such as I did, they would have been fired on the spot. In that respect, it’s probably a good thing I’m the boss. But that does not make my behavior any more tolerable, and I’ve offered my sincerest apologies to victims and witnesses. But you know how you sometimes know that you’ve wrecked things permanently? I kind of feel that way now. So for the last two days I’ve been REALLY quiet and just doing my thing.

On the inside, I’ve been looking for the reason that I went postal. In all actuality, there isn’t any one reason… more like the culmination of a lot of a variety of things going on in my life. Earl being out of town. The feeling of a hampster running on a playwheel while I’m at work… running, running and running but not going anywhere. Crappy Central N.Y. weather. The lack of a parking space. Imperfect people in an imperfect world. Bush Lite and his cast of idiots in the government. Acid rain. Shaving irritation. Rude people in the elevator. Constipation. You name it. I guess I’ve been just damn cranky.

I’m not a big fan of being in management. Unfortunately, that’s a problem when your title is “Director of Operations”. I don’t like telling people what to do. I like to show them what to do, teach them, mold them, but I do not like managing them. I don’t want to decide who stays and who goes. I don’t like telling people that they are no longer valuable to the company and to pack up their desk. I don’t like deciding who gets a raise. I don’t like doing employee evaluations. Let’s face it, I barely like people.

My ideal work scenario involves being on a project team, working in concert with others towards a common, pre-planned goal. Tell me what to do and when to do it by then leave me alone in my work area and let me get it done. Let me contribute to the vision, don’t make me be the lone painter of the big picture.

Earl’s response, God love him, is “fix it.” And he’s right. When you have a problem, you correct it. If you have an issue, resolve it. And I’ve been thinking about how to do that.

I know that this entry must seem vague and perhaps idiotic to the casual reader. Maybe that’s appropriate. I’ve been feeling vague and perhaps idiotic.

All I know is that on Monday I was at the lowest point of the emotional see-saw. Now, the only way is up.

It’s amazing that I was such a bastard on Monday considering the wonderful weekend Earl and I had. “The Punisher” at the local drive-in. Beautiful summerlike weather. A walk through Onondaga Lake Park. Saturday night supper at a 50s hot dog stand. It was glorious.

As I write this blog entry, I am simultaneous engaging in a “first” for me in my geekdom. I am sitting on the back deck of our home, with my work laptop, typing this blog entry.

It’ a beautiful 75 degrees here in Central New York, even at 10:04 p.m. on the second to last night of April 2004. Forty-eight hours ago, it was snowing. When I left work today, it was 87 degrees. God, how I love spring weather.

As I look up, I see a beautiful half moon, as clear and distinct as one can imagine, directly overhead. It provides enough light for me to see the keyboard of my laptop, as well as my immediate surroundings. It’s amazing to think that around 35 years ago, humans actually walked on the face of that moon, with a tiny fraction of the technology we have today.

To my right and off to the west, I see the ever so slight presence of haze, an indicator of imminent rain within the next 48 hours. Perhaps theres a thunderstorm getting ready to organize itself for the weekend. Maybe the sun will prevail and we’ll enjoy another picture perfect day tomorrow.

Straight ahead, I look down the hill, through a row of evergreens and see the lights of the western end of the Mohawk Valley, including the City of Utica and her small, cluster of western “suburbs”. Though she’s a worn, slimmed down city from years of hard work, abandonment, celebration and abuse, she’s beginning to show promise of her second life. She’s showing hope and promise again, in small baby steps.

In the distance I hear the lively chirp of crickets, a sure sign that it is indeed spring. They pause for a dozen seconds… perhaps a stray cat is walking through the brush, interrupting their serenade. But as the intruder passes, the orchestra resumes, right where they left off, without skipping a note.

The crickets have a chorus of cars and trucks as accompaniment, as travelers make their way across New York State’s “Main Street”, the New York State Thruway. Perhaps a newer looking hotel will be found in Syracuse; maybe there’s a McDonalds at the next Service Area. The bustle of the traffic is joined by the closer, local Utica-Rome Expressway, as guards make their way to the local prisons and employees head to the mammoth Wal*Mart Distribution Center not far from here. Drivers are happy because yesterday they were given the green light to drive 65 MPH.

Overhead I can see the flash of five or six airliners, lined up perfectly straight of one another and equidistant apart. In that half dozen jets could be as many 1,500 people, oblivious to the fact that I am sitting on the back deck for the first time, blogging on my work laptop. They are content to enjoy the beginning of their movie or cocktail service, wondering what lies ahead at their destination.

Again I look to the west and think of Earl, who’s winding up his work week in Ohio this evening. Who will join the many drivers on the Thruway tomorrow and head back home after a brief stop to meet with the boss in Buffalo.

I feel a small glint of anticipation, as the thought of tomorrow’s activities invade my concentration for a brief moment. One more work day to go until the weekend.

As I wrap up my entry, a small easterly breeze passes through. The crickets stop to investigate. The traffic continues. The planes move on. And the lights twinkle. A slight chill reminds me that it is indeed still April. And while the promise of summer is on the horizon, we are now enjoying a Mid Spring Night’s Dream.