After taking an unexpected week off from work last week, I’ve been slowly getting my feet back under me at my new job. I was going along great guns for the three and a half weeks before my sister’s hospital stay, but because I’m still very new at my job, it took me a little while on Monday to remember how to perform some of my new responsibilities.

Nevertheless, I’ve been slowly getting back into the swing of things and I’m starting to feel productive again. It hit me yesterday afternoon what part of the problem is. (I like to think of these realizations as mini-epiphanies, but Earl thinks I’m being overly dramatic, which I probably am). I’m worrying about what people think of me again. Granted, I should keep in mind what my supervisor thinks of my job performance, especially with his being in charge of the group and all, but I was starting to feel self conscious about asking too many questions, appearing too stupid for the position, yada yada yada. I was beginning every question with “I’m sorry to have to ask this, but…” But then I realized, I’m new at the job! If they didn’t feel that I could do the job, they wouldn’t have hired me. If they didn’t feel that I was going to make it, they wouldn’t have offered me an advance of my benefit time (which I’m not eligible for until November) to cover last week’s absence!

So this morning I went in with a little more confidence. I’m confident that I’m going to learn all the nuances of my new position. I’m confident that I am going to be a productive member of the group. I’m confident that my stay with the company is going to be a long, happy one. You know what? It made my day that much better. I feel like I learned more. I feel like I contributed more. I felt more productive.

There’s one more thing I’m confident about. I’ll probably blab about this in my blog sometime in the future.

My sister was released from the hospital today and is resting comfortably at home. She’s on four different types of medicine, including antibiotics, something for her blood and something else equally pharmacutical. She seems to be doing well, but she’s going to be off her feet for a while. Thank you for all the kind words.

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