Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

Ah, sleep. The older we get, the more we want it but the less we get it. It’s 5:45 a.m. and I’ve been awake for about an hour. My husband has roamed the bedroom and rest of the condo on and off since I went to bed around 10:00 p.m. It’s what he does. I honestly don’t know how much sleep I got last night. I’d guess around six-ish hours but it wasn’t the quality sleep I’d normally enjoy. I feel rested but I’m going to need a nap during the day. Lunch hour naps are always fun. When I worked in an office I used to find a parking lot near a mall or shopping center and nap in my Jeep. Nowadays I nap on the couch after a quick bite to eat.

There’s an art to napping: too little and it’s a wasted effort, too long and you’re groggy for the rest of the day. Twenty minutes is my sweet spot. If I can get 20 minutes of nap time in around noon I’m golden for the latter half of the work day.

Part of the fun of living in a major city is the sounds of the city at night. Normally if one were to step out on the balcony they’d just hear the whine of civilization: heating units cycling on and off, an emergency siren off in the distance, a helicopter looking for news. But life starts early in the big city. The ‘L’ starts its morning runs around 4:40 a.m. Props to whoever thought running metal wheels on a metal track was a grand idea. The garbage trucks start banging the dumpsters around 5:30 a.m. The neighbors get restless around 4:00 a.m.

I’m going to go for a walk in a few minutes to officially get my day going. At least, I think I’m going to go for a walk. My eyes are starting to feel droopy as I type this blog entry. Perhaps I’ll take that midday nap early and then rearrange my walking and other exercise schedule to accommodate my mood and energy level.

It’s a new year and perhaps a good time to stop being so rigid with my schedule and start going with the flow.

In 2020 I wrote a blog entry at least once a day. Actually, once in a great while I’d write two on a day and then back date one of them because I didn’t get the chance to finish that first blog entry on that intended day. So yes, there were blog entries on every single day in 2020.

There were probably way more blog entries than readers. Personal blogs of this nature are really not the “in” thing anymore.

This blog turns 20 years old this year. My first blog entry was in the latter half of 2001. I can’t believe this site has been around for that long. It seems like just a short time ago I figured out how to move from raw HTML files to MovableType and then later to WordPress.

Many folks are hoping 2021 turns out to be a magic cure-all for everything the ails the planet right now. I just say that 2021 will be only as good as we make it to be. We’ve got to work together to make things better. That being said, I’m still quite excited about the arrival of 2021. Keep moving forward, keep learning, keep striving to make things better.

My last eye exam was in early 2018. At the time it was determined that while I could use glasses for every day living, I really should have been using glasses for reading and computer use. Since my computer time in hours numbers in the double digits on a daily basis (I am a systems engineer for a technology company), I opted to go with the computer and reading glasses. I’ve worn them on and off and they didn’t seem to help as much as I thought they would. But when I wore my computer glasses for walking around the house or out and about things were amazingly clear. I just figured “it is what it is” and went with it. My eyes started getting a little tired about six months ago, so I picked up a pair or two of $10 “cheater” glasses and have been using them when I’ve been feeling eye strain.

I decided I needed to get an eye exam in before the end of the year, so I opted to go to a different eye place that had a same day appointment available. I went to the local Warby Parker last night.

It turns out my current glasses are tinted to filter out blue light from the computer but are actually my “everyday” prescription, not my “computer and reading” prescription. In that regard, my eyes are exactly the same prescription they were back in early 2018. Dr. Li recommended I start wearing those glasses for everyday use.

She re-evaluated my computer and reading logistics and I’ve ordered a pair of glasses for that purpose as well. I like Warby Parker’s web site and app; if I want to purchase any new glasses down the road I can virtually try them on using the app and the selection is quite affordable.

We talked about Bifocals. Because of the amount of time I spend on the computer, she didn’t recommend bifocals for me because I’d be constantly moving my head up and down and around to focus and that could lead to neck strain.

So I’ll be running around with two pairs of glasses or wearing my everyday glasses and holding things out to read if I don’t have my reading glasses at hand.

The joys of aging.

The passing of this planet from what we call “2020” to what we call “2021” is actually nothing. A mere speck in the grandness of the Universe will pass by the relatively same spot around an ordinary star as it did a year ago; the measurement being assigned by those that will not make even the slightest dent in the grandness of the Universe. Nevertheless, the incrementing of the human made chronometer brings about words and thoughts of resolution, renewal, and most importantly, hope. I hope 2021 will bring this planet what it needs, not what it wants.

In years past at the New Year I have talked about my hesitation to list resolutions. I am always striving to grow and expand my knowledge, and the eve of 2021 is no different. However, with the state of the world in 2020, what with the pandemic and all, I find myself thinking more in philosophical ways. What changes in my approach to life will make for a better experience for all involved? Am I living my life as completely as possible? I am tapping my potential productively?

I’m sure the presence of these thoughts is married to the fact that I am more than a half century in age. I don’t feel like my time is running out but I do feel like I still have much more I’d like to do with my life. It’s the inner dialog that I need to fine tune. The inner voice that marked dreams as unattainable is quieter; in 2021 my one goal is to simply find more of my own self encouragement.

I hope to expand upon my reading list. I’m not looking for self-help books. I’m not looking for cookbooks to bake a beautiful life. I’m looking for seeds that will nudge me to grow more positivity. Many decades ago a high school English teacher mentioned in my yearbook that I was nice “but a complainer”. I’ve never forgotten this, after all, it’s still written write there in my yearbook in glorious Bic ballpoint pen and 20th century penmanship, but it is something I’m always trying to distance myself from. Why complain about things we have no control over? That’s an exercise in futility and I no longer want to engage in futile activities.

I look forward to the human experience improving in 2021. It has to, as 2020 was pretty bleak for most. Improve that which we have control over and don’t fret over things that we cannot control.

Perhaps that’s the key to making this speck in the Universe something a little more significant.