Fitness.

If ‘Fit Happens’ shouldn’t the customers be encouraged to walk around to the back of the building? It seems like even more fit would happen.

“You’re doing it again.”

Wait a minute, I knew that voice. It’s been a little while since we had gone riding together on a bicycle and had a nice chat, but here it was the middle of January and I was hearing that voice again.

It was my body talking to my head again. I believe a waitress on the show “Alice” called her inner voice ‘Isabelle’, I don’t have a name for my inner voice. That’s just weird.

“You’re doing it again”, the voice persisted. “It’s the beginning of the year and you’re trying to negate a few extra pounds by being drastic.”

I finally relented and replied. “I’m doing no such thing.”

“Yes, you are. You haven’t used any of the quarters in your desk drawer to buy a diet pop this week and quite frankly I have taken notice. I want a diet pop RIGHT NOW”, the voice demanded.

“Think of the dead birds in Arkansas”, was my only reply.

“What does that have to do anything?”

“Well something made them drop out of the sky, perhaps they had a diet pop or something. That crap is only a molecule or two away from rat poison and quite frankly you’ll be happier when you don’t have that stuff clogging up the insides”. Distraction might work.

“I don’t think the birds in Arkansas drank a can of Diet Rite.”

“Well I’m not going to either.” Sometimes I have to put my foot down.

“How about a Baconator?” The question was simple.

I sighed. “Nope. I have this lovely, homemade turkey wrap and you know you love it.”

“I miss when we used to be able to say ‘I’m lovin’ It'”. He was referring to my McDonalds fascination a while back.

“You didn’t say that when we spent extra time on the toilet”, was my hasty reply.

I started eating the wrap when the voice chimed again. “Hey this is good!”

“See, I told you that you would like it.” You have to show them who’s boss.

“Let’s pretend it’s Friday and get a chocolate chip cookie at Dunkin’ Donuts,” the voice said excitedly.

“If we get a cookie today we won’t get one tomorrow,” I bargained.

“If you get a cookie today I’ll have more energy to finish the report that’s due”, he countered.

“No pop.”

“Agreed, no pop.”

The cookie was delicious and the iced tea is giving me a little boost.

And they say that talking to yourself is crazy.

It’s just around the corner from a New Year and naturally I have been thinking about resolutions. I’m not really feeling the need to embark on a bunch of resolutions for 2011 (say it with me, “twenty eleven”), but I do have some goals in mind to make the remainder of this life experience a little bit better for me.

Years ago I lost a bunch of weight and honestly I could never really tell you how I did it. I don’t remember what my eating habits were, outside of brief flings with being a vegetarian and paying lots of money to Slim Fast, and while I don’t really feel the need to lose a bunch of weight I do want to eat a little healthier and replace some of the bulk with a touch of muscle. Who doesn’t want to do that, right?

I have been eating protein bars and drinking protein shakes on and off for the past decade or so and can I just say that I am really, really tired of the taste of chocolate. Of course, this didn’t prevent Earl and me have from having a threesome with Godiva the other night but the chocolate Muscle Milk and the chocolate “Whey To Go!” bars and the chocolate “Dine-o-Right!” slabs are an exercise in monotony that can only be compared to folding piles of underwear. I mean, feeding people trying to eat healthy their weight in chocolate is suppose to make this whole dieting thing fun, right? Instead, it teaches us that eating chocolate is healthy and therefore it’s okay to take a walk across the Milky Way if we can’t get to that “Dine-O-Right!” bar.

All of this enhanced chocolate, and by enhanced I am referring to the addition of chlorine molecules so it’ll slide right through your pooper without adding any sort of nutritional value or consequence to your attempts at being svelte, has overloaded my taste buds so much that I am already cringing at thought of an Easter Bunny appearance and it’s not even January yet. Breaking up this monotony with a vanilla flavored bar or, Gods forbid a strawberry concoction that’s designed to make me giddy, is equal to getting dark underwear in that pile of whites that you’re folding.

I have decided to shun the chocolate fake-health bar, pass on the promises of powdered sugary health food and skip the protein with a nougat. I did a little research this morning and found that many of these things are no more than glorified chocolate bars (shocker!) so instead I just spent half of my lunch hour walking through the healthier choices of the local market and picked up some nuts, fruits, vegetables and a suggestion of turkey for when I want to walk on the wild side. Doing a little research and making sensible choices, instead of being force-fed (ha!) promises of sweet nothings and other empty promises has to work out (ha!) better for me in the long run, right?

Now it’s time to hit the bike. Or maybe snowshoe.

Will autumn beginning to make an appearance in our area you’d think that my energy would be ramping back a bit, but I’m finding just the opposite to be true. With the cooler breezes and the very beginnings of the rustling of the leaves I’m finding myself wanting to be outdoors more doing things. Last night I jumped on the bike for a 15 mile ride after work. I pushed myself pretty hard on the ride, only stopping once to catch my breath. The ride was pleasant, I even did most of it on the road as opposed to riding the trails.

Last night I decided to run some errands around 8:30 p.m., heading to the mall to pick up some stuff at GNC and just driving around a little bit with the windows and sunroof open. It was a great way to cool off after my ride.

This morning I set my alarm 30 minutes earlier so I could workout with the Wii Fit again. It’s been a while since I used it; we bought a couple of new Wii accessories so Earl and Jamie have been playing quite a bit at night and I thought I should jump in on the fun as well. So instead of lying in bed with my eyes shut until the last possible moment this morning I was up and working out. I feel really good.

It’s funny that I’m feeling this now instead of in May or June but I don’t care, I’m not going to a couch potato this fall or winter.

I was never much of a drinker for the first 35 or so years of my life. I wasn’t chomping at the bit to turn 21 so that I could legally drink and when I finally reached that age I celebrated with a diet coke at DiRocco’s in Tyngsboro, Mass. as my friends toasted their beers and mixed drinks around me.

Once in a while I’d pop open a beer or have a mixed drink when DJing, but usually I opted for straight cranberry juice or diet pop with no ice. I started enjoying beer more toward the end of my days in radio and have kept up the practice since then. I have never been drunk to the point that I passed out or puked; I usually get really chatty, really silly, really dizzy and then fall asleep, hopefully in that order. Occasionally I’d drive home while buzzing which is a very, very stupid thing to do. I have sat through more than one meal where I recall nothing aside from what Earl told me, an order of ribs at Zebb’s (in which I apparently loudly exclaimed “I hate ribs” and proceeded to fall asleep in the coleslaw) or a full dinner for breakfast at Denny’s (because I absolutely had to have pancakes so I ordered fried chicken). I find this embarrassing.

I know a man that is 50 years old and has never been drunk in his life. I don’t believe that he has ever had a drink before. I know another that is a few years older than me that has never drank at all. I know a 19 year old that has sworn to never drink for his entire life. I admire them. On the flip side, I know a few too many who drink without reason; there’s no party, no one around, they just drink. Perhaps they drown their sorrows.

If I ever had a sorrow it seemed to get worse when I drank.

If I ever had a happy moment, it didn’t really get that much happier when I drank. In fact, it’d usually turn a little weird and then fade away with the drink I had in celebration.

So today I pledge to never drink alcohol again. This is not an easy thing as I enjoy the taste of beer, but there’s enough non-alcoholic varieties out there to keep things interesting in a pinch.

I don’t expect anyone to follow my lead. I judge no one, I think no less of those that enjoy a beer or a cosmo or a Long Island iced tea, quite frankly it’s none of my business. I expect no change from others, I am selfish in this endeavour and doing it only for me. I have made great strides in the health department as of late, this is my next jump over a hurdle.

It’s time to clean the mind as well and experience everything the Universe gives me in full technicolor without messing with the horizontal or vertical hold.

Bye-bye, Bud.