There has been something I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while, and after several weeks of pondering on this, I have decided to go for it and make this bold announcement right here on my blog. That’s right, you’re hearing it here first.

I bought the official Apple Polishing Cloth.

There it is in glorious color, positioned at a jaunty angle atop the original packaging.

I mentioned this fact a few weeks ago on an Apple centric Reddit channel and was promptly chastised and mocked for having made such a purchase from an extravagant $19.00. Apparently I can go to the dollar store and buy some knock off wipes called Sham-Mee or Sham-Wow or something and accomplish the same exact task, the desire to clean finger prints from my M2 MacBook Air in Midnight, with the same ease instead of buying into Apple’s rapid and vapid commercialism and capitalism and paying a whopping $19.00 for a polishing cloth.

After all, in this era of buying $9 coffees (Mocha-Chocha-Woo-Woo-Zaire-Lite, no whip please) with more calories that an African nation, how dare I spend money that will make Tim Apple a billionaire.

I like my polishing cloth. It feels good on my hands, it completes its task quite well, and I’m so delighted I’ll probably buy another one to whip out at Starbucks.

Mocha-Chocha that.