February 16, 2012


I just tweeted about this but I thought I would elaborate here a little more. Due to the hectic work schedules, there has not been time to go to the grocery store to stock up the cupboards and the fridge, so I needed to buy my lunch today. I’m on a vegetarian kick (it’s my second day, yay!) so I opted to go to the World’s Best Subway (my description of the place which is apparently becoming outdated), which is situated in the little mall near work. I say “little mall” but that’s being generous, it’s populated with eight stores, including the movie theatre and the aforementioned Subway.

As I walked in the main entrance, I noticed two men looking at me and smiling which was kind of creepy. They were sitting on the small gathering of four tables outside of the entrance to Subway. This area is otherwise known as The Food Court. For some reason, I think it would do better in this little mall if they called it Ye Food Courte but I digress.

As I made my way towards the entrance of Subway, one of the men leaped up and started screaming and dancing. I think the screaming was suppose to be singing but it was more startling than anything as he bellowed, “Welcome to the Pyramid Mall Johnstown! Wooooooo!” I smiled politely, looked around for the Candid Camera and walked into Subway, where the tune apparently changed. “Welcome to Subway! Home of the $5 sub! Wooooooooo!” This verse required a little bit of shuffling, as the disheveled looking gentleman, whom I noticed was wearing a uniform from the local grocery store, started doing a little dance a la “Hello my baby” from the WB.

“Why thank you,” I said in my gruffest voice, which sounds like the blond guy from Brokeback Mountain (the top).

I got into line at Subway and didn’t think about the dancing man much more as the woman with the mustache in front of me pulled out a list of one or two dozen subs and started barking out her order in the wrong order, asking for the veggies first. I banged my head against the closest wall a few times and that’s when the woman down the Subway assembly line looked at me, smiled and said, “I can help you over here.” She promptly put together a veggie sub on wheat that was remarkably tasty. As I was paying and accumulating points, I couldn’t help but notice that the woman with the mustache was still barking out random vegetables when asked if she wanted her tuna subs toasted or not. She’d reply “tomato.”

As I made my way to the beverage counter to get my unsweetened iced tea, the man from the hallway burst through the doors and screamed “$5 subs only at Subway of Pyramid Mall Johnstown! Wooooooo!” He then shuffled back outside of the restaurant.

I turned to the cashier and said, in my best Brokeback Mountain (the top) voice, “that was odd.”

“Yeah, he does that all the time and it scares us but we laugh.” She then gave a nervous laugh that bounced her jaw like one of the monsters from Scooby Doo.

Sounds like a hoot.

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