Married. Again.

I want to get married again. I want Earl and I to celebrate our 10th anniversary next year by renewing our vows and inviting our families and friends to witness the event. I want a big party. I want to wear a tux. I want to be a legally recognized couple in the Empire State. I want to file taxes together. I want to be able to walk hand and hand down the street with my husband, and yes, I used the term husband for a change, letting everyone know that “yes, I am married to this big bear of a man and I have never been so happy in my life.”

Earl and I have been watching “First Comes Love”, which I guess was originally titled “My Big Fabulous Gay Wedding”, on the new Logo channel (that’s the gay channel that’s run by the same people that run MTV). I’m really not that keen on the show. It’s about the flamboyant Scott Thompson being a couple’s “wedding fairy” where he and his group of wedding experts put on a big, lavish, outrageous wedding for a same-sex couple in love. It’s legal and all, because it takes place in Canada. You can tell by the accents, the use of metric measurements and the lack of toothless people waving signs that say “those two fags can’t get married” in the background.

Though I’ve only seen two episodes, the wedding ceremonies are way too far over the top for my tastes. Fa-fa hor d’oeurves. Art galleries. Botox. Shirtless dancing men in the aisle. “Theme weddings” based on the couple’s heritage. I think Earl looks hot in a kilt. Especially when he’s doing handstands (just kidding), but I don’t know if I can see him standing in front of a Justice of the Peace exchanging vows with me in a kilt just because he’s 1/10th Scottish. What the hell would I wear? I’m Scottish, Irish, French Canadian, Welsh, German, English and God knows what else. Do I wear a dog collar to represent the mutt that I really am? Maybe I’m too traditional, but I think tuxes are more appropriate for a wedding ceremony. But I guess to each his own.

It’s not like our wedding back in ’96 was anywhere near traditional. We wore dress clothes and looked decent enough, but we exchanged our vows in front of Earl’s step brother Rick and Rick’s girlfriend Helen on Penns Landing in Philadelphia. There was no big crowd; just the four of us, the day after Christmas, after dark, in the cold, exchanging our vows and our rings. A boatload of Marines passed by. There were cheers. We couldn’t have been happier. I wouldn’t exchange our wedding for any other type of experience. It’s just what we wanted and it still brings a lump to my throat to this day when I think about it.

With our 10 year anniversary just 18 months away, I need to start saving money now if it’s going to be a big affair, after all, I’ve mentioned how much I suck at saving money before. The problem is, I want our union to be legally recognized. I want a Justice of the Peace to conduct the ceremony. I want our partnership to be certified. Is that too much to ask? Our families have been supportive. There are those that may not completely understand our relationship, but I believe that they respect us and still love us. Why can’t our country, the country that we pay our taxes to, respect, celebrate, mourn for and would die for if necessary, show us the same respect?

It falls on deaf ears.

Regardless, I think we’ll have that big celebration next year. And as outrageous or traditional as it turns out to be, it will still be one Fabulous Gay Wedding (er, Renewing Of Our Vows).


  1. the lack of toothless people waving signs that say “those two fags can’t get married” in the background.

    Hysterical. I almost choked on my mint tea.

  2. …Botox. Shirtless dancing men in the aisle…

    Glad the gay minstrelsy started by Queer Eye continues even though ‘we’ now have our own channel.

  3. http://www.thedesertsun.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050713/COLUMNS25/507130340/1085/NEWS01

    Mayor’s vision fully in focus
    Cindy Uken
    The Desert Sun
    July 13, 2005

    As a member of the Palm Springs Human Rights Commission in the 1990s, Ron Oden was instrumental in getting Black Entertainment Television included in the local programming lineup. Now Mayor, Oden is lobbying to get more programming included that focuses on yet another minority group – gays and lesbians.

    But his vision for what it could bring is much broader than local programming; it’s an economic opportunity.

    Oden, widely thought to be the country’s first openly gay black mayor, is lobbying strenuously to get Q Television Network, a Palm Springs-based network, included on the Time Warner Cable television lineup. Q Television Network is a nationally syndicated gay television network run by and programmed for an audience that identifies itself as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender – and straight. It would be a natural fit for Palm Springs, which boasts a significant gay and lesbian population.

    But for Oden, this is about so much more than just adding a network that is gay- and lesbian-based; it’s about doing what’s right for Palm Springs. And that’s what really gets his creative juices flowing.

    This is the place where noted retailers like Nordstrom and J. Crew frequently come for print advertising and catalog shoots.

    More than 800 shooting days – including movies, TV shows, commercials and still photography – netted the valley $28 million in revenues in 2004, according to the Inland Empire Film Commission.

    With the right production studio, Palm Springs and the Coachella Valley just might be able to take things to the next level. Theoretically, it could become a Hollywood satellite that turns media production into a source for year-round, high-paying jobs?

    “If they get on Time Warner, they are going to build a production studio in the city,” Oden said. “It gives us another opportunity to do things here. They’re going to syndicate some national shows and broadcast from here on a daily basis. We’re moving, baby.”

    Oden said one of the complaints he often hears is that there is no place in Palm Springs to produce programs; if Q Television Network builds a studio here, that would void that complaint.

    Time Warner corporate officers are trying to negotiate a nationwide agreement with the type of network product Q Television Network offers, said Kathi Jacobs, director of government and community relations for Time Warner. The company is considering three different products in the same network genre; Q Television Network is one of them. She said a decision in expected “sometime in the future.”

    Carol Hinnant, vice president of acquisitions for Q Television Network, said Tuesday, “We are still talking with Time Warner and hope for a positive resolution in the next couple of months.”

    As I’ve gotten to know Oden better during his tenure as mayor – and watch how he works – there are no accidents. Most everything he does is by design.

    Earlier this year, he talked of his vision to reestablish Palm Springs as a playground for the stars. He enlisted the help of actors, singers, writers and others to brainstorm ways to attract more stars and visitors to the city – and bring the Hollywood allure back to the desert.

    Once a bit static, the picture is starting to become much clearer. It’s becoming a don’t-miss drama.

  4. I don’t think I’d have the shirtless dancers, though like the two guys in kilts, I think Moe and I would be in tears before we even had to start saying our vows.

  5. Oh honey, bring on the shirtless dancing guys! They probally wax their chests. Mmmmm Mmmmm Good! 🙂

    We just celebrated 10, I wanted to have a big to-do, but I really am big and fat now…..guess I’ll wait till 15, on a cruise ship, at sunset.

    If you got married in International Waters, what would it be for a gay couple? Would it be based on the ships country of origin, or the fact that the waters are international? Would it, or could it be legal like that???? Just curious……

  6. I was looking for requirements to getting married at Penns Landing. Congrats on your 1st and 2nd marriage. Can you help me?, tell me if there is any costs involved with getting married at Penns.Do you need permisssion from the city or anything like that??? any help and/or tips will be greatly appreciated

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