Typical Conversations.

Him: “I hate it when you buy that Tom’s of Maine stuff. The toothpaste tastes terrible.”
Me: “I didn’t buy Tom’s of Maine toothpaste.”
Him: “I just used it upstairs, in the tube lying next to your sink.”
Me: “That’s shaving cream.”
* * *
Me: “I miss Lechmere. Do you remember shopping at Lechmere? Pure heaven. Now we’re stuck with Best Buy and Circuit City. Blech. And while I’m ranting, I miss Hills too.”
Him: “I know, I know.”
* * *
Me: “Is it true that Jon Bon Jovi didn’t do drugs.”
Him: “I’m pretty sure he was clean.”
Me: “Do you think Valerie Bertenelli did drugs with Eddie Van Halen?”
* * *
Me: “Is that guy real shrill?”
Him: “He’s more Kathy Najimy than Lily Tomlin.”
Me: “I guess he’s definitely not a Bea Arthur, then.”
* * *