I’ve decided that I have been quite moody for the …

I’ve decided that I have been quite moody for the past week or so. Cranky. A little bit irritable. I finally figured it out this morning. Two words. Cabin Fever. I am suffering from cabin fever.

I received a new Adventure Cycling magazine this week and it outlines the tours available for 2003. I am REALLY wishing to go on a bike ride. Soon! I want to get on my new bike and ride ride ride like the wind, there’s no doubt about it. I want to pack some camping gear and get away from it all for a couple of days. Me, my bike and the road, with Earl waiting at the end smiling.

I’m kind of frightened of the fact that I have a touch of cabin fever, since it’s still only mid-January and with the way this winter has been going, spring is probably a ways off still.

Earl was toying with me yesterday and suggested a trip to Arizona for a week this spring. How I love the desert. I would leap at the opportunity to go hang out in the desert for a couple of days. Is it my cabin fever talking? Perhaps – but I think I was meant to be a creature of the desert. There’s a whole spiritual thing for me when I think about the desert.

I’ve been playing The Sims and “Sim City 4” all day today. We picked up the new version of Sim City yesterday – I’m really enjoying it. I had two guys in my Sims family, but they refuse to hook up. What’s up with that?

It’s amazing what you can do with Google. Earl is…

It’s amazing what you can do with Google. Earl is downstairs watching the Eagles game and every once in a while I can hear shouts of sports ecstacy coming up the staircase. I’m glad he’s enjoying himself. I like to watch football, but not on television. Honestly, I have a hard enough time watching it while sitting in a stadium and keeping track of everything. Trying to keep track of what’s happening on a 27-inch TV is way too much work. πŸ™‚

So I’m busying myself up here exploring nooks and crannies of the internet with Google. I have “safesearch” on whenever I search on Google, because frankly, I don’t care if Vera wants me to show her tits on her webcam when I’m searching for software downloads. I find it amazing that you can put in people’s names and find out so much. I put in my name first, and came up with all sorts of posts I put the usenet (the newsgroups) back in 1989 and 1990 when I was working for DEC. That was kind of weird. I printed one out for Earl (it was about the TV show Isis) and his comment was “You haven’t changed a bit.” I guess in some respects I haven’t.

Then I started plunking in the names of people I used to work with and once in a while dated during my DECcie days. Surprisingly, Mark is now an accomplished musician in a band in San Francisco. He was very strange, much like myself, and others in the Digital gay group BGLAD wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole. Me? He was just my type.

Then there’s Marcus, who is still all political, living in Washington, D.C. now instead of Boston. He was the oldest guy I ever dated, he was 40 at the time, I was 22.

There’s Derek – who’s an accomplished software engineer in New Hampshire. A nice guy, but a lousy kisser. And he used an electric razor, which is a definite deal breaker with me. (Long story). Come to think of it, I think he was an accomplished software engineer when I dated him. I guess I didn’t notice.

Ah, yes, Buck. Who worked in the building next to mine. A very fine looking man, who took me to the movies my last night of living in New England. I didn’t really give myself the chance to get to know him better, but he seemed like the wild type. He dressed in leather and had a military haircut (remember it was 1990 at the time) and seemed like he could be wild. I couldn’t find out much about him on the internet. You wouldn’t believe how many guys go by the name Buck in Boston.

So then I looked up my old roommate from this area and found him working with the Empire Pride Agenda. How very good for him, I sent him e-mail suggesting Earl and I meet him for dinner sometime.

I suppose this walk through my past was all started because of something that happened this afternoon. Earl and I went through a hellish hour of grocery shopping at the local Price Chopper. Now, we both hate Price Chopper with a passion, but decided it was close and to give them “one more try”. Oy. Not only is the store horribly outdated, over crowded and populated with Italian women with big hair and furry coats (and I’m not talking about their jackets), but they have the worst self-serve registers I’ve ever seen.

Anyways, while we were shopping, we ran into an old friend of mine, Melissa. Melissa and I worked together at the Association for Retarded Citizens back in the early 1990s, when I first moved to the area. We were both single and we both worked the same shift, Tuesday 12 noon to Thursday 3 p.m. (straight through), only at different community residences. We’d go out on Thursday nights together. Melissa is probably the only woman that I ever had even an inkling of a romantic feeling for. After a while, a few unfortunate incidents transpired and I quite coldly quit talking to her, for about a year or so. After I was an absolute bitch for a year and went out of my way to ignore her, we started talking again (why she started talking to me again I’ll never know) and then poof – I was determined to get into radio (which she supported), determined to make a doomed relationship “undoomed” and then she went and did her thing… exploring what she wanted and such. I’ve thought of Melissa often and wondered what she was up to. I’ve always wanted to tell her that I was sorry that I was such a wench towards her during a difficult time. And here she was, standing in front of Earl and I in the milk department, with her gorgeous nine-month old baby and seemingly long-time partner. She looked beautiful and I was so happy that she had found her path. I couldn’t really tell her that I missed her and was sorry for all that had transpired, because it really didn’t seem appropriate in the middle of this hideous grocery store. But I suppose there was some closure as that I knew she was doing o.k.

So I’m babbling. Earl was a little surprised at how “rocked” I was by running into Melissa. So I had to explain the whole thing to him. He’s so patient with me. But this little meeting has me re-evaluating my lot in life again. Do I want kids? I don’t know. Do I need a new career? Perhaps, but where to start at 34 years old? Should I just give in and declare myself insane? Probably, but not likely.

He’s just come up to tell me that the Eagles won against Atlanta – 20 to 6. I suppose Philly is celebrating right now. πŸ™‚ I look over at him as I’m typing this, and he tells me, again, how much he loves the iMac I bought him for Christmas. And then he tells me that he loves me. I never thought I would have found someone who could understand me. I’m glad I did.

I am sitting downstairs at our breakfast table. Ea…

I am sitting downstairs at our breakfast table. Earl is cooking lunch (I believe we are having sausage roll) and watching some entertainment gossip show at the same time. I’ve been messing around with the computer and I just got around to taking a shower.

I have to admit that after 34 1/2 years in this life, some people may be right. My moods can be like a pendulum. Now I’m not some whackos that goes from 0 to 60 on the rage scale in five seconds, but I guess I tend to look at all sides of the situation and I tend to want to try all things. For example, I switched web page software today (again) and installed Microsoft FrontPage 2002. That’s a complete 180 from my anti-Microsoft stance last week, now isn’t it. πŸ™‚

When I’m on “one side” of an argument, I stay on that side and stand my ground, but when it’s more trivial stuff (should we go to the movies, what do you want for supper, Linux-Windows-Linux-Windows) I tend to look at all sides (advantages/disadvantages) of this situation. Does this mean I’m a mess? Maybe … but at least I recognize it now.

I’m slowly accomplishing my 2003 resolutions and it’s Jan 4th! I haven’t fallen off the wagon yet.

Tonight we are going to see “Lord of the Rings”, the second installment. We watched the DVD of the first one on New Year’s Eve, now we’re ready to see the one currently in theatres. After Lord of the Ring, we watched Dick Clark and his usual drop the ball ceremony. I have a theory that he’s really not there at all and just recorded 15 years or so ahead of time and now we’re seeing that. But I can be a conspiracy theory whacko when I want to be.

I finally decided to shave off my mustache. When I did so, I instantly felt better about myself. I don’t know why I put such stock into my physical appearance, but I admit it, I am very vain. I may not be the prettiest on the block, but I carry myself like I am. πŸ™‚

It’s been several hours since I started this entry, now Earl is taking a shower and we are getting ready to head to a 6:30 movie – “Lord of the Rings”. It should be a fun night.

12/29/2002 I’ve been slightly following this stor…

12/29/2002

I’ve been slightly following this story about the cloning of a human, presumably in Europe. Now, I’m a pretty liberal guy and I have pretty libery ideals, but the idea of cloning human beings makes me sick. It’s coming to close to playing God for me. There are many whackos in the world who would like to play God, and this just gives them another tool to do so. And to name her Eve. What a crock of crap. I personally find the idea of cloning a human similar to purchasing a car just like your own at a junk yard so that you have spare parts. And that is just sick (the cloning, not the extra car). Maybe they see something beneficial that I don’t see, but right now I think human cloning is just wrong.

Earl and I are busying ourselves about the house today. Baking, exercising, cleaning. It’s an odd time of the year, since work is “stop and go, stop and go”… not very busy at all and with so many days off you can’t really keep track of what day it is. Not that I’m complaining or anything.

I worked on my clock system this afternoon and got the outdoor clocks working again. I haven’t mentioned this to Earl, but I’d like to get a miniature tower clock for the front yard, when the new landscaping goes in this spring, even if we have to have it custom made ourselves.

I am writing this entry on my Palm m515. Earl and…

I am writing this entry on my Palm m515. Earl and I went to Syracuse today to do some shopping and to meet my mom and sister for lunch, in celebration of my mom’s birthday yesterday. Anyways, we had a lovely lunch, and while we were out there, we decided to spend some Christmas gift certificates. We went to Shoppingtown Mall, where we each had a $25 gift certificate from my mom and her boyfriend. One of the stores there is a Media Play. What do you know, they had the Palm Portable Keyboard there for 1/2 price… marked down from $99.99 to $49.98. I was quite pleased, to say the least. So I used my gift certificate to offset the price of the keyboard even more, and here I am with one of these nifty keyboards now. I’m hoping by purchasing this keyboard I am going to be more inclined to write in my blog while we’re traveling about. I may even use it to write downstairs while watching television, rather than sitting up here in the computer room away from Earl. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to be write in my blogs more. Hopefully, you’ll see the results.

Our lunch together was at Applebee’s, and was quite enjoyable. We took our time and just laughed and laughed and laughed. And I ate pretty healthy as well, which is always a good thing.

Afterwards we all went over to Bed, Bath and Beyond and to Target. Earl and I picked up some new exercise stuff at Target. Like most of middle America, we are looking forward to getting back to our exercise routine with the coming of the New Year. One of my co-workers has been raving about these “push up bars”, so we are going to give them a whirl. I initially hope to do one hour of exercising a day, 7 days a week. I want to work up to 2 hours (one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening), but we’ll have to see if I stick to the first goal before looking to expand upon that.

I had forgotten what a Star Trek fan I am. Tonight…

I had forgotten what a Star Trek fan I am. Tonight Earl and I watched “ST: The Wrath of Khan” and “ST: The Search for Spock” back to back and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. ‘Khan’ is my favorite Star Trek movie and I’ve seen that tons of times, but I hadn’t seen Search for Spock in years and it was wonderful to see that as well. I look forward to getting more movies.

I better get to bed – busy day tomorrow.

Well this is distressing. I just typed a huge entr…

Well this is distressing. I just typed a huge entry in my blog and good old DirecPC decided to disconnect for a bit and good old M$ Internet Explorer decided to lose it. Gosh, I hate Microsoft. Gosh, I hate DirecPC. Isn’t that statement full of love and warmth for the holiday season. πŸ™‚

We had a wonderful trip to Philly – it was great to get together with everyone. We had lunch at Chick-Fil-A (of course) and then went to Earl’s dad’s for the annual party. It was festive and LOUD (lots of little kids) but a great time was had by all. We got home around midnight on Christmas Eve and did the smart thing and put the plow on the truck because…

… we got 30 inches of snow on Christmas Day. That’s right – 2 1/2 feet. The roads were barely plowed and my folks barely made it here – but everyone made it safely and a good time was had by all. It took my Dad 3 1/2 hours to make a 45 minute trip but that’s was o.k. Everyone was in the festive spirit.

Today Earl and I are celebrating our six year anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been six years! I look across the computer desk at him right now and I can’t believe how much in love I am with him. Words cannot express it. And they say these things don’t last. Well what do “they” know.

πŸ™‚

Here it is a couple of days before Christmas! The…

Here it is a couple of days before Christmas! The holiday season seems to be flying by so quickly this year. I think that’s in part because of the lateness of the Thanksgiving holiday. I also think that time is actually moving faster as well. It sure seems like it!

Last night we went to my Dad’s house for the annual family Christmas party. We had an absolutely wonderful time. Everyone was in very festive spirits and we saw a good number of my cousins and aunts and uncles – very nice. Earl and I and my sister Jennifer started a little bit of a tradition as well. We drink a bottle of wine before family gatherings. Probably not the best way to approach something but I guess it couldn’t hurt. πŸ™‚

Earl and I did grocery shopping today for the Christmas day celebration. We are heading down to Philly tomorrow afternoon and coming back late Christmas Eve, and then my family is coming, in shifts, on Christmas Day. I’m looking forward to it. I have to pretty much work a regular schedule outside of the holidays, but that’s o.k. It’ll be slow and I’ll be able to catch up on a lot of things that I haven’t had the opportunity to do.

I’m still using Linux on the old computer – in fact it’s going strong right now. Though I am using the latest version of Mandrake (9.0) running KDE. I’m finding it a little bit easier to use that RedHat – though I did enjoy RedHat’s Bluecurve interface. Mandrake gives you many more desktop choices (as far as which GUI to use) and I appreciate that. I’d like to slowly convert many of the computers at work over to Linux, but honestly, I don’t know if I see that happening or not. Perhaps. To be honest, I really like Corel Linux that came with “WordPerfect Office 2000 for Linux”, but I don’t know if it supports new hardware or not. I’d like to become very proficient in SQL so that I could do database administration. I think that’s my favorite aspect of computing.

My goatee has been bothering me. I’ve been growing it for two months now. I had initially started with a beard but then went down to the goatee when I decided I needed to keep shaving my head. It’s getting rather long but I feel like it’s very scraggly and I’m twiddling it constantly. That makes Earl crazy. So I may cut it off – I haven’t quite decided yet.

Earl’s been plugging along on his iMac and loving it. He’s becoming more proficient everyday with it. I’m glad that he’s enjoying it.

Well I smell supper cooking, I better go see if I can help out downstairs.

I am typing on Earl’s old Compaq Presario tonight….

I am typing on Earl’s old Compaq Presario tonight. You’ll never believe it, but I decided that it needs to run RedHat Linux 8.0. It’s kind of nice, because I have an extra machine at the moment and I can experiment with Linux again without disrupting my work on my regular computer. Pretty cool circumstances.

Earl and I went to Buffalo over the weekend. Well actually, on Friday night we went and saw “Star Trek:Nemesis”. If you’re a Trekker go see. If you’re wanting to see what Star Trek is all about, skip it and go rent another Star Trek movie on DVD. I love Star Trek and while I’m not a wild and crazy Trekker type, I do look forward to the new movies and such. I found this one boring and predictable, and it had quite a few plot holes. It’s not one that I want to see again.

On Saturday we drove through a snow storm and headed out to Buffalo. Every year we do Christmas shopping all in one day, away from our home turf. This year we decided on Buffalo. We hit the Walden Galleria and got 90% of our shopping done in just a couple of hours. We then checked into the hotel, and then headed out to the older McKinley Mall. When I was going to college back in the late 1980s at SUNY Fredonia, McKinley Mall was *the* shopping spot. It’s holding it’s own pretty well against Walden Galleria.

We then went crazy with TGIFridays – appetizers AND dessert, but who cares it’s the holidays. At least I stuck to the no dairy/no chemicals/no sugar thing pretty well. Except maybe for the apple crisp at the end. I had a wonderful grilled vegetables dish that I look forward to having again!

We decided to go out for a drink Saturday night… actually two drinks. I like that bar “Buddies”. It’s a crowd that Earl and I fit in with well.

Sunday we drove home, stopping in Rochester on the way to tidy up the shopping. We bought a Sony DV mini cam for the house – that’s the “house present” this year. It’s kind of cool – we can edit videos on both the PC and the iMac. I’ll have to share our creations as they get, well, created.

And then it was back to work today. I was in a funk again, but snapped out of it in the late afternoon. I really don’t know why. There’s stuff irritating me at work, but I don’t know why because it’s really business as usual. I don’t think it’s work that’s putting me in a funk so much as time tells me that it’s the holidays but I don’t honestly feel it. I’m hoping that it kicks in this week for me when I go and do Earl’s Christmas shopping. At least I’m keeping calm at work while still in the funk. I know tomorrow will be a better day.

I am so excited. Tonight I found out the somethin…

I am so excited. Tonight I found out the something that has had me wondering for years. Brett Somers is still alive. You remember Brett Somers. Once married to Jack Klugman, she’s probably remembered most from “Match Game”, upper row, center panelist. She, along with Charles Nelson Reilly, was on a “Game Show Reunion” version of Hollywood Squares this week. It was kind of cool, they had Peter Marshall hosting with Tom Bergeron in the center square. The Price is Right voice (Rob Roddy?) was doing the announcing, they had one of the lovely Price is Right models, and then your usual standards.. Wink Martindale, Bob Eubanks, Chuck Woolery… it was good fun. And it was great to see Brett Somers again. I had heard a couple of years ago that she lived in Upstate N.Y., and then I saw her on a rerun of Match Game ’90 on the Game Show Network where she looked very frail. Well tonight she still looks very frail but she still is chugging along. Good for you Brett!

Earl was in Buffalo last night getting acquainted with some of his new duties. Like this summer, he is working part time in Buffalo and part time in Utica again. It may become a permanent thing. I am very proud of him for his accomplishments. Ironically, we are going back to Buffalo this weekend for Christmas shopping and spending the night Saturday night. It should prove to be fun.

Tomorrow is the company Christmas party and retirement party for one of our employees. We have our Christmas party during the day… which is kind of convenient because then tomorrow night we can go see the new Star Trek movie.

I’ve been concentrating on my goals a little bit – let’s see how they pan out. I seem to be a little bit more calm at work.

I was frustrated last night because the clock system here at the house was going crazy. Come to find out, the underground wire between the house and the barn must be getting wet, because once I disconnected that circuit everything seemed fine. I am going to make some adjustments to it so that it doesn’t effect everything else when it shorts out. Let’s see if that helps it along!

I got antsy last night around 12:15 (mostly because Earl wasn’t home) and danced around the house like a maniac. It must have been good, because when I weighed myself this morning I was a very light 185 lbs. Very surprising! πŸ™‚

I had a very strange dream last night where I was actually talking with Sylvia Browne. Sylvia, if you’re reading this, please let me know if we did talk last night. πŸ™‚ It was an amazing conversation, but it had some ominous overtones to it and led into that recurring nightmare I had… but it didn’t feel as bad as it usually does. The nightmare I’m talking about is the one where Earl and I are approaching some sort of conscious decision to “cross over” because the world is coming to an end. Like we’re doing something for a “greater good” or to save others. I always get the sense that it is nuclear related somehow. Like we are giving up what we have to save others. I think the uneasiness in the world is spooking me a little bit. I’m trying to write down as many details as I can every morning to see if I can find a pattern.

I guess I could be thought of as weird because I really enjoy sleeping and dreaming. I feel so at ease in my dreams (most of the time) and feel like I can actually control what’s going on. I’ve read several books on dreaming and I’ve found every one of the fascinating. For example, when I dream of elementary school, I can usually wake up and find the clocks acting all screwy. It’s like my subconscious is saying “Hey – the clock system is messed up again” even though I’m asleep. It is so fascinating to me.

Well it’s getting late, I’m going to read a bit and call it a night.