Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

Earl is off to Jacksonville, Fla. for the Super Bowl (go Eagles!) and I’m at home working an on-call weekend. It’s going to be interesting. This is one of the few occasions that I thank the universe for the cell phone, as Earl and I can easily keep in touch while we’re so far apart.

I’m busying myself around the house as super geek, installing Solaris on our old computers in the basement so that we have a place to back up our files. I’m contemplating shaving my beard off, simply because I’m becoming a little bored with it. I might do an all popcorn and iced tea diet for the weekend. I’ll exercise a lot. And I’ll goof off on the internet half the time.

I don’t think I’ve spent an entire weekend alone since Earl and I started seeing each other. This is kind of weird. Oh well, chalk it up to another experience.

A co-worker is celebrating her birthday today. She is describing today as one of the worst days of her life, simply because it’s her birthday. I think she’s nervous as she approaches the big 3-0, turning 28 today. It’s kind of unfair that she has to work on her birthday (I believe people she get their birthday off), but two others in our five person team had the day off, so she couldn’t really take it off as well. She generously offered to take tomorrow off instead. But it still kind of sucks that she has to work on her birthday.

It’s funny, but as I look back I don’t think I would ever want to relive my 20s. Definitely not my early 20s. I didn’t feel like I fit in with the crowd, I didn’t really know who I was and I didn’t really relate well to others around me. Part of that is still true, I’m the first to admit that I hear a different drum beat than most.

With most gay men, it’s about youth, youth, youth. “I need to look young.” “I need to feel young.” “I need young guys to like me.” At 36, I don’t really feel that need. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that need, even when I was 22. I’ve always been young at heart, but I don’t feel the need to be perceived as younger than I actually am. I’m always looking for new experiences. That can sometimes be perceived as a ‘young’ thing, but I just see it as part of life’s evolution. In my eyes, when you stop experiencing, you stop living. Then you’re coasting, and that’s no fun.

I recently saw an early 50s something guy at the mall desperately trying to look younger. He had an open shirt revealing a shaved chest. His hair was dyed various shades of platinum and strategically placed to cover up bald spots. But his eyes didn’t lie. His eyes revealed his true age, framed in the wrinkles and such that one earns through the passage of time. There was really nothing wrong with the way he looked, but he gave off the vibe of being afraid of what lies ahead. He didn’t carry himself with the confidence one would expect. Like he was playing a character part and he didn’t know all the lines.

I wanted to tell him to just celebrate his life. Celebrate all the experiences that have brought him to where he is today. I’ve recently learned to do that myself… look forward, accept life as it comes at you, make adjustments and changes as necessary and have no regrets.

Even if it’s not your birthday, celebrate who you are today. You might like what you see.

After several nights of restlessness, I am pleased to say that I got a wonderful night’s sleep last night. For the first time in a couple of days, I feel quite rested. I was a little surprised to wake up this morning after a night of sound sleep for a couple of reasons. I’m on call this week, which sometimes can lead to interruptions from my pager in the middle of night and, Earl’s in town and sometimes he’s restless which makes me restless. Last night I suffered from neither and today my mood proves that fact.

I realized a little while ago that I’ve been humming to myself today. Not any specific tune, just a quiet little ditty to myself. “Hum hum hum.” When I left for lunch, I was singing, out loud “To lunch, to lunch…” to the tune of “Tonight” from West Side Story. I should have really shocked them and sang “I Feel Pretty”, but I didn’t want to press my luck.

I don’t know if its feeling well rested or watching American Idol that’s making me feel so musical today, but I’m not complaining. It’s another balmy (32 degrees) February day in Upstate N.Y., full of sunshine. I guess that sparks the song in my heart.

Today was an absolutely glorious day. Work went well, the sun was out bright and human beings seemed to have their shit together. Why is it that when everything is going well, I seemed to get extra pissed at the human condition?

Earl and I watched last night’s Airline via TiVo tonight. I like the show. But I find it so damn frustrating. Are people acting the way they’re acting simply because there’s a camera on them, or do they really act like that in real life? There was a woman who was absolutely put off because her flight to Las Vegas was cancelled and she was bumped to a later flight. She said, not once but twice, that it’s a good thing that she’s self employed because she doesn’t know how the middle class people could travel under such restrictive circumstances, with the meager one week a year of vacation that they get. “Let them eat cake.”

“Let her eat my boot.” As I began yelling and starting to throw things at our television, Earl had to remind me that it was just a television show. And while I’m on the subject of Airline, please keep in mind that getting sloshed to the gills is not how we fly anymore. No, no, no. The martini days are over, you now have to be sober to board an aircraft.

Driving back to work at lunch earlier today, I was absolutely amazed that people were driving 35 MPH on our local expressway, which has a speed limit of 65 MPH. The sun was out, the sky was clear, the roads were dry and there was light traffic. I know the expressway is new, and it did replace a two-lane road that had the same route number with a lower speed limit. Just because the speed limit on the Old Route 49 was 40 does not mean the speed limit on the New Route 49 is 40.

Then we have this ass who thinks that PBS is trying to make the world gay because the bunny rabbit in a cartoon has two mommies. So what’s the natural reaction? Cut all funding to PBS of course! Another asshat in Washington. Yes, Margaret Spellings, its folks like you that get me all fired up about politics. You’ve got your panties in a knot because there was a cartoon that promoted tolerance to children. Why let them love one another when they need to be brainwashed to dislike anyone that’s not of the same color, sexual orientation, religion and/or moral thinking. That idiot in Oklahoma was worried about rampant lesbians, apparently you’re worried about rampant lesbians in cartoons. Go find an iceberg to sit on.

And you know what I don’t get? These young people smoking. H E L L O. Clue phone. It does not make you attractive. It makes you stink to high heaven and our tax money is going to have to fund your medical bills because you’re in the poor house paying for your expensive habit that is killing you. I think that if you were born after 1970 and you smoke, you should be exempt from any medicaid or medicare benefits. Period. You want to kill yourself? Fine. Just don’t do it on my dime. “You don’t know what it’s like to be addicted.” You’re right, I’ve never smoked in my life. I’m too smart for that.

I know I sound excessively cranky, but really, I’m not. Not at all. I’m quite happy, calm and serene today. I am just constantly shocked at the unbridled idiocy that has gripped this country.

Ok, I’ll get off the soapbox and leave it for the other blog.

As I was walking in the house during lunch, I heard a familiar, comforting sound near the door. It was the sound of water dripping, the unmistakable symptom of melting snow.

Mother Nature is being kind to us this week!

It’s the first of February and it’s sunny and 35 degrees as I type this entry. I’m sure there’s more winter ahead of us, but it’s days like this that give me a touch of spring fever. Our trip to Florida in three weeks is going to reinforce that fever even more.

I’m ready to hit the road, top on the Jeep down, sun in my face, wind at our backs.

Earl asked me last night why I head home for lunch every day. After all, it’s a 10-15 minute drive each way and that can chew up almost half of my lunch hour.

So that got me pondering as to why I do head home for lunch. I guess because it breaks up the day. It divides the workday into two distinct halves. With it being winter and all, I’m not really excited about going for a walk or just sitting in the car and stealing someone’s internet to surf on my PowerBook, it’s just too damn cold to do that. I think once the sane weather returns, I will enjoy those activities again.

Coming home for lunch also keeps me grounded. I can pet the cat, check phone messages and the parade of ebay shipments and write in my blog in the comfort of our home. Now that life has settled down pretty well, with Earl and his promotion, my new job and everything, I can actually take the time to enjoy our home. It’s soothing to sit and relax without the distractions of the work environment. And I’m determined to not suffer from the burnout I had on my previous job.

So I guess that’s why I head home for lunch every day. So I can reset my psyche. It keeps me from crashing.

Ever since I’ve started writing in my blog back in 2000, I’ve occasionally written about searching for a simpler life. Less drama. More down to Earth. I think I’m succeeding in my quest.

Let me just say from the get go that though I feel I’m succeeding on what I envision, I can’t say that I’m anywhere closer to being down to Earth. It’s just not in my nature. And that’s o.k. I pride myself on the fact that I’m a dreamer. I believe in all sorts of supernatural, extraterrestrial and paranormal stuff. I guess I frequently dance on the “lunatic fringe”. But I accept that and I like it.

No, it’s the simpler approach to life that has me feeling quite content these days. For example, I enjoy cooking supper. I no longer have the need to have a waiter or waitress bring me my meal. I feel a certain sense of accomplishment by placing a well balanced, tasty bunch of goodness on the dinner table. I know, it’s very Samantha Stephens of me to feel this way, but there’s something to be said for shunning the jet set and living the comfortable life.

There’s a certain amount of delight for me going to work each and every day and contributing to the team that I work with. I no longer have to be in command to feel accomplishment. I enjoy being an equal with a great group of people. I no longer have to live up to the superficial nonsense of “ratings”, I just have to make sure customers are happy.

I enjoy cleaning the house. I never thought that I would say that, but again, it’s that accomplishment thing. Who knew that I would be happy being the naked maid?

I feel good about myself. I accept the fact that I’m never going to have the buff body of a 21 year old. Hell, I had a “pop gut” at age 7. But I get my fair share of looks, Earl seems quite content with what he sees and I’m happy with what I see in the mirror. As long as I stay on the path I’m on these days, I’m good. I think taking care of lingering health issues, like my nagging wisdom teeth and my plumbing problems, is helping me feel better about myself. It’s just easier to deal with the bad and getting it over with rather than worrying about it all the time. Perhaps typing that last statement gives me comfort. A positive reinforcement.

And finally, I can not believe that Earl and I have been together for almost nine years. We met nine years ago! In ways it seems like yesterday, in others it seems like a lifetime. It’s unbelievable. I know I gush like school boy who got lucky at the prom, but… Wow. It’s all so very incredible.

Yes, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Life is good. It’s wonderful to be relatively free of complaints. I look forward to tomorrow.

Earl and I made the trek to Buffalo yesterday to entertain one of his customers at a Buffalo Bandits LaCrosse game. We decided to make a day of it, leaving at noon and then heading to the largest mall in Buffalo, Walden Galleria.

With my interest in diners increasing, much to Earl’s delight, we started out with breakfast at a local diner that I have driven past for the 15 years. It’s simply called “Betty’s Diner”, and it’s a popular stop for locals and truck drivers alike. It’s a classic diner, in that it’s a pre-fabricated building from the 1950s, has a counter up one side and booths on the other side. Earl and I opted to eat at the counter and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast. I had french toast and bacon with a nice big glass of juice. There’s just something about diner food that fast food can not emulate. It has that certain homemade touch and taste to it that makes it feel familiar. The portions were not outrageously huge; they were typical of what you would make yourself at home. I liked that.

So then we hit the road and stopped in Rochester for lunch. Rochester is somewhat the technology hub of Upstate N.Y., with Xerox and Kodak, and many other high-tech industries maintaining shop in the area. Unfortunately I’m not as familiar with Rochester as I’d like to be, because it always seems like we’re passing through to go to another destination.

We found another diner that I had researched online. It’s called “Highland Park Diner” and is in what seems to be an artsy part of town. We’re going to be visiting this little gem again, and probably soon, as the food was outstanding (again, no outrageously sized portions), the atmosphere was pleasant and the location is just off the interstate. We did indulge a bit and added dessert to the fun. I had rhubarb and three berries pie.

Finally we were off to Buffalo and the Walden Galleria. Apple store time! We picked up iWork ’05 and iLife ’05 for our notebooks, and I picked up the Omniweb 5 web browser software as well. I’m a big fan of Safari, but I always like to try something different, so I’m giving Omniweb a whirl. So far, I like it a lot.

Being gay men, we lived up to a stereotype and bought new shoes at DSW. I needed something a little more sturdy for work. I’m big on workboots, but they don’t look that good with the khakis and other dress pants I wear at work, so I found a pair that feels like a workboot but looks a little more appropriate for work.

We then headed to HSBC arena, where we entertained and watched my first LaCrosse game. No offense to LaCrosse fans, but I can tell you that I’m not really that big a fan of the sport. They had music blaring during game play and the players beat each other with their sticks (which seems to be rather unsporting). At least in hockey they have to stay up on their skates. Oh well, at least I can chalk the game up to experience.

And the customer that joined us was very hot and had sent our gaydar off the scale.

On the way home, we stopped at the ever present Little Gem Diner in Syracuse for a 12:30 a.m. breakfast. We were both curious to see how busy the diner gets for the after bar crowd and it indeed gets very busy. Stuffed (with ham and cheese) French Toast and homefries. Outstanding. Not very healthy, but at 12:30 a.m., who’s eating healthy?

Today is ‘catch up day’ around the house, as the laundry pile is frightening the cat, the dishes in the dishwasher have begun to rattle themselves and there’s not a drop of milk or juice or a crumb of bread left in the kitchen. Time to move to huzbear mode.

I spent this evening doing a litle maintenance on the TiVo, adjusting our season passes and such. I kept the usual suspects on there, “Judging Amy”, “The West Wing”, “Medium” and “Desperate Housewives”. I like to have one show that records daily so that I have something to wind down with before leaping into the evening’s activities. Lately, I’ve been watching “Charmed”, but I’ve been through the entire syndication offering twice, it’s time to give it a rest and just stick to the new shows. Before “Charmed”, it was “Xena”. Unfortunately, Xena is nowhere to be found on DirecTV these days. I’ll have to get the DVDs.

I really wanted to start watching The Bionic Woman or The Six Million Dollar Man, but alas, they’re not on DirecTV these days either. I think I’m the only person in the world that found Steve Austin cute during his mustache days. His mustache is mentioned frequently on Jump The Shark, and never in a good way. It’s a shame, I thought it was quite handsome.

So after much thought and careful consideration, I’ve found something else for my daily viewing pleasure.

That’s right, I’m watching “Josie and the Pussycats” everyday after work now. You can not deny the fact that Josie and the Pussycats had the best theme song on Saturday mornings, with the original Scooby Doo theme song following a close second, of course. And even though Alexandra has a mean streak in her (not to mention her pre-punk skunk streak in her hair), you have to admit that she has some of the best lines of the series…

Valerie: “This is like a roller coaster ride!”

Alexandra (watching Josie cuddle up by Alan): “Yeah, and Josie’s the one getting all the thrills.”

Melody: “I just love cows!”

Alexandra: “So does Alan– especially red headed ones.”

Saucy! I’m surprised I haven’t seen more Alexandra wannabes at drag shows over the years. She’s an untapped treasure, tha Alexandra. And I must be getting lonely with Earl out of town, but I can’t help but notice that if you were to draw a beard on muscle hunk Alan , he’d be really groovy. You know, it’s pretty sad when you’re lusting after a guy generated by Hanna Barbera. And I’m not usually one to notice blonds. At least I’m not lusting after Jabberjaws.

I woke up this morning feeling a little down, mainly because Tom had spent the night at the vet, but also because work wasn’t up to my standards yesterday and I didn’t want to face the same thing today.

However, Earl made my day. (He always comes to my rescue!) I opened up my lunch and found this:

It’s the little things that make it all worth while. I love you sweetheart.