Why.

People! Listen up. Here’s a quick English lesson for you.

“I need to lose some weight so my pants will be loose.”

Lose is spelled with one “o”. “I’m going to lose my mind.”

Loose is spelled with two “o”‘s. “She’s pretty, but I hear she’s loose.”

Where in the world has the art of language gone? For the love of DIETY$, please get a grip on spelling.

It’s 6:16 a.m. and I’m already in the mood to go back to bed. I find getting back to work after a long weekend not easy. Truth be known, I find getting up before 10 a.m. not easy.

I’ve done my exercises. I’ve thrown my scale. I’ve carefully measured out one cup of Raisin Bran and a 1/2 a cup of fortified skim milk and crunched through that. Trying to spice up my mood, I lived on the edge and poured out 9 oz of orange juice instead of eight.

After spending the weekend doing things, moving around and doing what I want, when I want, where I want, I am in no mood to settle down behind a desk and take trouble calls like listening to Miss Priss complain that she can’t complete a call to her hairdresser. But that’s what I do.

Life?!? Where are you?

Driving home to work today, I noticed a traffic jam building ahead at a busy intersection. Thinking there was an accident, I rolled my eyes slightly at the thought of all the clueless drivers who had to slow down to see if there was a disembodied head or something. But I was wrong. They were all trying to get into the gas station that still offered gas at the staggering low price of $2.99 a gallon.

This busy intersection has three gas stations strategically placed. One of the gas stations is a full service deal, complete with car wash. They’re gas was $2.99 a gallon. The second is a recent addition to the existing dairy/convenience store that has stood there for years. They’re gas was $2.99 a gallon.

The third gas station is another matter.

When I first moved here it was your standard Mobil Convenience Mart type setup. They had the cheapest gas in town and I loved them. But then Mobil decided to move out of the area for the most part and sold all the area stations to this blasted convenience store called, well, it’s really close to rhyming with “Asshat”. If you thought FAST, you would be on the right TRAC. Said gas station franchise has sprung up like a red and black zit throughout Upstate N.Y., complete with a cheap swill for gasoline.

They have the nerve to be charging, get this, $3.29 a gallon. That would be Three Dollars and twenty-nine cents a gallon for the low grade, make your engine knock cocktail.

The bastards.

I was quite pleased to see that the local residents have come to their senses and are ignoring that station (for the most part) and forming gas lines for the other two that offering a better product for a lower price. “Asshat” has gone out of its way to keep prices high in this area. Since they have the most locations around here, they think they set a trend. But even if the others buck the trend for only 12 or 18 hours, I’m still pleased. It’s putting them in their place.

When I left for work this morning gas was $2.63 a gallon. The same gas station jacks the price to $3.29 a gallon within 10 hours? Ludicrous.

I realize that there are issues affecting gasoline supply and whatnot. But this really borders on price gouging.

I’m riding my bike to work on Friday to protest.

Earl and I have a four-foot above ground pool in the backyard. It was one of the items that attracted to us to the house back in December 2003, because after all, anyone who is anyone swims in December in Upstate New York.

What fools are we.

As I sit in the kitchen today and look out at the pool, I note that it is a lovely emerald green. It doesn’t quite match the grass in hue, but it’s working on it. I wonder if it’ll change color with the leaves.

Actually, it’s not like we’re harboring a swamp back there. The pool water is clear, but the sides and the bottom of the pool are green. It began its journey to green during our trip to Indianapolis a week or two ago, after being filled with beautifully clear, chlorinated goodness for three quarters of the summer. I hate to admit this, but I’m thinking of stopping at Wal*Mart (Always White Trash, Always) to see if they have any pool supplies left amongst the Halloween candy, winter coats and Christmas lights they are currently featuring. I’ll probably end up at the pool supply store, which features wood stoves as well. Maybe I can fill the pool with wood fire pellets.

A couple of days ago I entertained the idea of dumping all the household Chlorox into the pool and seeing what kind of stew that would make, but then I heard someone say on the radio “Do you do your laundry in the pool?” Now that’s silly. I don’t even wear any clothes in the pool, why would I wash them there?

Every time I start going through my entertainment bookmarks and come across the “Judging Amy” message board, I get fired up about CBS’ cancellation of the series. So I fired off another letter to the company again today.

I’ve written several times regarding the cancellation of “Judging Amy” and I haven’t heard any sort of response. Not even an automated response to let me know that someone, somewhere in your organization has at least acknowledged the fact that A LOT of viewers are writing regarding the cancellation of “Judging Amy”.

I actively maintain a blog. I’ve posted a copy of my letter than I mailed to your company on my blog. I have received more comments on that letter than any other blog entry I’ve made since 2000. There is a huge population out there that is very disappointed in the cancellation of “Judging Amy”. And yet, you do not respond to any e-mails, written mail or other correspondence. Is this how you truly feel about your audience, that you don’t really care about their opinions?

Are there any plans to do a two-hour “wrap-up” movie? Even NBC is giving American Dreams the same dignity and that show was only on for three years. Are there plans to bring back “Judging Amy” in the fall?

I would appreciate some sort of response! I feel that you have made a terrible mistake with this decision. Unfortunately I no longer have anything to watch on Tuesday nights at 10 p.m.

Follow this link and click ‘Feedback’ at the bottom if you’re interested in dropping your own comment.

I know it’s just a television show. But, damn it, it was an intelligent television show with very good writing, very good acting and solid ratings. It was the one show on CBS that I still enjoyed. It comes to close to being the one show left on network television I still enjoyed. The cancellation of this show defies logic. Unbelievable.

What amazes me most is that I didn’t get this fired up about the cancellation of Wonder Woman back in ’79!

What a bunch of fscking savages. Somewhere near Richmond, Va. a local school was selling their old Apple iBooks for $50 a piece. The premise was simple, beginning at 7 a.m. today, you arrived, gave the school your $50 and they gave you a four-year old iBook.

It turned into a fiasco. People running, stampeding, biting, knocking others over; one man was even clocking people over the head with a folding chair. I’d hate to see what they’d act like if there was a shortage of food, water or fuel!

Click here for the story and photos.

Earl and I watched the latest episode of “Airline” tonight courtesy of our TiVo. While I’m sure the show is designed to entertain, after all, that’s what television is suppose to do for the most part, I found the whole program depressing.

First of all, we have this See You Next Tuesday named Darlene who is dropping more f-bombs than a shipload of Marines because she was pulled off a flight for being too drunk. She is an embarassment to the human race and quite frankly we’d be better off without her. She said she was from Boston. If anyone from Boston acted like that they’d be slapped silly by some pretentious New Englander so I don’t know what the heck she was talking about. She made my head hurt.

Second up we have Mr. Clueless and his girlfriend, Miss NotAClue who are pissed because the 4:40 flight left at 4:40 and they missed it because they got there at 4:43. If the flight leaves at 4:40, it’s going to leave at 4:40, you bunch of nimrods. So don’t go having some ridiculous hissy fit because you didn’t answer the cluephone, didn’t respond to your pages and you’re mad because your big fat ass isn’t on the airplane you just missed. O.k., now I’m getting into a tirade here.

And last but not least, we have the dental student missionaries who go to Mexico to help the children down there with bad teeth. Truth be known, they’re FIRST YEAR dental students who are PRACTICING on these poor helpless children that they’ve grabbed out of this poor village. And they’re also Christian Missionaries (one student said, “the pain is temporary, but the feeling of Christ is permanent” as they yanked the molar out of a seven year old that was screaming in fear), which really twists my knob to high. I’m reminded of when Earl and I visited Tumacacori south of Tuscon where they showed evidence of the missionaries way back when telling the locals (Indians?) they were going to hell for not believing as they did. “Forget everything you believe, you lost people. Forget the Earth! Forget the Moon! Forget the Sun! It’s our way or fire and brimstone for you all, you savages!!” Such loving people, those missionaries. Always quick to embrace the differences in us all.

To be honest, I have found “Airline” to be quite annoying this year; ever since they changed the theme from a spunky version of “Leaving On A Jet Plane” to some alternative/head banging thing about being 37,000 feet up in the air. Like all media, they’re going out of their way to find the most annoying, pathetic, stupid people to showcase on their show. What happened to the passenger that threw the grandmother out of the wheelchair last year? Or the kid that had an allergic fit because someone left three milligrams of peanut dust on the 737 he was boarding. He swelled up bigger that Mr. Peanut. Now that was good television. I don’t want to watch some hayna fresh from the Hayna Hut acting like a waste of a good human soul make an asshat of themselves on television.

Click! Good-bye Airline, you’ve been dismissed.

It was on July 1 that I mentioned that I had a song stuck in my head. Well, as they say, patience is a virtue because I heard the song on the radio over the weekend and it allowed me to get more of the lyrics. Whereas I thought the song went “Raise A Little Glass”, it was actually “Grazin’ in the grass, it’s a gas, baby can you dig it.”

Shakespeare, it’s not.

“Grazin’ In The Grass” by The Friends of Distinction, it is.

Thank the universe that I am now able to download this song on iTunes.

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Earl and I spent the weekend in beautiful Buffalo hanging out with some bear friends. We went out for some fabulous barbecue with our friends Steve and Tim and I wish I could remember the name of the restaurant we went to!* The food was awesome and the company was great. Afterwards we went to Buddies for bear night. It’s always good to be with like-minded guys. It was “sports night” and while a bunch of guys were wearing football jerseys, baseball uniforms and the like (and looking very hot), I went in my cycling outfit minus the helmet. I won a prize for “best costume”. Yay!

Today we went to a pool party with a bunch of friends before taking the Thruway for the trek home. We didn’t let the misty weather and cool temperatures cloud the festivities and we spent the afternoon eating, swimming, hanging out in a hot tub and doin’ some grab ass-ing.

It’ll be an extra little perk going to work tomorrow with a smile on my face. Gosh I love the weekend.

*08/15 @ 10:41 p.m., Earl just yelled out “It was Fat Bob’s!” Now I remember the name of the restaurant! Go to Fat Bob’s in Buffalo – fabulous food.

It’s another hot and humid summer night in beautiful Upstate N.Y. I can’t seem to remember the last time it was so hot for so long around here. Of course, we’re waiting until fall to buy the central air conditioning for the house (Caution! Saving Money currently in progress!), so next summer it’ll be damp and cool I’m sure.

I think Tom has the right idea – lie on your back, paws in the air, fur fluffed and everything hanging out in front of the fan. I think I’ll try the same.

I know that it’s incredibly un-PC for me to say what I’m about to say but I don’t care, I’m going to say it anyway.

If people move to the United States, they should learn English. At least enough to get by.

I’m offended by this trend to bilingually label everything. Sears has all their department signage in both English and Spanish. Lowe’s does the same. Eckerd’s electronic signature pad devices are bilingual. Why? And why Spanish? We’re 100 miles or so from the Canadian border! If you’re going to bilingually label everything, shouldn’t it be in French? I don’t want to see a sign that says “Women’s Personal Items” in English, let allow Spanish as well.

There’s a chain grocery store here that does their announcements in English, then Spanish, then Bosnian (this area has a large Bosnian population). There’s hardly any time left for Muzak. But what about Polish? Or Italian? Or Cantonese? Or Chinese? The Chinese take-out place I go to doesn’t have a problem with me saying “Number 69 with pork fried rice instead of shrimp fried rice” in English. Sure, their menu has odd phrases like “We Delivery!” or “No Accept Check”, but at least they’re making an effort.

Yes, the United States is a great melting pot. But “back in the day”, those that migrated to our shores looking for a better life made an effort to speak our language. Sure, it’s heavily accented. Yes, they still speak their native tongue amongst one another. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when they went to the A&P or whatever, they knew enough English to understand when Mr. Whipple said “Don’t squeeze the Charmin.”

I’m not looking for conformity. I don’t expect everyone to be a happy Republican and speaking like Thurston Howell III. I don’t expect that. I just think that if you’re moving to the United States, you should make an attempt to learn the language.

Now mind you, I don’t have a problem with these phone systems that prompt foreign language speakers to select a menu entry to jump into their own language. Computer systems allow us the luxury of being able to do that, and that’s wonderful. Sure, I have to tolerate a menu fit for the United Nations simply when I want to let Verizon know how much they suck, but as long as I don’t have to hear the entire conversation bilingually, I’ll give into to that.

I think I’m getting cranky as I get older.