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I’ve been sick the past two days. Nothing major, mind you, but enough to make life a little intolerable. Major sniffles. Stuffiness. Fever. Achy.

The paranoid in me instantly thought it was something drastic like my sister had, but I think it’s turned out to be only a 48 hour bug or something. I wish my sister had it so easy.

Earl has been an absolute gem with his chicken soup service and making sure I was tucked in nicely when I hit the hay at 6 p.m. And the folks at work have sort of nursed me along as well. They’re good people.

It’s nice to be surrounded with kindness when you’re a little under the weather.

The beautiful weather today kicked my Earth connection into high gear or something. I’m still Mr. Domestic, cleaning and whatnot around the house. And now I’m working on my green thumb.

I haven’t had much of a green thumb over the years. This past summer’s vegetable garden showed much promise. The previous owners of the house had evidence of a beautiful garden when we moved in last year. A neat, organized fenced in area that was nothing short of a starter kit for me to continue the tradition. So, always one to take a cue and run with it, I completely ripped everything out and reclaimed the lawn and grew bucket tomatoes again. I’ve never had any luck with a garden but I can handle bucket tomatoes. Five gallon pail, lots of dirt, a few plants and we’re on our way to Italian sauce baby. The tomatoes came out pretty well, and I actually grew enough tomatoes to garnish not one but two salads this year!

So of course I decided that our house needs to be filled with plants. I went to Lowe’s, worked my way around the Christmas decorations (grrrrrrr) and found the plant section, with some beautiful plants that showed lots of promise. Since sunlight can be a premium during the winter months here in Upstate N.Y., I also bought a tall lamp with a “Grow Bulb” so that I can provide some artificial sunlight. I set up the indoor garden in the formal living room. Earl was so impressed, he asked that I do the same in the Great Room. So now I have a little project for the winter. Keep the plants alive!

I also did a tad bit of photography today. You can take a peek at my .Mac site. I had to give the Mac stuff a whirl, and let me tell you, it was a SNAP. Watch for more pictures soon.

It’s been a while since I’ve indulged in my vanity and posted pictures of myself. Here I am ready to hit the road last weekend…

And, Earl recently bought me a pair of Joe Boxer camo underwear. I thought I’d show them off. Enjoy!

The final sign of the impending apocolypse showed itself today in one of my famous epiphanies. Yes, yes, yes, Florida is slowly getting wiped out by hurricanes. California is shaking from earthquakes. Mount St. Helens is ready to blow her top again. Bush Lite is ahead in some polls.

Do I consider these signs of an impending apocolypse? Possibly. But the real sign?

I’ve turned into the Happy Homemaker.

I now officially enjoy cooking dinner, folding laundry, sweeping the floor, cleaning out the cat box and kicking my back foot up in the air when Earl kisses me on the cheek after a hard day at the office. A year ago I relished the chaos, fast food and dust bunnies surrounding my life.

Today I reheated a casserole for my sister. I think I even said ‘casserole’ with a Wisconsin accent and then asked for a recipe.

Hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

If you’re not a geek, you may find this entry boring. Tough.

I’m a man on a mission. It’s a totally hedonistic mission, but nevertheless, it’s a mission.

Earl and I subscribed to DirecTV in late August after becoming increasingly bored with our cable service. For those not familiar with DirecTV, it’s television programming provided via satellite rather than cable or good ol’ “rabbit ears”. Through the always questionable wisdom of our federal government, Earl and I can not receive network channels (ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox) via DirecTV because we can allegedly receive the signal over the air. Apparently they want us to watch local commercials. Granted, it’s ‘vo-tech television’ at its best with no high-definition nor digital signal, the production is crappy, the picture is full of snow and the newscasters are somewhat stumbling fools from time to time, but nevertheless, if we can make out their alarmingly large foreheads amongst the static on the screen, then we don’t qualify for the feed from DirecTV. One can apply for a ‘waiver’ from the local station which grants us the permission to see the network feeds from N.Y. and LA, which the local CBS (WTVH – a great station that I grew up with)affiliate promptly did. So now we have CBS in glorious high definition and we are loving every minute of it.

But then WKTV, the local NBC affiliate, denied us the same privilege, even though NBC is available in high-definition over DirecTV and NOT via the local channel. I guess they think they can force us to watch their crappy commercials. But I refuse to put up an antenna on the roof and I refuse to install rabbit ears on our television. I won’t even wrap a coat hanger in tin foil and hide it behind the entertainment center. So we’re not watching any NBC shows at all. Which is probably a good thing now that I think about it. I wrote a somewhat nasty note to the station manager regarding our dilemna and copied the NBC national office, but I doubt it will get results. What I’m really surprised about is that I’m actually putting in all this effort to watch “Will and Grace” and “The West Wing” in their very apparent declining years. Nevertheless, it’s a challenge and I enjoy hounding people that think they hold power over me. I like to see them break I guess. Maybe I just like getting my way. Wow, maybe I do need to spend some time in therapy to discuss that little nugget.

The jury is still out on the local ABC and Fox stations, which are both owned by the same company. They stopped broadcasting digitally and high-def because apparently it wasn’t catching on, what with it being the digital age and all. But I wrote them a nice letter and hope to hear a nice response. If not, they shall feel my wrath.

To some this may sound crazy, but since I’ve changed jobs in the past month, I’ve felt much more “in tune” with my instinct. I like to think that I’m becoming psychic and I will soon be joining the ranks of Sylvia Browne and John Edward or, at the very least, make a killing with some poor, unsuspecting fools at the State Fair next year, but whatever the reason, I seem to be more sensitive to others feelings and little ‘hints’ from the universe.

Now if I would learn to read the signs better! Last night, Earl and I went to local Casino to drop off a chunk of change under the guise of entertainment. I really like going to the casino as I get caught up in all the fun and excitement… bells and chimes on fake-slot machines*, the spinning roulette tables, the visitors from New Jersey (why don’t they stay in Atlantic City) and of course the promise of walking out at the end of the night fanning myself with my millions.

I approached the evening with a new strategy. An avid roulette player, I usually go to the $10 table and plop my chips down on my usual numbers… my birthday, Earl’s birthday, our anniversary (obvious reasons), Earl’s mother Claire’s birthday (she’s passed on and she must be smiling on us as her numbers always win), and my mother’s birthday (I feel guilty if I don’t use her birthday). Last night I did it differently, putting a chip each on Claire’s birthday and then basically tossing the remaining chips on the board and letting them land where they land. Twenty minutes later, I was near broke. I started to feel a faint, warm, nervous feeling in my gut, so I tried to listen to whatever the universe was trying to tell me and did something different. For the last spin, I put three chips on Claire’s birthday and then tossed the remaining chips. Claire’s number hit. Up $105. Yay! Knowing a good thing, I cashed in and moved on.

Which brought me to the money wheel. Again, I played around with my $1 chips and built up my winning $20 or so. When I play the money wheel, I always play $2 per spin – one on the $1 (since it’s a 50-50 shot that’s going to win) and the $1 on something else, usually $20 but once in a while the joker. Then the I started feeling the nervous feeling in my gut again, the same psychic, instinctive “knowing” I had felt at the roulette table. So I took a chance again, and placed the $100 chip I had won on the $1 bill. After all, it was a 50-50 chance that $1 would hit and I could easily double my $100. Everyone else at the table gasped at my balls. That was a nice feeling.

The $1 hit and I doubled my $100. I was on a winning streak. I still felt my instincts, though the feeling was not as strong. I decided to leave the $200 on the table and hit the $1 again. After all, the universe helped me before. It worked the past two times. The feeling, though not as strong this time, was there. The dealer spun the wheel and landed on $1, then plopped over to $2, ever so slowly.

The psychic feeling, which I now recognize as just ‘subsiding’ or “no no no no no”, turned to a ‘sick feeling’. I blew $200 in one spin. Another gasp at the table, this was had a “you asshole” tone to it.

I walked away with $15.

Figuring I couldn’t be smacked by the fates again, I headed for a roulette table. I put the whole $15 (whoo – big spender) on 17, even though my head SCREAMED “double zero, double zero, double zero, double zero, double zero”. But Mr. Logic jumped in and said “Please note that this dealer hasn’t spun a double zero all night. There is no double zero on the results board.” Mr. Psychic continued to scream “double zero, double zero, double zero, double zero”. I went with “17”.

Double Zero came up. At least Mr. Psychic didn’t say “told you so”.

I walked out of the casino empty handed. Luckily Earl did very well and won back what I lost.

So tonight, when the moon is out, I’m going to do a meditation and ask for a little clarification on this newfound psychic / instinct thing I’ve got going on.

* Our local casino’s fake slot machines don’t use real coins. When the casino was built (the first in New York State), slot machines were illegal. They use ATM style cards that you put money on with a cashier in the casino. There’s no lever to pull and it’s all electronic. No mechanical wheels spinning. All video terminals. It’s all I used to play. I even hit the jackpot once. But being the geek that I am, I know how easily they can be manipulated and I lost easily on those.

After taking an unexpected week off from work last week, I’ve been slowly getting my feet back under me at my new job. I was going along great guns for the three and a half weeks before my sister’s hospital stay, but because I’m still very new at my job, it took me a little while on Monday to remember how to perform some of my new responsibilities.

Nevertheless, I’ve been slowly getting back into the swing of things and I’m starting to feel productive again. It hit me yesterday afternoon what part of the problem is. (I like to think of these realizations as mini-epiphanies, but Earl thinks I’m being overly dramatic, which I probably am). I’m worrying about what people think of me again. Granted, I should keep in mind what my supervisor thinks of my job performance, especially with his being in charge of the group and all, but I was starting to feel self conscious about asking too many questions, appearing too stupid for the position, yada yada yada. I was beginning every question with “I’m sorry to have to ask this, but…” But then I realized, I’m new at the job! If they didn’t feel that I could do the job, they wouldn’t have hired me. If they didn’t feel that I was going to make it, they wouldn’t have offered me an advance of my benefit time (which I’m not eligible for until November) to cover last week’s absence!

So this morning I went in with a little more confidence. I’m confident that I’m going to learn all the nuances of my new position. I’m confident that I am going to be a productive member of the group. I’m confident that my stay with the company is going to be a long, happy one. You know what? It made my day that much better. I feel like I learned more. I feel like I contributed more. I felt more productive.

There’s one more thing I’m confident about. I’ll probably blab about this in my blog sometime in the future.

My sister was released from the hospital today and is resting comfortably at home. She’s on four different types of medicine, including antibiotics, something for her blood and something else equally pharmacutical. She seems to be doing well, but she’s going to be off her feet for a while. Thank you for all the kind words.

One more thing – for those that use RSS (Really Simple Syndication) and it’s derivitives, you can subscribe to my blog at http://www.jpnearl.com/atom.xml or click the link at the bottom of the page.

As I glance back through old blog entries from time to time, I noticed I have one common theme. I’m constantly trying to improve myself. It’s not that I’m unhappy with myself, because if I do say so, I’m pretty hot shit. Since I’m constantly talking to myself, I know that I enjoy my company. Since I’m so vain, I know that I’m pretty fierce looking. (Wait until you see my new trim goatee).

No, self-appreciation is not an issue. It’s just that I think I can do better. I’m always reaching higher and higher on the Christmas Tree for the better goodie. I want to be smarter. I want to experience everything the world has to offer. I want to be a good citizen. I want to contribute to society more. I just feel like I can do more, see more and BE more.

I occasionally watch “Absolutely Fabulous” on BBC America. Edina is constantly trying to better herself, albeit in very odd fashion, but nevertheless, she is always on a path of self improvement. I kind of like that. I don’t know if one can admire a drug-taking, booze-indulging television character that’s a pure work of fiction, but I kind of like what she has going on in that she’s always trying to go for better. Sure, her path has numerous detours (the show wouldn’t be funny if it didn’t), but at least she’s trying.

My sister’s recent brush with death was sort of a wake up call for me. Am I meant to be the technology professional I am? Should I be in health care? Am I really helping others? Am I a good person? Am I a good brother or son?

I guess the answer is yes. Everyone has a purpose in life. Even evil, dark, negative people have a purpose in life, so that others can learn from experiencing interaction with them.

I’ve decided that my purpose is to be the most positive, uplifting, “good guy” person that I can be, regardless of what I’m doing or where I’m doing it. That’s what I should strive for. Sure, life throws everyone curve balls, but it doesn’t mean that you need to throw the bat on the ground, stomp off the field and crawl into bed with the blankets over your head. And it doesn’t mean that you spit in the other team’s face.

I guess I have to remember all this once in a while. After all, life is just a work in progress. If the project was done, you’d be dead.

I have to get something off my chest. I’ve become addicted to the television show “Charmed”. I know it’s the Bewitched nut in me getting all mixed up with my Xena obsession, but I’m really grooving on “Charmed”. The whole mystical/wicca/supernatural realm is just my thing. I just wish it would come out on DVD so I could catch up with it faster! At least we have TiVo!

My sister is doing very well and could be released from the hospital as early as Thursday. She’s got a long road of recovery ahead of her… but at least she has the chance for recovery.

“You should be in heaven right now. It’s a miracle that you’re alive.”

Those are the words that my sister heard this morning, as she sat up in the reclining chair that had replaced her hospital bed, listening to her doctor give his latest assessment. An hour or two before, the ventilator and feeding tube that she had depended on for the last nine days had been removed. Nine days ago, my sister’s oxygen saturation level had dipped as low as the high 30s. Her temperature was over 104. Her blood pressure was 78/44. Her heartrate hovered around 120. However, for the first time in over a week, my sister was able to speak today. Her vital signs were near normal. The two blood clots that had formed in her right arm (near former IV sites) had all but disappeared. Though quite tired, my sister enjoyed the afternoon reclining in her lounge chair, surrounded by family, watching the NASCAR race, one of her biggest passions.

Afterwards, she bid a fond farewell to the nursing staff in ICU. All these people knew her quite well. Unfortunately, the sedatives and paralitics she was on didn’t allow her the same luxury of vice-versa. She was moved out of Intensive Care and into a regular hospital room. A little more recovery and some observation. She may be out of the hospital by the end of the week.

She’s still a little short of breath. She’s quite weak. She doesn’t have much of an appetite. But my sister was presented with the challenge of “Legionnaire’s Pneumonia”. And my sister won.

Miracles.