The ever growing number of ads in my Instagram experience have been depressing me. The depression comes from this ad laden world we live in, but the content of the ads was bringing me down as well.
As I scrolled through lots of airplane, cat, and smiling faces photos, I was constantly being asked if my dopamine levels were off, or if my ADHD symptoms were getting the best of me, or if I was feeling down and depressed. Of course, the ads were geared so I would download an app that would be a cure all, subscribe to a trial plan, and then probably get hit with a whopper of a bill in a few weeks or months. Said subscription would be harder to cancel than a Sirius/XM radio subscription and if I went through that rigamarole I’d probably be more depressed than when I started the app to begin with. So I did the sensible thing and closed Instagram and threw my iPhone across the room like Joan Crawford did in a movie. I think she threw the lamp. Who knows, maybe I made that part up.
I actually made the “throwing the iPhone” part of this story up because I often fantasize about doing just that. I don’t particularly enjoy that smartphones have become a necessary part of life. I would like them to remain somewhere in the complementary category. These days you can’t even park your car at a parking meter downtown without your phone and an app. That’s a whole separate blog entry that I should write someday. I’m not noting this down on my iPhone because it’s in the other room. Intact.
When I start to feel this way I go back and find random blog entries from the past 23+ years of this bloggy thing and look to see how I felt at a certain time in my life. Knowing the past helps me shape my present and plan for my future. I typed a random date and was led to this blog entry.
The Universe speaks once again.
Here’s the text of that original blog entry. Reviewing it has made me feel a bit better this morning. Instagram remains closed.
Spiritual (30 July 2012)
I think I had a spiritual moment whilst standing on the Golden Gate Bridge this past week. It was a glowing happiness that washed over me as I stood there, enjoying the sun and the breezes and the water below. Perhaps it was relatives that have passed on stopping by to enjoy the view with me. Maybe it was the gentle smile from the clergy-like attired man that was there to speak with those that thought about having their last spiritual moment on the bridge. Whatever it was, I felt calm, at peace, recharged and ready to take on the future head-on after a few moments of standing there.
When I returned to the observation area, the man that knows me better than any other person on this world sensed that “something” had happened on the bridge for me. I couldn’t put it in words for him so I didn’t try. I know I felt more relaxed than I have in a couple of years. The feeling carries on.
This weekend a friend asked if I am a spiritual person. The emphasis of the question was on the word ‘spiritual’ versus ‘religious’. I’m definitely not a religious person; I think the vast majority of organized religions have taken the a beautiful intent and perverted into a diatribe of hate, a conversation of a fear and an intent of pure profit. But spirituality is something completely different for me. Spirituality is found when the heart connects with everything that surrounds it. I seek beauty everywhere I look. I fully believe that this life, right now, is just one chapter of a multi-faceted journey and I fully believe that we have kindred spirits that we have known before, we know now and we will know again. I have met people where there was just a resounding ‘click’. When I meet someone for the first time and I feel that ‘click’, I attribute it to some sort of connection and start talking with them like I’ve known them before. I figure we had a conversation in a previous life or something, so we might as well just continue on together. I know, it sounds very Shirley MacLaine. I’m okay with that (though I wasn’t completely okay with her portrayal of Endora).
I know a lot of gay men that are atheists. I know many that have found a path similar to mine; finding spirituality via the Universe instead of relying on the writings of man. Each of us have our own path and I’m fine with that. I’m not going to try to change your mind and I thank you for not trying to change mine. We have our beliefs and I don’t think that it all comes down a binary answer.
I believe that we can do wondrous things for the world if we just open our hearts and minds. Standing on the Golden Gate Bridge opened up my heart and mind a little more. My goal is to maintain that openness and do what I can to make the world a better place. So yes, I am a very spiritual person and I am happy that I have found that again.
