Dear Dunkin Donuts in the J-town,

Since March of this year you have been a part of my daily routine. In the early days of this J-town experience I would go to the World’s Best Subway(TM) for a predictable meal but that grew somewhat expensive so I decided to start packing a lunch for the days I worked in your fair city. I decided to visit your establishment on a daily basis to pick up a large unsweetened iced tea with lemon. On days when I was in a particularly madcap mood, I would also order a chocolate chip cookie. A few weeks ago there was a misstep that shook me to my very core, as you gave me a toasted bagel with some offensive pink goo instead of my madcap chocolate cookie, but aside from one nasty run in with some sweetened coffee concoction, you have been right there for me with my large, unsweetened iced tea with lemon.

Yesterday, in celebration of the unseasonably warm temperatures, I decided to park the car and walk inside your establishment to purchase my iced tea. The plan to walk would be the extent of my frivolity, but I was planning to tell you to keep the change as I completed my purchase. This would have been a 10% tip for you.

I waited at your counter, lamented to my next madcap mood when I gazed over the chocolate chip cookies and then discovered there was one important element missing from the service with a smile.

It was the person that was suppose to wait on me at the counter.

Now there were four suspects milling about the food preparation area. One was yelling into her headset. Presumably she was speaking to someone that couldn’t comprehend that you do not sell Whoppers at Dunkin’ Donuts because she kept yelling “That’s at BURGER KING!!!”. One was shuffling muffins around but two young ladies were chatting and texting, even though they were wearing their uniforms.

I waited for four minutes.

As the clock, which looks quite industrial and is made by the Chaney Instruments company, by the way, clicked to the fourth minute, I made an abrupt 180-degree turn and left your establishment. I made my way across the road to the Rock ‘n Roll themed McDonalds where apparently all the men are required to wear Elvis sideburns and ordered a large iced tea from there, which saved me $1.00 and was served to me faster than you can say “two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun”. There was smiling, there were sideburns and there were no cell phones. Customer nirvana.

I decided to give you one more chance today and feeling particularly adventurous, I was going to go for the gusto and order a brownie with the daily iced tea.

Again, disinterest of the customer that was standing at the counter waiting was a recurring theme. I waited five minutes, per the Chaney Instruments clock you have, and again, I made a 180-degree turn and left and went to the McDonalds, where today’s theme was apparently ZZ Top beards and indulged in my adventurous mood by adding a plain hamburger to my order of a large, unsweetened iced tea with lemon.

There were plenty of smiles, a hearty thank you and I deposited my change in the Ronald McDonald Home fund.

I am sorry, dear Dunkin Donuts of the J-town, but I am breaking up with you. Your disinterest reminds me of the feelings I had for my girlfriend in the latter half of my senior year of high school and quite frankly, I know that means no one is going to get any.