April 7, 2006

Did anyone catch American Idol this week? It was country night and the chosen superstar to guide our favorite musicians of the moment was Kenny Rogers. So they ushered Kenny Rogers on the screen. Now mind you, I was watching this from across the gym while burning off hundreds of calories on the spazzmaker machine. So I didn’t get a super close, clear view of the man that walked on to the set. I heard in my headphones that it was Kenny Rogers.

But who the hell was that man?

Now Kenny has admitted to having some plastic surgery in the past. Well apparently he’s having it in the present too because you could bounce a quarter off his face it was so tight. I’m surprised that they didn’t introduce the very vital assistant to Kenny who’s sole job is to mist his eyes with water from time to time, since it’s very obvious that Kenny no longer has the ability to close his eyes or even blink. His face was pulled so tight I thought it was going to jump right off his head and snap like a broken rubberband.

I know people that have had a little plastic surgery. Correct a nasal problem here, get rid of a sixth finger there and while you’re at it, round off the ears a little bit. And I don’t even have a problem with corrective surgery or even something trivial like breast enhancements on women (and yes, I’ve seen them on men) as long as it looks reasonably natural and it doesn’t look like they’re carrying two elementary school sized children on their chest. But the way these celebrities are pulling and stretching and pleading with God to give them just 15 minutes more of fame is getting a bit of ridiculous.

I mean, look at Joan Rivers. If you can. I can’t. My God, she looks like a Barbie doll from the 60s that was left on a heating radiator for too long. It’s like her face melted a little bit and they tried to put it back in place. Does the owner of that face really believe that’s beautiful? Does Joan?

I won’t even go down Michael Jackson Boulevard with all the things that he’s done to his face and body. Someday I expect a news blip stating that he took his mask off and the face came off with it.

The body ages. Things wrinkle. Chests fall. Balls drop. It happens to everyone. But c’mon people, look at it as a badge of experience. I look at my face today and I see some wrinkles, especially around my eyes. Am I going to get Botox injections? Absolutely not. I’ve earned those wrinkles from smiling too much. I’ve earned the gray streak in my mustache from worrying about what lies ahead on the path I’ve chosen. I’ve been blessed with freckles to enhance my ‘cute’ factor. The scars on my leg are from when I was a kid and I learned that you can’t always creep through a barb-wired fence. Would I get rid of these things? No. I’ve earned these marks of experience and I wear them with pride.

Perhaps those that get all this work done on their face and whatnot are doing it to boost their confidence, quite similar to the fact that I shave my head to do the same. But you see, there’s nothing wrong with aging. That’s what the human body does. Would I have the remaining hair on my head permanently removed? Never. Accept what you have, dress it up a little bit, make the most of it and then “work it”. Hold your head up high, you’ve made it this far and you should be proud of yourself for simply doing so.