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No Fly Zone.

Every six months or so an idea so terrifying it strikes fear into the hearts of travelers everywhere surfaces and gets bounced about in discussion.

The airlines are thinking about allowing the use of cell phones at 10,000 feet and above.

Most everyone knows what it’s like to fly these days. You’re hurded like cattle whilst being poked and prodded en route to a giant paper towel tube. There’s never enough seats for the number of people actually planning to fly on any given flight, so it’s a crap shoot as to whether your $700 ticket will get you on the plane.

Once you’re actually on the plane, you find row after row of high-chair sized seats that are actually down low but then the realization comes that you’re suppose to sit in this chair for the next four hours or so. But only after you squish everything you’ve lugged on board into the breadbox mounted over the high-chairs. Will it fit? Don’t worry, the surly flight attendant will check, check, check and re-check again, slamming the breadbox door four or five times so that you have a headache to accompany your experience.

Then you’re given a meal that can be best described as indescribable and tastes like nothing you’ve had before. You wilt more than the lettuce did.

Then you’ll be offered some headphones to watch a movie that bombed at the theatres. All for the mere price of $700.

Now picture this carefully. Add 200 cell phone conversations of yelling, bidding, talking, chatting, screaming and laughing to this cacophony of fun.

Ladies and gentleman, now you know why Earl and I are driving across the country next month.

Just say NO to cell phones in the sky.

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