October 2004

Well it’s official. My 15-inch PowerBook G4 arrived first thing this morning. I didn’t even know that FedEx delivered to residential addresses on Saturday. Earl was up before I was this morning and loudly announced… someone has a package from Apple on the front porch!

Oh my GOD!

I’ve been using my PowerBook for about an hour. It is officially the best computing purchase I’ve made in the history of my computing life, which has been over 20 years.

I’m going to write more tonight. I just had to share that I am in Mac Nirvana!!!

It’s a beautiful day in Upstate N.Y. today. The sun is shining brightly. The temperature is in the mid 50s. There are few clouds in the sky. I have brought along my lunch today, and I’m parked at the ball park that Earl and I frequently haunt during lunch. I was hoping to jump on someone’s wireless network with my notebook, but no such luck. I’m relegated to using WordPad and transferring the file over to my Mac tonight.

I’m really anxious about the arrival of my PowerBook. According to FedEx, it should arrive on Saturday, which I find somewhat odd, as I didn’t know that FedEx delivered on Saturday. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Earl’s iBook is on tap for Monday. His notebook was custom built, whereas I bought a ‘stock’ Powerbook. His is being delivered from Taiwan, mine is coming from California. I find that somewhat interesting.

Last night’s full moon with an eclipse display was breathtakingly beautiful. I took the opportunity to meditate a little longer than usual which cleared a lot of gunk out of my mind. I feel very alert and aware today, and I attribute it to my meditation last night. I also used the opportunity to affirm the spiritual path that I have chosen. I have this sort of ‘home-brewed’ spiritual path, taking different elements of Paganism, Wicca and Gnostic Christianity and building it all into my path, I suppose. I like to think that I speak directly to our Creator, whether God is a He, a She or a blending of the two. I respect all elements of nature, whether plant, animal or mineral. I’m finding myself eating a vegetarian diet again, but I’m not calling myself a vegetarian as I’m trying to shun the label associated with it. I guess I just don’t eat meat. I don’t need the pressure of living up to being called a vegetarian.

I am half-listening to the John McMullen show on Sirius Out Q 149 as I type this entry. I honestly can not wait until this election is over and the outcome is decided. However, I sincerely hope that George Bush is given his walking papers. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. A vote for George Bush is an affirmation that hate is o.k., that war is o.k., that high gas prices are o.k., and that big, individuality-crushing corporations are o.k. The man is evil. He does not deserve to be called Mr. President. He is not my President. I don’t know that I can be friends with anyone that is a staunch Republican because we honestly wouldn’t have that much in common.

I’m looking forward to Earl coming home from Ohio tonight. We’ll catch up on our few television shows (Judging Amy, Absolutely Fabulous, Charmed) and have a healthy supper. I’ll work out, as I’m committed to working towards that hard body I’ve always dreamed about.

Life is good. It’s nice to be free from complaints for a change.

With the end of Daylight Saving Time fast approaching, coupled with tomorrow night’s full moon, I can’t help but marvel at the magical feeling in the air. I love this time of year. I refer to it as “The Twilight”, when the daytime is not at its brightest, the cool wind carries a mystical feeling and the world gets ready for the long winter. In my teenage years, I loved goofing off with friends and playing in the woods behind the house, long after dark settled in. I guess I still enjoy the same things these days.

In the past I’ve always been against getting up before 7:30 a.m., but since the new job starts earlier, I now get up around 6:00. I find myself not turning on the lights, instead opting to see in the darkness. My instincts kick into high gear as I navigate the house with very little light to aid my eyes. It’s a good feeling to ‘feel’ the house, rather than just ‘see’ it. I think she’s happy that we live here.

As more and more darkness consumes time, I don’t feel the sense of hibernation that many others feel. I revel in the energy. I think of it as a time of renewal. A gathering of energy to be stored and then utilized in the spring. This is the time to focus, to meditate, to rejuvenate and to center myself.

I revel in the The Twilight.

Inspired by my friend Thom’s recent Mac purchase, and the wonderful browsing experience at the Apple store today, Earl and I have decided to go mobile and have ordered an iBook and a Powerbook, respectively. My Mac experiment with this used PowerMac G4 533mhz has gone splendidly, so it’s time to make the full commitment.

And there’s one other thing. My current computer is underpowered for SimCity4 with the Rush Hour Expansion Pack. After all, there are priorities in this world.

So the ebay saga begins again. Everything and anything that is not nailed down is going up for auction on ebay over the next couple of weeks. The cat has been hiding his toys because you’d be surprised what one will pay for a catnip toy on ebay!

That reminds me of a funny story… my dad’s family has this hardware store, with a somewhat surly cat that lives in the store. Not in the lumber yard or out in the parking lot, no, “Grayster” lives in the store and gets quite pissy if she is denied the right to sit on your paper plate or to take a nibble of your sandwich during lunch. Yes, a cat walks across the table while people are eating and no I’m not originally from a third world country. Anyways, with every cat comes catnip, somewhere. And Grayster is very adept at sniffing it out, so my aunt took to storing it in the safe. The cash register may be full of money but the catnip is secure in the safe. One night some idiots decided to break into the store. They found the safe and broke into it and decided to ignore the few dollars that were in there because they came across a plastic bag full of what appeared to be pot. But it wasn’t pot, it was catnip. That’s right, catnip. These idiots didn’t touch anything else in the store (including the nearby computer or the checkbook or anything like that), just the bag of catnip. So there they were, two men busted for burglary, and smoking catnip.

Anyways, auction season begins here in our lovely little household. I have a TON of Microsoft Windows software, as well as Linux and Unix books that are just ready to be sold to a little geek newbie. I also have the Powermac, as well as two PC’s as well. Get them while they’re hot! The computer room will become a meditation room/library/den type affair because with our notebooks we’ll be able to compute anywhere in the house! Oh the possibilities!

I’ve begun a new project this week. Well, actually I’ve started up an old project. I’m on a health kick again.

I’ve decided that I need to take better care of my body again. I schlepped my way through the summer and pretty much ate my way through September. So I’m working on losing 15 pounds by the end of the year. Better yet, fifteen pounds of fat. That’ll bring my total weight loss (since April 2002) to 60 pounds. I think that’ll be enough. Rumor on the internet has it that everyone has perfect abs. They’re just covered in an extra layer of fat. Well after 36 years, I’ve decided that I want to see my abs. Let’s see how it works out. For all I know, they could be gold covered or something.

I was going to hold off on this project until the time change at the end of the month, but I threw caution to the wind and began working out again Monday night. I discovered a new album on iTunes. It’s “Expose This” by Gioia. Gioia was the lead singer of Expose for their first two albums – she’s the lead on “Let Me Be The One”, “What You Don’t Know” and “Tell Me Why”. She has an unmistakeable raspy voice and does a killer rave version of “I Was Made For Loving You.”

I was made for loving you baby,

You were made for loving meeeee…

Maybe by the end of the week, I’ll get out that Captain America workout garb I was talking about earlier and do a little show and tell.

I bet you can’t wait! Let me know if you see abs.

As an avid driver and traveler, I’ve noticed an increasing trend that is becoming very disturbing. On freeways/expressways, people are getting in the left lane and staying there.

How rude!

This is how it works. You drive in the RIGHT lane, and you pass in the LEFT lane. After you’re done passing, you move back to the RIGHT lane.

Isn’t it simple? Keep Right. Pass Left.

A couple of rules everyone should consider:

1. Loud stereos do not exempt you from the rules of the road. And vibrating license plates makes your stereo sound cheap.

2. Reclining the seat so far back that you have to prop your neck up with the headrest to see out the windshield is also a sure signal to those around you that you’re on your way to Wal*Mart (“Always White Trash, Always”). It also makes you look like an asshat, even though you think you’re da bomb.

3. Talking on a cell phone does not exempt you from anything on the road, even though you’re apparently exempt from good taste and good judgment.

4. Whipping down an interstate in the left lane while applying makeup or shaving is not smart. (As an aside, I hate it when one person is doing both of these. It’s unnerving.)

5. Neither is back handing the unruly rugrats or distributing McBomb Hamburgers.

6. If you encourage those around you to “honk if you love Jesus”, flipping the bird is not a good response to those beeping.

7. Honking If You Love Jesus is dumb. Prayers do not need horns for punctuation.

8. And my favorite – the bigger the SUV, the smaller the dick. (My favorite bumper sticker of all time: “Soldiers are dying in their Hummers so you can play soldier in yours.”)

Please remember, drive on the RIGHT, pass on the LEFT. Thank you.

Earl and I have lived in our new house since December 1, 2003. Today we decided to decorate. Actually, that’s a lie. We didn’t start today. We just sort of resurrected the thought and did something about it.

When we moved into the new house, we bought new furniture for the “Great” room and the formal living room. Moving from a 155 year old country cottage to an eight-year old transitional, our old furniture just didn’t make it so we opted for something new. The dining room in the new house housed the old dining room table, sans chairs, and the kitchen set in the old house moved on to the same duties in the new house. It didn’t look quite right, but it would do. Oh, we bought a new master bedroom set too when we moved in.

I’ve never felt quite settled in this new house. It’s twice the size of the old one, plus, there was that naked dining room that was just begging for attention. And I’ve discovered that the bigger the house, the bigger the dust bunnies so that’s been quite a chore as well. We recently paid off a bunch of bills so what better way to celebrate than to go back into debt. So we bought a new dining room set and kitchen set, both of which were delivered today.

Unfortunately I was not able to join Earl for the festivities and eye candy of the delivery men, but when I asked if they were good looking, Earl responded, “Yes, especially when he was on his back.” Blunt, but concise. Naturally he was kidding, but after eight years we all could use a good fantasy.

The dining room set is an oak mission style ensemble, complete with hutch and separate buffet. Naturally, we augmented the room with several one-of-a-kind (wink wink) paintings from Pier One (or at least a distant relative, Kirkland’s). And of course, no room is complete in my house without an antique school clock – we had one that matched perfectly.

The kitchen set is a little different than what we’ve had before, it’s a “gathering table”. It seats four or six and is a little higher than your standard table. It’s more at counter height with backed stools for sitting. It’s a really neat concept and makes us feel quite nouveau. We augmented that set with a couple of shelvy-table things for the corners and of course a clock.

There’s still much more that we wish to do, but at least now all the rooms have something substantial in them. I’m going to take more pictures and post them on my .Mac page within the next couple of days.

Ever since I was a youngster, I’ve always had this need to do any given task as fast as possible. In sixth grade, I always finished my exams first. My teacher always scolded me for rushing through them. I knew I had the answers I wanted on the paper. I did my very best. I didn’t believe in going back and checking my answers. I didn’t believe in second guessing myself.

As I’m learning my new job, I’m finding a tendency to do the same thing. I’m trying to learn everything at once, as quickly as possible, so I can be up to speed and a fully contributing member of the team. This method has worked for me before. I feel it’s when I’m at the top of my game. But this scenario is a little different. I’m helping customers now. I provide technical-type support for them. I have to slow down and think the problem through. In many instances, there are several paths any given trouble ticket can take.

On Monday, I purposely slowed down when I was troubleshooting an equipment problem. I thought about it, calmly, quietly and rationally. I didn’t try to “get it fixed” as quickly as possible, not caring if I stumbled along the way. I reasoned my way through the problem.

It was a much easier to fix the problem this way. I was able to work it through, without asking my co-workers repeat questions. I was rewarded with a “good job”.

There’s always something to learn, every day. On Monday I learned how to slow down.

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I’ve added a link to my moblog again. It’s at the lower right of my blog page. Also, our main page now has a link to the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Please take a look.

I had an interesting lunch today. I saw a UFO. Well, actually not A UFO, but a group of four of them. I still can’t believe it.

It was a beautiful sunny autumn day. The sky was mostly clear with a few clouds here and there. It was a brilliant blue, save for the clouds. Jetliners flying overhead did not leave a con-trail, they moved across the sky effortlessly, with no evidence of their path trailing behind.

I often park in the parking lot of the local ballfield to enjoy lunch in the car. I don’t know why I go there, but it’s a popular spot. The same UPS truck is always in the lot, without a driver in sight. I like to think he’s napping on the packages in the back. I parked in my usual spot… facing the firehouse across the street. I had the gay talk station playing on the satellite radio. I was enjoying a not-meat sandwich and some pasta salad. It was peaceful.

After finishing up lunch, I leaned the car seat back all the way so that I could soak in some sun and enjoy the blue sky through the sun roof and the driver’s side window. Living beneath a busy airline route, I would see the aforementioned jetliners from time to time. I turned my head slightly and through the back window, a bright “star” caught my eye. My first impression was, “wow, that plane is really reflecting some sunlight.” But it was moving slowly and in a different direction than the airliners. And it didn’t act like a plane reflecting light. It maintained its brightness. I thought of my favorite sci-fi book, “The Demu Trilogy.” The alien planet the main character finds himself on is impressive in that the stars are bright, even in full daylight. It seemed like I was seeing a star in the middle of the day.

I figured whatever it was would take a few minutes to pass through my “blind spot” in a few moments and I would be able to see it through the sunroof. But it never happened. Whatever it was never appeared in my sunroof. I figured it was jetliner reflecting light after all and moved my attention to something else.

A few moments later, I looked straight up through the driver’s side window and saw four “stars”. Two of them were bright white and looked just like the North Star, except it was broad daylight. They were moving, in tandem, ever so slowly towards the south. They didn’t seem to have a deliberate propulsion; they seemed to be floating along, moving from side to side ever so slightly, but always the same distance from each other. As I looked closer, I realized that I could see two more “stars”, about half their size and the most beautiful blue-green you could ever imagine. Just as bright as the two white objects, just half the size. These two objects were very busy moving back and forth between the two white objects. They moved along with the two white objects, but did their own thing back and forth. Again, not in a straight line, but in a casual line of sorts.

I thought maybe I was seeing a balloon or something, but the light from these objects was always consistent. It just didn’t look like something reflecting light. They looked like they were generating these lights.

This group of four objects did their thing and moved to the nearest cloud, where they then began to move upwards, slowly growing smaller and then they disappeared, really, really fast.

I looked down at the sidewalk, not sure of what I saw and saw a man looking up at the sky. He caught my glance, looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and moved on. But at least I had confirmation that I wasn’t the only one that saw the four objects.

I have no idea what they were. But it was absolutely fascinating.

Not only is today Columbus Day, (is it the real Columbus Day or is it just “observed”?), but it’s also another holiday of sorts – it’s National Coming Out Day. It’s on this day that gay men and women, regardless of age, strive to come out of the closet and announce to someone, be it the world, their family or even themselves, that they are gay. National Coming Out Day was designed as sort of a support mechanism, to let people know that they are not alone.

I don’t think National Coming Out Day was around when I “came out”. Well, I actually didn’t really come out, for the most part I didn’t really feel the need to. I guess people just assumed. After all, in high school, I ended the morning announcements with phrases like “Have a Wonderful Wednesday” or “Have a Fabulous Friday”. I mean, come on, all that was missing was the flashing pink neon light. When I lived in Massachusetts, my dear friend Donna told me that coming out was only a big deal because gay men and women made such a big deal about coming out. If it’s not a big deal to you, then it’s not a big deal to anyone else. I can sort of see the logic in that and it’s a theory that I subscribe to, though I don’t think it fits in every scenario. For example, I don’t think that a teenage boy living in the middle of the Bible belt is going to be able to drop a “That was a wonderful six hour sermon today. I really liked Maude’s punch at the church social afterwards. By the way, I’ve been sleeping with the farm hand, we both like boys, but it’s really no big deal” and not have the family get their panties in a knot. It would be wonderful is the Mother and Father then embraced the boy and welcomed the farm hand into the family, and the positive energy in me tells me that this has happened at least once in a great while, but I fear that there’s not enough of that type of support in the world.

So here it is, National Coming Out day, so I’m going to share my story. I knew my sexual orientation in my early teens. Actually, now that I think about it, I knew I liked other boys when I was in elementary school. Second grade to be exact. I always opted to be on the girls’ team when we played “shove the kids on the ground” on the playground because after all, the girls needed help (wink wink). I actually wanted to be pushed around by the boys and I wanted to wrestle them to the ground. But it wasn’t until my early teens that I knew what all this meant. I figured it was just something that all guys went through. God Bless my mother and father, they never talked to me about how these things worked so I had to figure it out myself. It wasn’t until my later teens that I figured that whatever “this” was was here to stay and I might as well just live with it. Even though I had a girlfriend at the time. Luckily, my girlfriend dumped me (guess I didn’t put out for the prom or something) and I was free to pursue my true feelings. I had a crush on a classmate named Dave, but he ended up going out with my sister. She always got the cute ones back then. Towards the end of high school I accepted the fact that I found some of my male schoolmates attractive, though I didn’t really do anything about it. When my parents dropped me off at college, I made a vow to myself. I was never going to hide who I was again and I would always allow my inner feelings to be. And boy, was I “out” in college. It’s all I ever talked about! Small wonder I failed out of school, I was too busy trying to be gay (even though I didn’t go on ANY dates!). Someone should have dumped a bucket of water on me because my pilot light was flarin’ WAY too high. So much for preconceived notions on how gay men should act. Luckily I was at a music school or else I would have been beat up a lot.

I didn’t really talk about my homosexuality with my family until Earl came along, save for my mother, my sister and my cousin Stephanie. I told my mother my first break home from college, with the usual dramatic flair, but she told me she knew all along and that she still loved me very much. I can still picture sitting in my parents’ living room having that discussion with my Mom back in 1986. My sister just knew. Perhaps it was the discussions years earlier about how cute Rick Springfield, Jack Wagner and the guys in Duran Duran were. And my cousin and I were very close and she always teased me about being gay so I finally just confirmed it. I finally calmed down a bit and ended up having one boyfriend in the year or two after college that I brought around once or twice, then a half hearted attempt at a relationship after that, but until my commitment ceremony with Earl it was just an unspoken assumption, I suppose. I just went out and did my thing and everyone worried about me. I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Earl and I began wearing our wedding bands after our commitment ceremony. Then it was like the closet doors just blew off their hinges, even though no words were spoken. I was in love and I was happy. And am even more so to this day.

I wish everyone had an easy path with their homosexuality, coming out and acceptance. I cringe when people say that being gay is a choice. It’s not. It’s part of who I am. Without the “gay”, I would not be the man I am today. It is just as inherent to us as eye color or left- or right-handedness.

So on this National Coming Out Day, whether you’re contemplating, talking or listening, know that there are others in similar situations. You are not alone.