Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

I’m typing my blog entry on my Palm Pilot tonight. I don’t know why I’m using my Palm Pilot, except I suppose that I just enjoy using it. So here it is.

I had quite an experience last night. I did some Tai-Chi before going to bed, and it made me feel very, very calm. I felt very serene, at peace with myself. It was a beautiful feeling. Something must have hit my soul from the practice, because last night I had the first “flying” dream I’ve had in quite a while. It’s a dream I used to have quite often. The setting and circumstances were always different, but I always had the ability to fly. I would gently ride the air currents. I’m myself – my body, my face, at least as I see myself, but I have such a feeling of exhileration as I’m flying. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that dream, but it was wonderful to have it last night. My centeredness lasted much of the day. I became a little cranky towards the end of the work day, but I managed to get myself back to center. I should practiceTai-Chi more often.

I’m still studying for my MCSE certification in Windows XP. I had to switch back to Windows at work, simply because our company is too Windows-centric to try to rebel against existing systems with Linux. It was hampering my productivity, and a good manager recognizes when that happens. So I’m back on Windows XP at work. I’m using at home right now as well, though I still have SuSE installed… Linux isn’t too chatty with my Palm Pilot. I want to use my Palm more, and to do so, I guess I need to be using Windows, at least for now.

Tom went to the vet yesterday to have his teeth cleaned. He had to have a tooth pulled and during the surgery he had to have an IV for hydration. So, he has two shaved patches, one on his side for the pain patch he has, which comes off on Monday, and the other where his IV was on his front leg. He seems to be in good spirits though. Doesn’t like the antibiotics I have to give him twice a day, but who does.

I can’t believe that Earl and I are just one week away from our trip to Phoenix, Arizona. Absolutely amazing how fast time is flying these days. I really think that the clock has actually sped up! I’m looking forward to doing blog entries on the trip. I have internet access and everything.

Since Earl is in Buffalo this evening, I’m taking it easy. I think I’m going to call it an early night, read a bit and go to sleep.

Earl and I just got done watching “Joe Millionaire: The Aftermath”. Yep, I’m still a sucker for the reality shows. I can’t believe it myself, though I must admit, Zora is a very attractive woman. Evan is in desperate need of a haircut and shave though.

My mood has been cherrier the past couple of days, I think it’s because we’re nearing vacation to Phoenix, Arizona. Either that or the fact that spring is around the corner.

I’m looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep and making tomorrow another day of accomplishment.

It’s a snowy Sunday. The weatherman was saying that we were suppose to get all this snow, sleet and freezing rain yesterday. But Mother Nature decided that we should get it on Sunday so here it is. 🙂

We’ve been enjoying a laid-back weekend. Yesterday was “America’s Greatest Heart Run and Walk”, and the radio station I work for was part of it. So, up I was at 7:00 a.m. to be out on the road by 8:15. We didn’t walk, but we provided music and did live updates on the air. It was fun. Temperature was about 40 so it wasn’t too cold, but there was a persistent drizzle that we had to deal with. I have to give it up for the walkers though, it didn’t slow down the 8,000 or so runners and walkers that were raising money … all for a good cause – the American Heart Association.

Yesterday afternoon we kicked back – I did a lot of dinking around with my computer getting it just right for SuSE. Another successful Linux experiment so far. I’m having just two problems this time around:

1. I can’t get my webcam to work.

2. I can’t figure out how to sync my Palm m515 through the USB adapter.

Last night we watched a couple episodes of Xena off of TiVo and then “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”. We bought the DVD a couple of weeks ago. Like Star Trek V, I hadn’t seen that movie since it was originally shown in the theatres, so it was nice to see it again. I liked this one quite a bit.

I slept in this morning as I felt I needed some extra rest. Earl surprised me with waffles and sausage for breakfast – and a reasonably sized portion at that. Messed around with the computer some more and then we went to Kaufmann’s to buy a new set of luggage for our trip to Phoenix in two weeks. Ended up going grocery shopping at P & C as well. I was disappointed in P&C for two reasons – they’ve shrunk the size of the natural foods section of the store, and the very cute bag boy shaved off his beard. He’s still very cute though. And don’t think that I’m being all cheating on Earl – he thinks the bagboy is cute as well. 🙂

Now I’m updating software on my computer so I’m typing my blog entry on the iMac. His computer is so nifty. 🙂 I really like the keyboard. I tried an experiment a while back and hooked an Apple Pro keyboard up to a Windows computer. Windows had no problem with it at all, recognized it as an “Apple Pro Keyboard” and let me use it like a regular keyboard. Kind of cool. I’m thinking of getting one of these for my computer. 🙂

Had sort of a revelation today. The scent of orange really relaxes me. My favorite color has always been orange, and though I can’t wear much orange or decorate much in orange (not since 1978 or so), I do still enjoy the color, the drink and the smell. I bought this Citrus Magic all natural soap that has a nice orange scent, I think I’ll continue to use it.

I’m going to do some work on my web sites tonight and take it easy. Maybe I’ll redecorate jpnearl.com in orange! 🙂

I am sitting at my computer desk typing on my Palm Pilot as we speak. I’m not using the computer at the moment because I am installing SuSE Linux 8.1 Professional on my computer. This is going to be interesting. I tried SuSE at version 8.0 and wasn’t really happy with it, but with the rave reviews this version got, I’m hoping this experience will go better, so I’m giving it a whirl. If you want more details, you’ll have to see my geekdom entry from tonight.

Earl is in Buffalo this evening. He hasn’t been out there in a couple of weeks, but there’s been some important events coming up for the company at the Buffalo plant, so he needs to be out there tonight. Next week, he’s traveling quite a bit, I’m going to find myself having to busy myself about the house!

Tomorrow is Earl’s birthday, so I went shopping tonight at the local mall. I’m not a big fan of this mall, I think because it’s because I’m a snob and don’t like the “mini-me” version of all the stores here. Our Best Buy has one register line with only six registers. It’s 1/4 of the size of Best Buy in Syracuse. Our Barnes and Noble is like “Barnes and Noble light”. And the mall itself is clumsily outdated. A couple of months ago about 200 teenagers got into a massive fight on a Friday night in the food court, so they put these massive lights in there and took out all the trees so no one can hide. You need sunglasses and your head examined to go in there now.

I had a really wild dream last night that was really Xena-esque. I was at the local bar where I used to DJ and some thugs were picking on little guys, so I gave them the old one, two. Flipping around, yelling, throwing punches, the whole nine yards. I woke up sweating and yelling – Earl was a nervous wreck. 🙂

I’ve been rather jumpy at work and I don’t know why. I think it’s the residual effects from the winter blahs. Now that I’m conscious of it, I’m making an effort to kick it out of my system. Hmmm… interesting that I used “kick it out of my system”…maybe I have the Xena-esque thing lingering in my psyche!

I have my keyboard for the Palm Pilot setup on my desk here at work while I write this blog entry. I think it’s the easiest way for me to write things down as I think of them here at work. We’ll give this system a whirl and see how it works.

I’m feeling pretty good today. I weighed in at pre-winter weight this morning which is good news. I have to remember not to weigh myself on Mondays. It’s too depressing.

Earl is taking me to a local bike shop tonight to buy my touring bike. I am very, very excited about that! I’ve been looking at the Fuji touring bikes and have been doing reading up on what I need for gearing and such. I am really jazzed up about riding this summer. I’m going to start as soon as the roads are clear and the temperature is reasonable.

Earl and I watched the Joe Millionaire finale last night. We hate to admit it, but we had been anticipating Joe’s decision all week. It was heartwarming to see him choose Zora, the down to earth one. Got to admit it, Fox suckered us in hook, line and sinker.

I’ve decided to start watching Survivor:The Amazon. I wasn’t going to watch this season’s romp but I decided to give in and see what’s going on. It’s already on the TiVo to do list. 🙂

I haven’t written in my blog in quite a while because I havem’t been on the computer much. I know that I’ve been suffering from a severe case of the winter blahs. I got a little bit of a boost last week that helped more than I initially realized.

Last weekend, Earl decided to go on a road trip and ended meandering west across Upstate N.Y. About Rochester I saw a beautiful sight. GRASS. That’s right … grass. And while not entirely green, it was a welcome sight.

We ended up in Erie, Pa. and ate supper at Red River Roadhouse. That waving you see is me saying goodbye to vegetarianism as I enjoyed a prime rib that was out of this world.

Primed by my grass sighting, I began to get really jazzed about cycling and have been training on my stationary bike. I plan to be rather aggressive with my distance riding-with my first overnight ride on May 8.

As I’m writing this, we are on our way to Bristol, Pa. to visit Earl’s family. We just had supper at Chick-Fil-A in Allentown. I’m content.

~~~

Sunday night (Feb. 16, 2003)

A nice weekend. Earl and I hooked up with his brother Rick and Rick’s girlfriend Helen and went and saw “The Recruit”. A good movie. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Afew twists and turns in the plot that made it worth-the-while.

We visited with his dad this morning before heading out. The Philly area was hysterical because they were getting the storm of the century- something like one or two feet of snow. Big whoop. That’s everyday snow up here in Central N.Y. Oh well. It’s all a matter of perspective.

I picked up a new pack of incense while we were grocery shopping – it’s vanilla. Very soothing. Earl is even enjoying it.

We made chocolate chip cookies this evening. They are organic and taste wonderful. Last night we went to a steakhouse, my second prime rib in two weeks. 🙂 I don’t feel any worse for the wear, but let’s see what the scale says tomorrow morning. Maybe I’ll skip the scale and wait until Tuesday for my weight check. 🙂

Earl and I have decided to get rid of the DirecPC high speed internet via satellite dish. It’s not worth the money or trouble. Maybe if they perfect the technology a little more, or come out with something a little more reliable (and that doesn’t include windows), we’ll jump back on the bandwagon, but for now we’re going to stick with dial-up. It’ll also give me a chance to mess around with FreeBSD Unix for my home computer. I’ll just have to keep windows around to play SimCity and the Sims. 🙂

I think that I’m finally busting out of my cabin fever mood. The weather has warmed up finally, with it topping 32 degrees today. Plus, the sun was out, which is always good. It’s suppose to warm up to 40 by the end of the weekend, and I find that quite exciting, because we’ll be able to open the kitchen door. The rain gutters are so clogged with ice that we can’t get the door open without doing a body slam into it. I think the cat finds us crazy the way we slam in and out of the house these days.

Work has been chugging along. It’s been interesting, because we didn’t have any water in the building for the past two days. I had to walk up the street to use the bathroom. Not a good thing after you’ve had a Wendy’s Chicken Bacon salad (bad for me, I know). And considering I work in a sixteen-story building, you wouldn’t really think that we’d lose water, but we did. Something about busted pipes and the bank flooding down below. Hopefully it shorted out our checking account and plopped more money in it.

Earl and I have decided to go on vacation after all. We are going the second week of March and we’re headed to Phoenix, Ariz. (and points south). I guess he admitted that he loves the desert as much as I do. We’re still pulling all the plans together, but I am really, really, really looking forward to it.

We’ve also decided to take Valentine’s Day off and just spend the day doing something for ourselves. Whether it’s a 20 hour car ride or going wild in a hotel room, it’s going to be just for the two of us. We like doing things like that.

I’ve been reading online about this yoga sinus draining thing. I find it intriguing – its suppose to cleanse your sinuses with salt water and get rid of any infection that may be starting. I might give it a whirl and see if I can clear up this stuffy feeling.

I’ve been grooving on Xena again. I feel guilty watching the “Oh” channel because it’s suppose to be for women, but I’ll take Xena however I can get her.

I’m going to surf the web and call it a night.

I’ve decided that I have been quite moody for the past week or so. Cranky. A little bit irritable. I finally figured it out this morning. Two words. Cabin Fever. I am suffering from cabin fever.

I received a new Adventure Cycling magazine this week and it outlines the tours available for 2003. I am REALLY wishing to go on a bike ride. Soon! I want to get on my new bike and ride ride ride like the wind, there’s no doubt about it. I want to pack some camping gear and get away from it all for a couple of days. Me, my bike and the road, with Earl waiting at the end smiling.

I’m kind of frightened of the fact that I have a touch of cabin fever, since it’s still only mid-January and with the way this winter has been going, spring is probably a ways off still.

Earl was toying with me yesterday and suggested a trip to Arizona for a week this spring. How I love the desert. I would leap at the opportunity to go hang out in the desert for a couple of days. Is it my cabin fever talking? Perhaps – but I think I was meant to be a creature of the desert. There’s a whole spiritual thing for me when I think about the desert.

I’ve been playing The Sims and “Sim City 4” all day today. We picked up the new version of Sim City yesterday – I’m really enjoying it. I had two guys in my Sims family, but they refuse to hook up. What’s up with that?

It’s amazing what you can do with Google. Earl is downstairs watching the Eagles game and every once in a while I can hear shouts of sports ecstacy coming up the staircase. I’m glad he’s enjoying himself. I like to watch football, but not on television. Honestly, I have a hard enough time watching it while sitting in a stadium and keeping track of everything. Trying to keep track of what’s happening on a 27-inch TV is way too much work. 🙂

So I’m busying myself up here exploring nooks and crannies of the internet with Google. I have “safesearch” on whenever I search on Google, because frankly, I don’t care if Vera wants me to show her tits on her webcam when I’m searching for software downloads. I find it amazing that you can put in people’s names and find out so much. I put in my name first, and came up with all sorts of posts I put the usenet (the newsgroups) back in 1989 and 1990 when I was working for DEC. That was kind of weird. I printed one out for Earl (it was about the TV show Isis) and his comment was “You haven’t changed a bit.” I guess in some respects I haven’t.

Then I started plunking in the names of people I used to work with and once in a while dated during my DECcie days. Surprisingly, Mark is now an accomplished musician in a band in San Francisco. He was very strange, much like myself, and others in the Digital gay group BGLAD wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole. Me? He was just my type.

Then there’s Marcus, who is still all political, living in Washington, D.C. now instead of Boston. He was the oldest guy I ever dated, he was 40 at the time, I was 22.

There’s Derek – who’s an accomplished software engineer in New Hampshire. A nice guy, but a lousy kisser. And he used an electric razor, which is a definite deal breaker with me. (Long story). Come to think of it, I think he was an accomplished software engineer when I dated him. I guess I didn’t notice.

Ah, yes, Buck. Who worked in the building next to mine. A very fine looking man, who took me to the movies my last night of living in New England. I didn’t really give myself the chance to get to know him better, but he seemed like the wild type. He dressed in leather and had a military haircut (remember it was 1990 at the time) and seemed like he could be wild. I couldn’t find out much about him on the internet. You wouldn’t believe how many guys go by the name Buck in Boston.

So then I looked up my old roommate from this area and found him working with the Empire Pride Agenda. How very good for him, I sent him e-mail suggesting Earl and I meet him for dinner sometime.

I suppose this walk through my past was all started because of something that happened this afternoon. Earl and I went through a hellish hour of grocery shopping at the local Price Chopper. Now, we both hate Price Chopper with a passion, but decided it was close and to give them “one more try”. Oy. Not only is the store horribly outdated, over crowded and populated with Italian women with big hair and furry coats (and I’m not talking about their jackets), but they have the worst self-serve registers I’ve ever seen.

Anyways, while we were shopping, we ran into an old friend of mine, Melissa. Melissa and I worked together at the Association for Retarded Citizens back in the early 1990s, when I first moved to the area. We were both single and we both worked the same shift, Tuesday 12 noon to Thursday 3 p.m. (straight through), only at different community residences. We’d go out on Thursday nights together. Melissa is probably the only woman that I ever had even an inkling of a romantic feeling for. After a while, a few unfortunate incidents transpired and I quite coldly quit talking to her, for about a year or so. After I was an absolute bitch for a year and went out of my way to ignore her, we started talking again (why she started talking to me again I’ll never know) and then poof – I was determined to get into radio (which she supported), determined to make a doomed relationship “undoomed” and then she went and did her thing… exploring what she wanted and such. I’ve thought of Melissa often and wondered what she was up to. I’ve always wanted to tell her that I was sorry that I was such a wench towards her during a difficult time. And here she was, standing in front of Earl and I in the milk department, with her gorgeous nine-month old baby and seemingly long-time partner. She looked beautiful and I was so happy that she had found her path. I couldn’t really tell her that I missed her and was sorry for all that had transpired, because it really didn’t seem appropriate in the middle of this hideous grocery store. But I suppose there was some closure as that I knew she was doing o.k.

So I’m babbling. Earl was a little surprised at how “rocked” I was by running into Melissa. So I had to explain the whole thing to him. He’s so patient with me. But this little meeting has me re-evaluating my lot in life again. Do I want kids? I don’t know. Do I need a new career? Perhaps, but where to start at 34 years old? Should I just give in and declare myself insane? Probably, but not likely.

He’s just come up to tell me that the Eagles won against Atlanta – 20 to 6. I suppose Philly is celebrating right now. 🙂 I look over at him as I’m typing this, and he tells me, again, how much he loves the iMac I bought him for Christmas. And then he tells me that he loves me. I never thought I would have found someone who could understand me. I’m glad I did.

I am sitting downstairs at our breakfast table. Earl is cooking lunch (I believe we are having sausage roll) and watching some entertainment gossip show at the same time. I’ve been messing around with the computer and I just got around to taking a shower.

I have to admit that after 34 1/2 years in this life, some people may be right. My moods can be like a pendulum. Now I’m not some whackos that goes from 0 to 60 on the rage scale in five seconds, but I guess I tend to look at all sides of the situation and I tend to want to try all things. For example, I switched web page software today (again) and installed Microsoft FrontPage 2002. That’s a complete 180 from my anti-Microsoft stance last week, now isn’t it. 🙂

When I’m on “one side” of an argument, I stay on that side and stand my ground, but when it’s more trivial stuff (should we go to the movies, what do you want for supper, Linux-Windows-Linux-Windows) I tend to look at all sides (advantages/disadvantages) of this situation. Does this mean I’m a mess? Maybe … but at least I recognize it now.

I’m slowly accomplishing my 2003 resolutions and it’s Jan 4th! I haven’t fallen off the wagon yet.

Tonight we are going to see “Lord of the Rings”, the second installment. We watched the DVD of the first one on New Year’s Eve, now we’re ready to see the one currently in theatres. After Lord of the Ring, we watched Dick Clark and his usual drop the ball ceremony. I have a theory that he’s really not there at all and just recorded 15 years or so ahead of time and now we’re seeing that. But I can be a conspiracy theory whacko when I want to be.

I finally decided to shave off my mustache. When I did so, I instantly felt better about myself. I don’t know why I put such stock into my physical appearance, but I admit it, I am very vain. I may not be the prettiest on the block, but I carry myself like I am. 🙂

It’s been several hours since I started this entry, now Earl is taking a shower and we are getting ready to head to a 6:30 movie – “Lord of the Rings”. It should be a fun night.