And then we ended up in Boystown. Gay life has changed a lot since I was a young gay.
Sitch.
I’m drinking. Earl is guiding. I have no pepper spray. I haven’t been shot. I live in Chicago and I freaking love it.
I’m drunk.
“Friendly” Skies.
After a long week away from home for work, I was ready to fly the one hop from Rochester, N.Y. to Chicago to be back in our new comfort zone. Work had gone well, I was feeling pumped about my new role at the company and I had a smile on my face.
I was scheduled to fly United 518 from Rochester to Chicago. Departure was at 5:23 PM. I was at the gate early; one of my co-workers had a 4:00 PM conference call so we carpooled early to the airport and I was through security in plenty of time.
Quick sidebar (still in corporate-speak mode): the TSA made me take ALL electronics out of my backpack for the first time ever. Normally I put all of my belongings in my bag so I don’t need a bunch of bins. I then take out my laptop and put it in a separate bin. My shoes and belt go in another bin. My backpack rides through solo. Yesterday I had to take my iPhone, iPad and laptop out of my backpack and place them all in separate bins. When asked about any other electronics I told them I had headphones in there but they didn’t care about those, which is interesting since my AirPods are really little computers with speakers, but that’s just geek speak. When I asked the TSA agent why my iPhone and iPad had to be in separate bins, she told me it was new procedures as of this week. The rules and regulations of this country are such a moving target these days. The moral of the story is people like chaos and they vote for more chaos.
Anyway, at 4:40 PM, a gate agent that was struggling with the operation of the microphone announced that there would be a slight delay due to a mechanical issue and we would be updated shortly. The sign behind her head still proudly proclaimed the flight was On-Time and departing at 5:23 PM.
At 5:10 PM a supervisor installed herself behind the other terminal at the gate. A bearded gate agent (not a woman) stationed himself where they beep your ticket. People started lining up in the designated cattle chutes by their assigned groups, because United believes people are cattle and should be lining up in chutes. I’m always reminded of “Celebrity Sweepstakes” by it’s not as fun without Carol Wayne and trust me, no one is a winner when they’re standing in a chute waiting to get on a United flight.
5:23 PM came and went without a peep from anyone that was intently staring into their computer screens. Bearded man was approached by a couple of people and he said “I don’t have time to address your question” a few times before the cattle got the message that he had no hay. There had been no update from anyone behind the desk since the 4:40 PM announcement of a ‘slight’ delay.
A pilot-y looking man came from the jet bridge and shook his head. I knew the flight was cancelled, others knew the flight was cancelled but the monitor behind the intent people proclaimed “On-Time”, though it was after our 5:23 PM departure time.
The monitors were then turned off. The United app continued to proclaim “On-Time”.
After 5:30 PM, supervisor-y looking woman announced that “there is a mechanical issue that would take too long to fix so we are canceling the flight”. She then said, “this is our last flight of the night and all the flights from other airlines are booked.” She then continued with “call the 800 number or go down to ticketing as we are a bit busy here at the gate.”
The lead bull in Chute #3 (that would be me) immediately called the United number. The older couple behind me panicked because they had a smartphone and didn’t know what to do. I used my bullhorn voice to proclaim the number to anyone that wanted to hear it. After wading through approximately four minutes of a chipper automated man asking about my experience, my phone number, my frequent flyer details and whether this phone number was who I really was or not (he sounded like he was fueled by cocaine) I finally reached a woman and told her of my plight. When asked why I was not on the flight that left at 5:23 PM I told her that the flight is still here and has been cancelled. She asked me why it wasn’t marked cancelled and I told her, in no uncertain terms, that the gate agents weren’t really engaged and basically said we were on our own. The airplane would take too long to fix.
She immediately booked me for an American flight leaving at 6:12 PM but was concerned that Rochester Airport was too big for me to make the flight. I told her not to worry, the only thing big about Rochester was its ego.
I arrived at gate A8, keeping the United agent on the line, and confirmed that I had a seat. However, Katie at the American Airlines counter informed me that because United had not sent over my bag I was unable to get on the aircraft. She could not separate me from my bag. I had hung up with United because she had waved my boarding pass in my hand and then taken it back when she found out I hadn’t retrieved my checked luggage from a United 737 myself. She told me that I couldn’t get on without my bag and I had to take it up with United.
I had what was probably my most epic hissy fit in public in the 49 years of riding this rock around the sun.
“I’m not allowed in the cargo hold.”
“You mean, even though I have a seat, the gate is still open and I’m all confirmed, I can’t get on because my luggage is on another airplane?”
“Do you realize that airlines lose luggage as a sport and you’re ruining the fun for everyone involved with the fiasco?”
“This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever heard of a passenger not being able to fly because he doesn’t have his luggage with him. Who made up that rule?”
“Trust me, there is nothing and no one in Rochester, New York that warrants any sort of special rules about luggage. I’m surprised there’s anyone left to travel.”
She asked me to step back from the counter. I stepped back and called United. United told me that the woman was crazy and when she heard I was telling various people about “Katie at A8” she let me on the airplane if I agreed to be separated from my luggage and not sue American Airlines about it.
I said, “don’t worry Katie, I’ll be on the airplane in less than five minutes and you can go back to your mundane existence.”
She glared as she gave me my boarding pass. I thanked her for putting up with my tirade, promised her I’d never see her again and wished her a Happy Friday.
The woman that beeped me through was surly. I said, “you should try being chipper like Katie.”
Yes, I’m a dick. I’m not often a dick but when it’s time for me to be a dick I can be a dick. I don’t mind being a dick. I’m not afraid calling out people when they’re being willfully stupid. The last time I went to the epic setting was at a Wawa on a cashier who would shut off the gas pump anytime a customer took their hand off the gas nozzle during a raging rain storm. The gas nozzles were equipped with those little flippy things to keep them on but she said new rules didn’t allow their use. I’m fairly certain she no longer abuses her “power” after I dressed her down to nearly tears.
When I sat down in seat 14B, after being glared at by folks that had been sitting on the airplane longer than they wanted to, I told everyone around me, “I’m sorry for the delay but there’s some wacky rules about luggage in Rochester, New York. And trust me, I’m not going to win a popularity contest at this airport anytime soon. I won’t even win Mr. Congeniality. On the bright side this isn’t United and I have no hair to grab onto.” A few people laughed. An older couple headed to Greece (not Greece, New York) came up the aisle behind me mentioning the idiocy they had to go through. They stopped at my seat and thanked me because I had blazed the trail for being separated from your luggage on an American flight departing Rochester, New York.
Next time you’re on Celebrity Sweepstakes, don’t doubt the bullhorn at the lead of United Chute #3.
Lessons learned? I will never, ever, ever fly United again, simply because they really don’t care about their customers at all. They never cancelled United 518 but simply marked it delayed for 17 hours. I’m suspecting this was to avoid paying for hotel rooms for stranded passengers but I don’t know this for certain. But the bottom line is that United never communicated with their 110 or so passengers that were waiting for the flight and when they did they said we were on our own to find our way back. They couldn’t have cared less. That speaks volumes about the customer service experience with United. I’ve experienced this on previous United flights. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. There won’t be a third time.
If you can’t kill them with kindness, which usually works for me, go epic.
The Glass Age.
The company, operating system and ecosystem that brings us to this type of future, quickly, easily and most importantly, securely, will win my dork attention every time.
Cake.
I’m getting really tired of the left bashing the left in what appears to be an attempt to get page clicks and generate controversy in an attempt to “go viral” and thus rake in scads of ad revenue.
Tina Fey appeared on SNL’s “Weekend Update: Summer Edition” in response to the recent events in Charlottesville this past week. Several outlets have slammed Tina’s appearance. John Gruber at Daring Fireball says it best:
Tina Fey’s segment on SNL’s Weekend Update this week was so good I’ve watched it three times already. It’s just amazing.
Yet, remarkably, it has drawn criticism from people on the left. Exhibits A, B, and C. If you’re claiming to be offended by Tina Fey’s segment this week, you’re either utterly humorless or willfully obtuse, and either way, you are part of the problem. The only people to be offended by this week are fucking Nazis, and Tina Fey just skewered them.
I remember being a kid learning that Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal was controversial in its time, because some sanctimonious shitheads thought Swift literally wanted people to eat Irish children. I just couldn’t believe there were people who were incapable of understanding satire. But here we are today, with people thinking Tina Fey literally wants us to stay home and eat cake. If that’s what you think, let me break it to you: your heart might be in the right place, but you’re an idiot.
Couldn’t have said it better, John. The United States is never going to move forward if the folks that are trying to move it forward keep attacking their own.
Unstable.
I’m a happy man. I have a wonderful husband. I have a wonderful family. My career is going well. We finally live where we’ve wanted to live for a while. I can fly an airplane when I want. I can see and do things that I enjoy.
So why do I occasionally feel glum? Why did it take a conscious effort for me to not crawl back into bed this morning?
It’s the tempo of our society.
While I have whittled down the number of news sources, political reporters, etc. that I follow on Twitter, my feed is still a constant barrage of Trump stupidity. It still boggles my mind that there are enough incredibly stupid people in the United States that managed to find their way to a voting booth and cast a ballot for this pathetic excuse of a human being, let alone leader of anything. I look at Facebook hoping to see happy faces of friends and family enjoying life and there’s a bunch of commentary about the same thing: the blatant idiocy, inadequacy and utter instability of the President of the United States. Once in a while a politician will belch out some sort of statement that is meant to admonish whatever the Idiot has done this week but the words ring hollow. There is never an action as a follow-up. It’s all about the words.
It’s all my fault for relying on my computing devices for information. There are many times that I long for less of a connection to technology. I know this is odd, since I make a living building applications to make the user experience better but honestly I would be perfectly content reading and writing text on a flat-panel black screen with amber characters and a flashing cursor. Perhaps that’s the route I should take. Find a laptop with a beautiful display that just gives me a command prompt when I log in.
When we ride the train I noticed that 85% of the people around us are glued to their phones. There’s always someone taking a barrage of selfies. Most have headphones in. They’re looking down and oblivious to the world around them. I wonder if they’re reading about the latest display of ignorance from the White House or if they’re just watching videos of teenagers trying to drink boiling water through a metal straw (don’t even get me started on that) or if they’re watching movie trailers of another dimly lit superhero movie.
Where’s the sunshine? Where’s the positivity? While there were some horrible things going on with racism, homophobia and the like in the mid 20th century, you have to admit that back then eyes were on the future. People dreamed of flying cars and going to the Moon and building computers that helped make our household lives easier. Today many have eyes down a hole, looking for zombies and making moves to take us to the past.
The times we live in are so unstable. I would give something, anything for just touch of stability.
Digs.
So tonight I unpacked the last box for my office. It took a few notes from work to get the mortgage company to understand that my job and office were moving with me when we relocated to Chicago. The setup has been wonderful.
We had to take down one of the shelves the previous owner had installed to accommodate my Thunderbolt Display when my desk is in its standing position. Yes, I’m one of those guys that spends a good chunk of the day standing at my desk. I find that it makes me more productive and actually helps my back. I used to make DJs stand in the booth at the radio station when I was the Director of Operations back in my radio days. I always liked standing but some would get cranky.
There’s no standing for cranky in my outfit.
I’ve combined my work-at-home office with my pilot storage area. In the old house these were in two different locations but in our condo my office doubles as a man cave.
I am without complaint.
Fire.
You know, I really should thank Donald Trump. Now, mind you I can’t still bring myself to put the words “President” and “Trump” together in a sentence and I will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. If in his presence I would never call him “Mr. President”. I’m not sure I wouldn’t spit on him, but I really should thank the man before I do so.
During the Obama years things felt fairly comfortable. The country seemed to be moving in a forward direction. Sick people were getting taken care of, thanks to the Affordable Care Act. Marriage was available to all. Though we weren’t putting a great deal of money into the Space Program, I felt like we might be able to obtain that Star Trek existence after all.
But then Donald Trump was elected into office due to sheer idiocy on all sides of the equation and all hell has broken loose. And since that day after Election Day, when I took time off from work and drove down to New York to protest with others in front of Trump Tower, I have had a fire in my belly like I haven’t felt since the days of ACT-UP back when I lived in Boston in the late 1980s.
In the seemingly endless nearly eight months since Trump was sworn into office we’ve seen countless displays of sheer stupidity coming out of Washington. Sheer stupidity fueled by evil intentions. Efforts to repress any sort of minority that doesn’t meet the criteria laid out of who is a true American as defined by a bunch of old white men currently holding office in Washington, D.C. The United States is better than the people’s representation today and I have to thank Donald Trump for showing me that I had become apathetic. His buffoonery and horrible leadership has demonstrated that the progress I saw during President Obama’s administration was only on the surface and that the racism, homophobia and other detrimental qualities of this country still run deep.
So thank you, Donald Trump. I no longer tolerate people that support you. I no longer just grimace and stay silent if someone makes a racist joke in my presence. I am ready, willing and able to boycott whatever company supports your outdated, harmful and hateful policies. As of this writing, I’ve got my eye on these companies: Campbell’s Soup, Pepsi and Dell.
I also have to thank you, Donald Trump, for continually reminding us about Hillary Clinton and the obviously strong impact she made on your psyche. When I see, hear, or think of Hillary Clinton, I am reminded that there are good people out there. Not all politicians are as deplorable as you are. So, please, by all means, keep bringing her name up.
Keep reminding us who won the popular vote. We all know who should have really been President of the United States. And it wasn’t the Nazi that ran as a publicity stunt.
