Ponderings and Musings

It is currently 3:54 a.m. in the Eastern Time Zone and I am wide awake. This is just lovely. I actually just did some work because I had some work things on my mind and I wanted to get them off my mind. I think I’m nuts.

I have noticed that when I am awake in the middle of the night and struggling with a bout of insomnia, I tend to write in a little more rambling style. This blog entry is an example of that. The words easily find their way to the keyboard after being formulated in my head, but it’s my brain that is thinking in more staccato terms.

I know why I’m awake right now. It’s because I fell asleep on the couch after supper. Earl likes “The X-Factor” and I sat down to get away from the computer and I promptly fell asleep. That was around 8:00 p.m. Possibly 8:30, so naturally, I woke up at 2:10 this morning and tossed and turned until coming down into my office and doing some work.

In reality, I need to get up in 94 minutes and get ready for the workday, because the work that I have done during this bout of insomnia doesn’t really count in the grand scheme of things. This kind of makes me sad, because I believe that outside of conference calls and meetings, I should be able to work whenever I feel the need to, as long as I am meeting my commitments and getting the things done that need to get done. It’s like a warring of paradigms; the old corporate rigidity that has been ingrained in many generations through the use of school “bell schedules” as children versus the more creative folks that think nothing of eating a roast beef dinner for breakfast, showering at 5:00 p.m. and doing their most creative, productive work when the rest of world is asleep per the schedule that has been dictated to them.

Such complexity in this increasingly complex world.

So it has been all over the news that Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce after 72 days or something like that. This is the “reality” television “celebrity” that spent millions of dollars for a ridiculously lavish wedding, received some sort of payment through her “reality” ventures for having the wedding and now she is getting a divorce. The fact that this is news is ill-making to me.

I am so glad that hate-based organizations such as the National Organization for Marriage is saving us from the terror of same-sex marriage, because the heterosexual folks are doing such a cracker jack job at maintaining the sanctity of it all. In reality (without the quotes), I wish these folks would find something better to do. Truth be known, like Kim Karadashian and people of her ilk, I wish these folks would just fade away back into their banal, mundane lives.

Before New York State legalized same-sex marriage I was only mildly interested in the topic. I was happy to see other states recognizing the rights of all of their citizens, and I hoped that New York would do the same thing, but there was a part of me that figured that since Earl and I had been together for 15 years and we were fully committed to staying that way until we passed on from this life, we didn’t really need the validation associated with marriage.

My gods, was I dead wrong on that.

I was playing Words With Friends with our friend Matt from Toronto the other day. He recently married his partner, Anthoney, in a ceremony in western Ontario. Words With Friends has a little chat feature built in and a simple message bubble popped up:

It feels different, doesn’t it.

You know what? I didn’t think it would feel different to be legally married but it does. It really does. There is a part of me that can’t believe that I am married. I am still floored when people at work, folks that I rarely talk to or know, come up to me and congratulate me when they hear the news on the grapevine, even in this small, rather conservative little town that I work in.

My day is a little bit brighter in the morning knowing that my in-laws are not just “in-laws” but they’re really in-laws. My existence has improved ten-fold knowing that I am legally married to the man that bounces around in the bed so much when he’s sleeping that I need a permanent supply of Dramamine. The fireworks are brighter, bigger and louder than ever before. I feel like a little kid again, discovering love all over for the first time. My world changed the moment I uttered the words “I do” in front of the wonderful group of family and friends that witnessed the moment. I still tear up when I picture the joy my sister had when she read her reading at the ceremony or I think of the words my brother-in-law Dave said in the toast at dinner.

The woman that conducted our ceremony, Emily VanLaeys, has said some beautiful things about our wedding ceremony and what she saw in the bond between the Earl and me. Many have said over the years that it’s obvious that we have a love that will last forever. Earl and I agreed to that long ago. And now we have the legal backing to prove it.

I get that there are folks that don’t understand why folks of the same gender would want to be married. These folks are most likely not gay or lesbian, so how would they know what it’s like to be attracted to the same sex? It’s when they try to convince people that something that they don’t understand is wrong is where I take issue. You shouldn’t try to legislate against something that you don’t understand. And you shouldn’t try to take away from the rest of the world that what you failed at or have never found. The world does not need another helping of bitter from these folks. Let’s celebrate happiness and help find those that haven’t found it, find it.

One of the wishes on my short list is that everyone can experience the love that Earl and I feel for one another, regardless of sexual orientation. A newer wish on the short list is that all those people get to feel the feeling of being legally married as I do today, regardless of their sexual orientation or where they are living. Someday, somehow, I know it’s going to happen. During the ceremony, Emily said, “the world is becoming a better place, one small step at a time.” I wish the steps were a little bigger and the destination was a little closer, but I’m going to do what I can to help make it happen.

The other day I noticed something about the new Jeep. Because it has a removable hard top, rain makes a wonderful sound as it taps on the roof. It is a beautiful pitter patter sound that I find very relaxing. I didn’t notice this until Monday or Tuesday morning when I arrived at work and took a few moments to gather my thoughts before going in to install myself in my cubicle for the day. With the motor off, all electronic accessories stowed and seats in their upright position, sitting in the Jeep during a rain storm is actually a calming experience for me.

One of the things I loved about being a kid was that during my single digits our family lived in a mobile home. It wasn’t particularly large as mobile homes go, even with the addition my father had added with the arrival of my sister but it had a wonderful metal roof that announced the arrival of every rain drop. At least in the original part, where my bedroom was located. Sleeping on the top bunk really put you up close and personal with this delightful sound. I missed it when we moved to the house my father built across the street.

I guess the love for the pitter patter still lingers in this old kid.

I have to change things up once in a while.

First of all, I want to say thanks for the words of support via email and your comments in regards to the lack of equality displayed when it comes to Earl and me sharing health benefits. There is a bright side to the story; the company that Earl currently works for is merging with a bigger company, which has a much more equal benefits package available. In fact, the new company gets high marks on the Human Rights Campaign’s ratings of these sort of things, so we are going to make out just fine. It is quite sad, though, that his current company chooses to look for loopholes so that they can remain ignorantly in the dark ages when it comes to these things.

As I mentioned in the first sentence of this blog entry, I have to change things up once in a while. The Big Project at work has been getting me down and I am finding myself in a rut. Sleep, eat, go to work, Dunkin’ Donuts iced tea, work, drive home, wave to the occupants of the buggy, eat and sleep. Enjoy an opportunity of hanky panky when the big climax isn’t a snore (sorry about that, sweetheart). The lack of light when I get up in the morning, coupled with the increasing stresses of work has put me into a funk that I need to find my way out of. To foster this growth, I change a few little things here and there to make life seem a little more interesting in my own eccentric way. For example, I did not go to my usual Dunkin’ Donuts today for lunch. I made my way to the next town over and went to that one and then I went into that restaurant for the first time instead of barking into the speaker from the driver’s seat. This particular Dunkin’ Donuts is an old bank and still has that basic layout (I think they make the donuts in the old vault, but I can’t be certain). I kind of wish that they would use both lanes of the drive thru so I could see my iced tea woosh down through one of the tube-transport devices that have always fascinated me, but they only opt for lane 1 where the drawer has been replaced by a typical drive thru window.

This morning I kicked off my day by drinking a strawberry Slim-Fast shake instead of going for my usual Wednesday morning breakfast of dry waffles. Calories balanced out for the most part but can I tell you that not only do I dislike strawberry Slim-Fast shakes, but I fucking dislike the strawberry flavor. Pink liquid as a beverage is just weird to me. With the stress of work has come stress eating, a habit that I am not proud of, so I thought that I should shake shake shake some Slim-Fast and remind my body as to who is boss. I guess the McRib I alluded to yesterday will have to wait until the weekend.

I have a few more changes planned in the near future and it is these things that excite me and make me take interest in what’s passing itself off as life. One of the ironies about the Big Project at work is that it is changing every single process, tool and way of doing things that we do at work, but I don’t particularly agree with this so that change isn’t giving me the pep that I need to cope with making the change.

It’s better to start with the little things.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Last night Earl and I went to “the Loud House”, the Carrier Dome in Syracuse to watch the Orange take on West Virginia. It was an excellent game… the guys played well and we trounced West Virginia 49-23.

When we got to the game, along with 147 (at that time)¹ other people, I checked into Foursquare. The latest version of Foursquare lets you check into a particular event (like a game or a movie or a Broadway show). Near the end of the game, I got this email:

Now, many would find this creepy but remember I checked into Foursquare so they had a definitive way of knowing I was there. I understand that it’s a marketing tool and nothing more, but nonetheless I was happy to see this email. It made me feel part of something. And that’s how good marketing is suppose to work: not overly intrusive, make the user feel good and make the user feel like they belong.

I love with when marketing organizations ‘get it’ when it comes to technology.

¹ The official attendance at the Dome last night was 45,285. Earl and I bonded even more with the fellow season ticket holders around us. Go ‘Cuse!

I grew up in a retail environment. One side of the family owned a hardware store/lumber yard/contracting business and for the most part it was family that worked at the business. I started slinging lumber at 14 and then made my way into the office area along my grandparents, dad and later my aunt. It was this environment that piqued my interest in computers because the lack thereof; it was a good opportunity to learn how things work instead of “just making it work” through computer use.

However, even though this retail environment fostered my geekiness, there was actually something much more important that I learned during this time that has stuck with me all these years. It is the concept of “I”.

When a customer entered the store and approached, they were asked a simple question. “What can we do for you today?” The question was asked with enthusiasm and naturally implied that there was a team of folks hidden in the walls of that old mill that were anxious to help the customer. I remember my grandfather sitting me down one time when I asked, “Can I help you?” instead of “What can we do for you today?” It was one of a handful of times that I can remember that he wasn’t yelling or ranting about something to me; instead he calmly explained the difference between “I” and “we”, especially when it came to teamwork in a retail environment. “You don’t own the store. You don’t own the sale. Many people will have contributed to getting the customer what he wants. You don’t help the customer, WE do.”

That’s what has stuck with me ever since.

I bristle when I hear someone run contrary to this concept. It makes me doubt their sincerity. For example, Earl and I recently asked about a dessert menu at a local restaurant. The reply was, “I have coconut cream pie, apple pie, ice cream”, the list went on but I tuned her out a little bit. I wanted to ask if she had baked the pies herself. Had she picked the apples? Did she buy the coconuts?

As part of a growing team at work, I get irked by the same thing. “I told him that I could get that done for him.” I wanted to reply, “if you can get that done, then why are you coming to me to build the database for you?” I might be a little cantankerous but I believe that if you say that _you_ can do it, then go ahead and do it. Plus, as I mentioned before it flakes out my trust in the situation just a little bit. It’s a personal thing, but I think it’s important. That’s why it’s stuck with me all these years.

Once in a while I find myself thinking along the lines of “I” instead of “we” in various team environments at work. I then remember the talk I had with my grandfather about it and try to get back on track before he starts hollering from the other side. After all, I wouldn’t be worth much at work if I wasn’t part of a bigger team and lord knows I don’t want Gramps yelling from the great beyond.

I want him to snicker instead. Snickering was good.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The alarm clock on the nightstand started playing a classical selection in HD radio high-fidelity. Since the actual clock part of the clock radio is obscured because modern technology demands that clocks use bright displays instead of the older LED displays, I squint to look at the older clock on the other side of the room. It’s 5:30 a.m. Time to get up.

I hop out of bed, do my business in the master bath, put on my bathroom and look out the window. The moon is shining brightly and I can see quite a few stars in the sky. It looks cold. The neighbor’s kitchen window is lighting up the side lawn. There is no sign of any sort of sunrise.

It’s 5:30 a.m. This is a traditional time for farmers to get up and get moving. It’s when the garbage men come by on their truck, it’s when the tractor trailer drivers start moving their goods from point A to point B along the interstate. 5:30 a.m. The start of the day for many. And because of the newish yet obscenely outdated Daylight Saving Time law, the start of the day takes place in the darkness of night.

Yesterday I mentioned in one of my blog entries that I love the magic this time of the year brings. Part of that magic is stepping out into the darkened world after a long workday and a nice supper with the family and listening to the wind rustle the trees. It is a time for peace, for meditation and for reflection on the day’s events.

But we are trying to do everything backwards.

I often hear that we have Daylight Saving Time because the farmers love it. This is a crock of manure. The farmers don’t like getting up in the dark anymore than us office dwellers do. The cows are still sleeping, the chickens are still sleeping and we should still be sleeping. I believe humans are wired to arise with the sunrise, for the most part, and getting out of bed before the sun has made an appearance for the day starts us off on the wrong foot. For many folks, myself included, this includes an unnecessarily early start to the normally-reserved-for-winter Seasonal Affectation Disorder, we start to get depressed.

All so that Americans can think that they’re enjoying a longer day.

We don’t really save energy with Daylight Saving Time anymore. We burn just as much light trying to see where we are going no matter what time of day it is and because we are trying to stay active in the after work hours, we burn more fossil fuels than if we just stayed home and enjoyed an evening with the family.

My existence in Daylight Saving Time is like living in a constant state of jet-lag, especially at this time of year when it has been extended an extra week or two. I know that my mood and disposition will be brighter once our clocks are in relative sync with the sun.

Until then, I’ll just talk about my discomfort a lot.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad