Ponderings and Musings

Impressions.

Earl and I still have the death of Jamey Rodemeyer, the 14 year old teen that committed suicide last Sunday as a result of bullying because of his sexual orientation, on our minds. Because the death took place relatively close to home with business connections with Jamey’s mother, Earl and I (and Jamie and Scott) have been wondering what we can do to help make the world a better place. Earl has organized donation efforts within his company and I am helping out in that department as well. We’ve agreed that perhaps the best thing to do is to continue be who we are with no apologies and for me to contribute where I can, even through this blog thingee here. Many others do the same thing, I am hardly unique, and hopefully the right words will reach the right person at the right time and a fatal loss can be averted. Education is always important.

I have been thinking about my high school years a little bit. As I mention on the “It Gets Better” video I made earlier this year, I don’t remember having an awfully rough time at it in high school. Yes, I was teased and I sure didn’t have much in the way of self-confidence, but for the most part I was able to shrug off how people were taunting me and exist in my own little reality until those that taunted me grew up. I also surrounded myself with a good group of friends. It’s a common path for gay teens and luckily the majority of us make it to realize that it does indeed get better. There are two particular incidents that stick out in my mind, though, that I don’t know that I have ever written down.

The first one I remember took place when I was a sophomore. It was the beginning of sixth period and biology class was just starting. The teacher was a man in his mid 40s with wild hair and a disheveled appearance. He was undoubtedly a football player back in his glory days. He used the same overhead projector slides every year and his dittos were always so light because he recycled the same material year after year. He was mechanical in his teaching and I didn’t really connect with him very well. Animals in the biology room were rarely in their cage, we’d often see guinea pigs crawling around on the floor during class.

The clock over his head said 12:21 and he was kicking off the lesson of the day. In a big booming voice he said, “Mr. Wing. Do you know what a homosexual is?”

The eyes of the 25 classmates around me all shot in my direction and there were several smirks. I instantly turned beet red and stammered and stuttered a little bit. An anonymous voice tittered, “of course he does.”

The eyes remained on me as did the those that belonged to the teacher. He wanted an answer. The moments seemed like they went on for hours. I started to speak and the disheveled man answered for me, “A homosexual is a human being that enjoys the sexual company of the same sex.”

I have no idea what he said the rest of the class. Small wonder I missed passing the state exam by one point. Not only was I very embarrassed by this small exchange, it was the talk of the rest of the afternoon. I decided I would never like this teacher nor if his wife wasn’t out on maternity leave, would I ever like her. I never spoke about this to anyone. Not my folks, not my friends. The person that shared the lab table with me leaned over at the end of class and simply said, “That wasn’t very nice of him.” We’d been in school together since kindergarten. She lifted my spirits from zero to 10 on a scale from 1 to 100. Her comment made me not be afraid of ever going to school again, for I felt like some sort of marked man.

Like many college bound high schoolers in my class, I took the accelerated social studies program my sophomore and junior year of high school. To make up for skipping World History I and cramming American Studies I a semester early, we had to make up a missed credit by taking our choice of either Ethics or Psychology the latter half of our junior year, as long as it was Ethics.

The discussion was about our personal ethics and the teacher, a hippie of the 60s and 70s generation, after a lecture about personal ethics and forming our own code that we would live our life based upon, had us put our desks into a circle so that we could have a round-table discussion. We would go around the room and discuss our beliefs and interject comments about each other. I was the first one up.

I started by saying that I was a good person and I believed that one could do anything once they put their mind to it. A classmate spoke up, we’ll call him Fred to keep him anonymous.

“John isn’t really going to go far in this world because of the way that he is.”

I looked down. I knew what he was talking about. There was no guinea pig walking across the floor this time.

“With this new disease and the fact that no one would really hire a sick person, he’ll never be a teacher. Who’d trust a guy like that to be their kid’s teacher?”

Another classmate spoke. The girl next to me said, “Just look at the way he talks and walks. You can hear it in his voice. Who’d elect him for office?”

I reached for the class ring that hung around my neck. It belonged to my girlfriend at the time, but she was more friend than anything. I had no interest to go any further. It was evident that I wasn’t fooling anyone.

A third chimed in, “It’s not like John can join the military or even work as a farmer. Unless he’s a florist.”

I looked down at my hands. I tried to steal the glance of another boy in the room, another one that I just knew was like me, but he wouldn’t look at me. He was looking out the window. The teacher spoke to gain control of the conversation.

The next thing I remember is the bell ringing. I was still looking at my hands. Everyone made a bee-line for the cafeteria since it was lunch time. I got up to walk out after everyone had left and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s talk”, it was the hippie teacher. He made his way to the office.

“Are you okay?”

I burst into tears. Within two minutes, another teacher was in the office with me. She was the special education teacher for the entire school. I didn’t know her that well but apparently she had been briefed on what had just transpired.

“You know, you are very special in many ways, John. You are one of the most talented students I’ve ever seen in this school.” Our paths had crossed only once before, she had helped out with the school musical. The only other words she had ever said to me directly were during rehearsals, “wow you can fill this auditorium with your voice.”

“It’s okay to be different. I’m different. I’m in love with Herman and he’s the plant on my desk.”

I sniffled back the tears and laughed a little.

She said some more words to me that made me feel better. “Just be true to yourself. You’ll find your way and people will finally get you. Look at me, people get me and I’m nuts.”

I never had that teacher named Karen, but she probably made the most impact on my high school career. It’s funny about those teachers named Karen, another by the same name got me for who I was. It’s a good thing that she filled in for the regular teacher on maternity leave the year before.

I went into the cafeteria after grabbing my lunch. The other classmate that I had spied looking out the window asked if I was okay. I told him I would be fine and let it lie at that.

We never did continue that personal ethics discussion. The next day we moved on to something else and I have no idea what it was.

All of those impressions have lingered with me. Being singled out by a teacher, the confidence rattling of the comments of my classmates. But the one thing that stuck with me the most was what the teacher I never had said to me, “Look at me, people get me and I’m nuts.”

It’s okay to be me.

Glass.

I tend to become slightly obsessed about little things. For example, I used to work with a woman who put a period at the end of her signature. She’d sign her name and then plop a dot at the end of it. Since we all had to sign the same logs day after day, I’d see her signature there with that annoying plop of punctuation at the end of it. It drove me crazy. I pointed out to her that her name is not a sentence. She told me I was right and she would change her way.

She started signing the log with just her initials, even though it said “Full Name” at the top of the column. The plop of a period remained.

I ended up quitting that job for something better: a place without rampant abuse of punctuation.

I can be a little obsessive.

McDonalds is running a promotion in where you get a free Coke glass when you buy a large value meal. The glasses come in green, blue, purple, brown and clear. I love these glasses because they have some heft to them and I like the way they feel in my hand. Now they’re not as good as the lead painted glasses we got back in the 70s from Carrols, those glasses you could literally die for if you licked them hard enough but how they’ve become collector’s items.

I don’t know that the McDonalds glasses will become collector’s items but I’m determined to stock our cupboard with at least two of each color variation. Always trying to find a better body, I have been avoiding large value meals, or value meals of any type for that matter, but I scarfed one down on Saturday night and scored a glass. I was rewarded with my first purple one.

On Sunday we stopped at a McDonalds for a quick drink. I asked the person at the counter if I could just buy a glass and she answered in the affirmative. But they were out of clear ones (the only one I really needed), so I added another blue glass to the collection.

Today I stopped at the McDonalds near work for my lunchtime iced tea and an absolutely horrible thing happened. They are not participating in this Coca-Cola glass promotion.

I almost jumped up on the counter and started screaming like a wild man. Here I was, buried in a line of people that seem shocked when given the total of their order to the point that they’re overwhelmed by the concept of having their money out of their pocket ahead of time and there is no promised glass at the end of monotony of this ordering process. What the hell is wrong with these people? Do they not watch their own, never ending commercials on television? Do they not realize that not only will I soon have a complete set of glasses for a dinner party of 16? Do they not understand that these glasses look good in all situations, whether in a formal dining room or in the room at the ass end of a mobile home?

I was going to say something snappy and witty to the disinterested counter person but I decided not to and instead of I gave the change she threw at me to the Ronald McDonald House fund.

Instead I just glared at her.

Paradigms.

The QWERTY keyboard we all know and love as it allows us to communicate with our computer was designed to slow you down in typing speed. Did you know that? The reason the QWERTY keyboard is laid out the way it is is so that you don’t find an occasion to type letters that are next to each other very often and that you have to reach around a bit to type commonly used words. Using this design prevented early typewriters from jamming their strike bars as a result of speedy typing. The need for this keyboard arrangement is long gone, yet we continue to teach people this antiquated keyboard layout instead of adopting something new, like the Dvorak keyboard. I don’t have the nerve to try Dvorak keyboard as I’m probably one of the fastest typists you’ll ever meet (and I say that with the utmost confidence), but I hear that if I was able to learn the alternate keyboard I could be even a faster typist. My 43-year old brain has been using the same muscle memory for typing since I was 7. It’s the old dog, new tricks thing.

Imagine what the world would be like today if we had the courage to try new things. Perhaps we could more than two realistic (and I use that term loosely) choices for President of the United States. Perhaps we could elect a leader based on their merits instead of how much money they funneled into a campaign to be the brightest and shiniest.

If we took a leap out of our safety nets or a step outside of our comfort zones, we might find the courage to say “hello” to that stranger on the street looks like they’re having a bad day. Maybe I’d discover that I don’t mind eating eggs. Perhaps life wouldn’t feel so boring as we strive to grow by doing the same thing over and over again. It’s like leaping out of an airplane: trust the parachute and enjoying flying like a bird. You’ll eventually be grounded again.

At age 20, when I sat down at my first staff meeting as a brand-new employee of the second largest computer company in the world, I was told that we needed to shift the paradigm of computing. We needed to approach everything from a different angle. We needed to step back from our green screens and introduce users to a world outside of typing commands at a command prompt. Our job was to help people connect through voice, video and data. It was then that I was first introduced to the phrase “paradigm shift”. That meeting meant a lot to me both professionally and personally. The lessons live within me today.

I never thought I would see the day that I would be able to marry the love of my life. I never thought that my watch would be more powerful than the first computer I used. I never thought I would enjoy the off-key singing of Journey tunes coming from the car currently parked next to me in the parking lot. But I love all of it.

Opening your eyes, looking for a different angle and smiling through it all. Now that’s a concept I can get into.

Waterline.

Things are finally drying out after the two rounds of flooding we’ve had courtesy of Irene and Lee. Our backyard is still quite squishy; there’s no way we can put a ladder up right now to fill one of the bird feeders because it would just sink right down into the lawn. Safety and all that.

During a geek-inspired ride yesterday (to see some new road signs awaiting delivery at a local sign manufacturing facility), I pulled over and took a picture of the trees along one of the roads that was heavily flooded. This particular area is notorious for flooding in even typical spring conditions so I wasn’t surprised to see the height of the flood water line, which looked to be about four feet above the road surface.

I find it ironic that this particular piece of land has a real estate sign on it, advertising it’s availability for residential or commercial development. The sign is relatively new. I imagine that interest in using this land for this purpose is rather low, buildings up on stilts are not all that common in these parts, even on land that is situated between the Mohawk River and the Barge Canal.

I hope the land doesn’t get developed simply because the animals might like to play along the shores of the water too.

Goodies.

I was able to drive home my normal commuting route yesterday for the first time in a while. With all the flooding and such that has been going on this week many of the roads have been closed. I was happy to see that the Amish Baked Goods stand was open.

Another car pulled up to the small building ahead of me. They stopped to talk to one of the Amish men before making their way to the items for sale. As I looked over the goods, I noticed that there was just one pie for sale. It was an apple pie. I purchased that right away, along with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. The girl working the stand was the same girl that has been working there right along. She isn’t much of a conversationalist, but she did look me in the eyes when she said the only two words spoken to me, “You’re welcome”. I was happy to hear that we had progressed to two words, last time it was just “Yes”.

As I made gathered up the goodies and started back to the Jeep, the other couple made their way to the stand. I heard the woman exclaim, “Oh, pickles!”

I hope the stand is open for a few more weeks. The weather is perfect for a quick stop there before the weekend.

Philanthropy.

It is no secret that Apple makes billions and billions of dollars profit on all their iDevices. They frequently bounce around the top 3 list of companies based on their value. They have tons of cash because they’re good at what they do.

While I believe they are giving back to the human experience by giving people quality ways to connect to one another through their iDevices, they’re not as active in philanthropic efforts as one would hope they would be. This is one of the reasons that I occasionally consider switching back to the Microsoft platform; the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is dedicated to bringing innovations in health, development, and learning to the global community (description taken from the website). Bill and Melinda are using a good chunk of their fortune to make important changes in the world. I like this, and this is the reason I have quite a few pieces of Microsoft hardware in my toy box.

I mention from time to time that I have a keen interest in Linux, the free, open-source operating system alternative to Windows and Mac OS X. While it pertains to my geek side very much, I also enjoy Linux, particularly Ubuntu, because it’s very design allows one to take an older, discarded computer and turn it into a relevant contributor again. This, in turn, keeps computers out of our landfills that much longer and allows us to send these machines that were deemed not powerful enough to places where they might not be able to afford it. They may not be the latest and greatest nor the shiniest, but they work just fine and are able to importing things in regards to research, education and the like. And as a quick plug for Linux: No Viruses!

It makes me happy to see that Apple’s new CEO Tim Cook is starting to turn the philanthropic philosophy at Apple around a little bit. I hope he continues that trend. As I get older and because I have the luxury to do so, I am start to consider these types of efforts more in my purchasing decisions. I am also pursuing Linux at home actively again, not because it’s a badge of honour for a geek to be using Linux, but because I have the ability to contribute to the various Linux projects, including Ubuntu, and if I can help make the experience better for the user, then maybe someone somewhere using Linux for an important cause out their in the wild will be able to do what they need to do that much easier.

I have started a little computer journey in the effort of using my skills to give back to the world. I am a lucky geek in that I get to play with technology for my job with a company that keeps people connected with one another. By contributing to various Linux based projects and by sharing my experiences and educating people, I strive to help others to stop thinking about how the computer works and instead focus on using their computer as simply a tool to achieve what they really need to achieve.

The new blog is located at thetechbear.blogspot.com. (Update: link fixed, thanks Erik)

A number of years ago, as I sat with my cousin in a hospital waiting room, wondering if my sister was going to make it through her battle with Legionella and come out in one piece, I remarked that I needed start doing more to contribute to the human experience and to make the world a better place. I suppose everyone says that sort of thing when a loved one is sick and they have lots of time to think and worry while waiting in a hospital. The important thing is to actually take the action and do something, using their natural skills and abilities.

When we do that, I believe we truly can make the world a better place.

Floods.

Work is chaotic today. Several co-workers were unable to get to work due to the flooding from the constant rain of the past 48 hours; rain that added to the already swollen rivers and creeks that were still quite impressive after Hurricane Irene.

I noticed that there were hardly any cars on the road this morning, especially when I drove through the small village of St. Johnsville. Turns out that I wasn’t suppose to be on the road in Montgomery County; all the roads have been closed and they are ticketing drivers if they are creating non-essential traffic. I guess I was lucky, the only other vehicle I encountered in Montgomery County was a horse and buggy. I don’t think the Amish drivers heard the news since they don’t have radio and all. The horse seemed happy.

They are now really cracking down on traffic on the roads today though, so I have no idea how I’m going to get home. The alternate back route that I usually take doesn’t pass through Montgomery County but the bridges over the West Canada Creek are closed due to flooding. I might have to make a scenic trip through the Adirondacks if I want a home-cooked meal tonight. Many others at work commute a similar distance, albeit from a different direction. They are planning their routes out as well.

When I was illegally passing through St. Johnsville this morning I noticed that the marina along the Barge (Erie) Canal had flooded so bad that the docks were no longer visible. Some boats looked to be floating over where the docks should be. The statue that stands next to the little lighthouse had water up to it’s neck.

Luckily the building I work in is in the foothills of the Adirondacks, so we are high up in the terrain. There is a reason I have always told Earl that I never want to live in the valley. I need to be up on top of hills so I can see what’s going on.

And so we don’t float away. Godspeed to those that are having much, much worse experiences with the floods today. I hope they are safe.

– I am crossing my fingers and praying to the digital mecca that this has been a successful instance of using BlogPress from my iPad

Weather.

It has rained a lot since Tuesday. Our backyard continues to be flooded.

We have had some very impressive weather over the past couple of weeks: the remnants of a hurricane, an earthquake, a nearby tornado and of course lots and lots of rain. Many are telling us that this is a sign from God that He is not pleased. While I have a hard time believing that an all-loving, all-benevolent force would be so vengeful, I can see Mother Nature trying to nudge us a little bit to let us know that she’s not going to put up with our destructive ways much longer.

People tell me that this weather is just part of the cycle, the natural order of things. That’s all well and good and I can buy that, but sometimes I wonder if we are in the part of the cycle where we go from rinse to spin and the junk goes down the drain.

Pride.

I have the luxury of working for a company that I believe in. Not everyone has that luxury these days, heck, there’s too many people that don’t have the luxury of working at all. Hopefully someone will figure out how to fix that little issue that’s plaguing our country. I hope it’s in my lifetime.

But, as a gainfully employed web developer, I have to say that I am rather proud of some of the philosophies of the company that I work for. I work for the largest rural telephone company in the United States. As a company that has grown leaps and bounds of the past 10 years through various acquisitions, the latest being a sizeable chunk of Verizon’s former landline business, Frontier Communications provides voice and data communications to many of the harder to reach places in the country. That in itself is kind of cool.

One of the driving forces of Frontier is community engagement. Our internal communications are packed with photographs, articles and the like of the company doing something, somewhere for the community. Blood drives, shelters, scholarship funds and the like are just the tip of the iceberg. Again, another cool thing.

When I walk into the main entrance at work, I can’t help but notice the latest poster on display. Frontier prides itself on being a 100% U.S.-based workforce. Everything is based in the country; we are as “Made In America” as telephone and internet service can be. If you call in with a trouble, you’ll speak to someone in the states. Our women named Peggy are really women and they don’t fake an American accent. I kind of like the idea of working for a company that is striving to keep it’s workforce U.S. based. In addition, and here’s the part that I really like, Frontier is going out of it’s way to hire men and women that have served in the Armed Forces. So many of our soldiers are coming home to find they have nothing, it’s good to work for a company that is striving to give them something.

Giving back and making a difference are big priorities when I’m looking for my next employment opportunity. I have to feel good about the work we do. I’ve been my position for over 18 months and I have to say, I’m still kind of diggin’ it for many, many reasons.

– I am crossing my fingers and praying to the digital mecca that this has been a successful instance of using BlogPress from my iPad