July 10, 2024

I’ve been very pensive this week. I suppose it’s that time of year; I take stock of where I am in my life and what I want to do with whatever time I have left. These are things that consume many cycles of my brainpower at any given time. It just feels like that in the mid part of any given year it feels like it consumes a little more of my time.

I would like to say this photo was randomly snapped and it just happened to catch the moment of me lost in my thoughts. But in reality, I set up the camera and just set it to capture a bunch of photos while I went back to being lost in my thoughts. It’s a good thing I don’t pay for film processing anymore. That’s one of the great things about today’s technology and art.

While I was on my pre-sunrise walk this morning I found myself caught up in a game of “shoulda coulda woulda”. I then quickly realized that game is not productive and is a waste of mental energy. I am here, right now, because I was meant to be right here, right now. It’s the way of the Universe.

I think part of my pensiveness is because I’ve been wondering what I want to do with the YouTube endeavor I’ve been recently endeavoring. At the end of the day I just want it to be a creative outlet. Any creativity I want to share is still shared with enthusiasm, regardless of the feedback or the number of eyeballs that see it. That’s what’s most important to me; the creative process, not any adulation around the result. Typing out this last paragraph has helped me regain my perspective.

As I sit here, in my mid 50s, I’m sometimes a little sad to realize that the magic I once sought as a youngster isn’t really there. Maybe I was looking for magic over Dorothy’s rainbow or something. But then the adult version of me realizes that attitude is a little pessimistic and I remember that we find the magic we seek, no matter where it is.

I need to remember to keep seeking that magic. I’ll find it.