February 6, 2013

So The Weather Channel is already getting breathless about the snow that is expected to hit the region this weekend. They’ve named the storm and everything. Quite frankly, I think the Weather Channel is a completely assinine organization and a strong indicator of everything that is wrong with our society today. Be scared! Be afraid! Buy everything we throw at you in an advertisement! Support our advertisers! Watch for more! Be afraid! Very afraid! Boo!

I am actually looking forward to the storm. Since they’re predicting anywhere from 1/8″ to up to 24″ of snow for our area, I’m hoping that we’ll get more than that so I can go out in the Jeep and drive around, making videos and taking pictures and posting them to the Internet so I can say, “See! This is how the big boys play in the snow!”. Then I’ll laugh maniacally.

The bad part of this storm is that it’s coming up the coast and it’s going to hit New York City, which means the bloggers will get all hysterical, Rosie O’Donnell will be paralyzed with fear about the whole thing¹ and the national news anchors will look sad because their limos in midtown couldn’t make it to 30 Rock in time for a martini downstairs before they had to go on camera.

We’ll be driving around in the Jeep yelling “neener neener” into a video camera.

If you’re passing through the area on the Thruway during the storm and have absolutely no idea of what to do during a “named” winter storm (who’s idiotic idea was that?), please stay home. Use the time to pack up and move to Florida. We don’t want you up here anyways. We have places to go and people to see and we’re not going to let a little snowstorm slow us down.

¹ Per Twitter, apparently Rosie “panicked” when the lights went out during the Superbowl. Because she was sitting in Nyack. Get a grip.