3 Comments

Drive.

I am really starting to fear for American society. Over the past decade or so it’s become rather chic to have an IQ that in yesteryear would have been described as “a dull normal.” I’m reminded of the movie “Idiocracy”, where one of the folks from the future tells the time traveler that he has to stop that “fag talk” or people will beat him up. The time traveler is speaking in our everyday version of American English. He opts to use complete sentences and everything.

I recently watched a video where a woman said, “fruits and vegetables are miraculous because you can grow them. If you put seeds in the ground, fruits and vegetables will grow right there.” The tone of surprise in her voice indicated that she had never comprehended this before in her, and this is only an estimate, 20 to 25 years on the planet. This was something that she had just learned and she wanted to share.

One has to look no further than the battleground we call “The American Highway” to see examples of the downfall of our society. What was once the thrilling adventure of driving your merry Oldsmobile has turned into a ride through insanity much like the boat ride in the Chocolate Factory (chicken head notwithstanding). When did the concept of “Right on Red” become such a scary idea? Earl constantly reminds me that turning right on red is an option, it is not against the law to pass on that option and that no one is obligated to turn right on red. Okay, I get that, I guess, but when did it become such a scary venture to make a right hand turn in your vehicle when no other vehicles are headed towards your intended path of travel? I have been trying to find a trend in which drivers get scared about this whole right on red thing and I think it has something to do with the “right turn only” sign, the one with the big arrow pointing to the right and the word “ONLY” underneath it. For some reason, folks seem to think that this means that they can only turn right when the light is green.

Right on red works like a stop sign, except with a nifty light instead of a dull, bland, metal sign. You approach the intersection, come to a stop as directed and then, if everything is clear, you proceed in your intended direction of travel, which should be to the right, since you’re making a right on red. It’s not difficult. If you can’t navigate that, you should be in the institution counting widgets and looking forward to the day that you can be rewarded with using double digit numbers.

Don’t even get me started with the bozo that’s printing up bumper stickers that say “I CHOOSE NOT TO TURN RIGHT ON RED”. I’ll have to print up a bumper sticker that says “I CHOOSE TO REWARD YOUR IDIOCY BY NOT THROWING A MALLET THROUGH YOUR WINDSHIELD.”

Another sign of Creeping Idiocy is the need to mark every, single, stinking hazard with some sort of icon. There is a picture of a man and a snowblower near the chute on our snowblower. Said man is reaching towards the illustrated blades. There are lively marks around said graphic to indicate a whirring motion and that it wouldn’t be a good idea.

What sort of moron just sticks their hands into blades that are moving so fast that they need lively marks to illustrate their whirring? Why can’t it say “DANGER! DEATH MAY HAPPEN IF YOU STICK A BODY PART IN THERE” instead of having this graphic with lively marks indicating the whirring? If someone sticks their hand in their and loses their hand in the process then good, the law of survival of the fittest has won and if the idiot survives, he can spread the word about the dangers of things that whirr. Don’t insult my intelligence by having a stupid graphic on there indicating a very obvious danger. I deserve to be maimed if I can’t figure that out.

It’s like the woman who dumped hot coffee on her crotch and then sued McDonalds so that now every cup has to say “CONTENTS MAY BE HOT” on them and the temperature of coffee has to be lowered enough to not burn the ve-jay-jay. Perhaps balancing a cup of coffee, smoking a cigarette, talking on the phone and shifting the car is not a good idea while you’re trying to drive. You don’t deserve to reproduce you whack job and the universe was speaking to you. Perhaps you should listen.

The other day Earl ordered a cheeseburger. The woman asked if he wanted cheese with that.

A month or so ago I made a cash deposit with a bank teller at the local bank. She told me I could do all of my banking online. When I asked where I would put the cash if I did this particular transaction online, she didn’t have an answer, but she then repeated that all banking transactions can be done online. Her voice didn’t get too robotic but her stare became alarming confused. She just followed the sheep and baa-ed what she was suppose to baa.

I’m thankful to be only visiting this planet.

3 Comments

  1. I can only imagine what a warning graphic on your blog would look like. Maybe just a man with his arms in the air, or perhaps even someone with a baseball bat beating a warning graphic.

  2. After so many years of living/driving in NYC, I have a terrible time when I am outside the city because I’ve been drilled that right on red is illegal, so I just sit there like I would at home.

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