Calculated Irrationality.

After my one class today I had this attack of frustration unlike anything I’ve experienced in a while. The class is scheduled for 12:00 to 12:50. Over the past week or two, my classmates will start packing their books, etc. up at 12:49 and then start walking out at 12:50. The problem with this scenario is that the professor is still in the midst of conversing with the people that live in the chalkboard. I sit at my desk and wait for him to finish. He’s gone as long as another five minutes beyond his allotted time before realizing that the class has dwindled down to a few foolish few.

I find this scenario frustrating for several reasons.

First of all, it shows me that the majority of the class has absolutely no respect for the professor. This can’t be a good thing no matter how you look at it. Yeah, the guy is unorthodox but he holds the key to collegiate goodness. Without him and the next class in the sequence (he’s the only one that teaches it next semester), there’s no goody at the end of the ride. Like him or not, he should be given some respect.

Secondly, it’s confirming my belief that the professor doesn’t have a grasp on what’s going on in the class in any manner; how well we comprehend the material, how much material to cover in a class period or whether the students are sitting in their seats or not.

So I did something that I shouldn’t have done. I jumped on the closest thing we have to the Autobahn (long stretch of expressway with no hiding places for cops), cranked up my theme song of “Distorted” from La Nouba and drove really fast. Like three digits fast. And I’m talking three digits in the archaic manner of measuring things. I slowed down before the curve though and got it all under control.

It was release that I shouldn’t have done but felt really good.

I think one of the reasons that I’m feeling a little frustrated these days is because I’m having really good dreams at night. I remember a sizable number of my dreams (something I’ve discovered is rather rare when I mention this to others) and last night I was flying and flying and floating like a leaf on the wind. It was a beautiful moment for me and it felt very real. I woke up this morning feeling centered and at peace and the goofiness of class just messed it up.

Perhaps I tried to recreate that feeling by flying along the expressway as fast as I can. It wasn’t the same though.

I think I need to meditate.