Him: “It’s 67 degrees outside here in Atlanta. Tonight we went to a really nice steakhouse, I had filet mignon stuffed with shrimp. The waiter was really good looking and was pouring on the southern hospitality. I think he wants me. Then I joined the guys for a beer downstairs before calling you. I think I’m going to catch the game at that bar called Woofs before calling it a night.”
Me: “Oh that’s nice. We’re under a Winter Storm Warning and I ate lukewarm leftovers for supper. Last night’s meat is still tough. The furnace man never showed up like he promised, so I went to the mall and looked at the empty storefronts. I decided that was boring so I really lived on the edge and bought a new holster for my cell phone. Then I became absolutely giddy when I discovered at K-mart that Oxy Clean has a liquid version. Right now I’m so lonely I found myself watching an early All In The Family episode with my hand down my pants. I’m finding Meathead very hot because it was one of the episodes where he still had the beard. ”
Do I sound bitter?