Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

I suppose my geekiness if flaring high these days because Earl is out of town. He’s just embarked on a new project for his company and it’s going to take him out of town a couple of times a month, pretty much like the summer of ’02. To prevent myself from becoming bummed out about it, I’ve decided to embrace my geek roots and interface with the best of them. At least it keeps my mind off the fact that Earl isn’t home.

I’ve become totally addicted to TechTV, mainly The Screen Savers and Call For Help. Both fascinating programs, and I’m a learning quite a bit about a myriad of computer topics. I also like the way TechTV maintains a fair balance between Microsoft, Apple and the Linux distros. Big thumbs up.

Another web site that I’ve become morbidly interested in is Air Disaster.com Now, I’m not afraid of flying in the least. I’ve been flying since I was around six months old (my grandfather and father are both private pilots). In fact, I’ve often entertained the idea of getting my private pilots license. However, I admit that I do get nervous on commercial flights. It all stems from the fact that I don’t know who is on the plane with me and who the pilot is. In the private planes that I’ve flown in, I’ve always known, or in rare instances, been the pilot. I was reading my online friend Thom’s blog and discovered the new A&E series “Airline”. I haven’t had the opportunity to watch the show, but I have watched the trailer, and the passengers depicted are EXACTLY the reason I get nervous on commercial flights! You know the type – flippant, selfish, whiney. And incredibly, they don’t pay attention to the flight attendants’ safety demonstration. They don’t know if they’re on a 767, an Airbus or a big blue bus. They can’t tell you where the exits are. They don’t know that you have to keep your hands up in the air as you go down the evacuation slide. Now, I know that an airplane I’m on is going to go down someday. And I’m going to survive it. (It’s a recurring dream I’ve had all my life, I just accept it as fact now). But honey, if you haven’t paid attention to the safety demonstration, don’t look at me for help putting on your seat cushion as a life jacket (even if we crash in Nevada). And I’m not sharing my oxygen with you. You should have paid attention.

Anyways, back to airdisaster.com. If you want to REALLY freak yourself out, take a listen to the black box recordings. Oh boy. God rest their souls, pilot and co-pilot shootin’ the breeze, a quick “what the f*ck” and boom. As terrifying as I find it, I must admit I find it morbidly interesting as well. A geek for you I guess.

I sometimes wonder if I’m an certifiably insane or if the rest of the world is actually better than me at hiding it. Do you know that I can still, to this day, draw out the keyboard for a P&C (grocery store) circa 1982 cash register? Don’t ask me why I can, I just can. I’ve never worked for P&C or any other grocery store. But the early geek in me figured out how the damn thing works and where all the keys were. I even coached a Great American (another grocery store) cashier back in 1991 on how to run it because she was new and no one would help her. At least I’m a nice geek. Truth be known, growing up I loved to play grocery store and since we didn’t have any calculators that we could afford, I just drew out the cash register keyboard on a piece of notebook paper and I just added up the items in my head when my cousins would be my customer and brought their order through. Good part? It made me really good at math and figuring out sales tax.

I was really good with the Ames cash register system as well. It made it REALLY easy for me to be trained when I actually worked for them in the late 1980s.

Thank the stars Earl has allowed me to embrace my quirkiness. Before he came along, I sort of hid it from others. I was an out and out gay man, but I was a closeted eccentric. I’ve always done things a little differently I suppose.

Have you seen the Dell commercial where the family kidnaps the computer guy and bring him to their house to make a Microsoft Windows error disappear? That’s how I’m feeling these days… I have three computers sitting on my desk (only two are mine), and four in the cellar waiting to be fixed. I’m also shopping Retrobox, looking for a new computer for my aunt and uncle.

No, I was a fool for shaving off my beard. It has been 48 hours, and it has not grown back yet. I have shaved once, which was the initial deed. I can’t bring myself to shave again. My face feels naked, cold, raw and rashy. I feel vulnerable. Queer Eye’s Fab Five be damned, I’m growing back my beard.

On one of our shopping jaunts over the last month, Earl and I stopped at “The Body Shop”. We picked up various accessories, including their “premiere” shaving cream. Now this isn’t a puff of foam for 99 cents, no, this is a small tube for $8.00. According to the pitch provided by the repeatedly pierced sales person, using this stuff is suppose to be just one step shy of orgasmic. Perhaps for the pincushion, it was used in such a manner. More importantly to me, it proudly proclaimed “Not Tested On Animals”. I think the animals fought back before they implemented that policy or something.

I had initially clipped my beard off with my beard trimmer and ran around looking very Don Johnson with lots of stubble. But then I decided I need to go all the way, so I headed to the bathroom. I should have known that when I didn’t hear a heavenly chorus of angels proclaim “Ohhhhhhhhh” in a joyous manner that this “premiere shaving cream” wasn’t all it was suppose to be. When I put it on my face, I thought I had mistakenly applied solidified lighter fluid. However, after the initial numbing pain, I got used to it. So I went to work with the Mach III. After millions of dollars of research, I can say that the Mach III is still an engineering marvel and does bring joy to one’s shaving routine, especially those of us that choose to be Bald By Choice. So I brought my cheeks and chin to their pre-pubescent smoothness, despite the rash I was developing from the shaving cream. I looked at myself and said, “Damn, you looked better with the beard.”

I suppose every man that shaves off his beard is hoping for something better than he started with when he looks in the mirror after “the big shave”. Well it something that we can dream about. I can not get used to my face without a beard. In my mind’s eye, I still see myself bearded. When I look in the mirror, all I see is pasty white. I mean WHITE! Very WHITE! Devoid of my head hair and my beard, along with my blond eyebrows, I was accused of looking like a Q-Tip. And the folks at work say they’re my friends.

It wasn’t very smart of me to shave off my beard at the beginning of the coldest week in years. Weather forecasters are saying we’re not going to get out of the single digits for the next 10 days or so. Thank God for the soul patch I left under my lip. At least the coroner will be able to identify my hair color when they find me dead from freezing to death.

And Thank GOD for Earl. God Bless Him, he’ll support me no matter what. Small wonder I love him without hesitation. I told him tonight at supper I was growing back my beard. He’ll have to endure the nightly “progress reports” for the next month or so until something substantial plants itself.

So after this dance with conformity, yesterday, January 5, 2004, I began The Great Beard V2.0. I’m done shaving. I’ve tossed out the “Premiere Shaving Cream”. The Mach III has been laid to rest. May the fur grow, and the cheeks and chin no longer be barren.

Earl and I did a little bit of shopping over the weekend. I took the opportunity to pick up Visual Basic .NET 2003 – the Deluxe Learning Kit. My goal this year is to become very proficient in Visual Basic (a computer programming language). I’ve written countless programs in the ancient GWBASIC and it’s cousin, QuickBASIC, but I’m eager to start programming in something a little more current. I did look at Linux for a bit, but since corporations seem to be Microsoft-centric, it’s probably best for my career in the long run to continue to use a Microsoft Based product.

Tomorrow life regains normalcy. Work is a full week, routines will be re-established, social commitments settle down… it’ll be nice to be on pace again. I have a lot of plans for work during 2004, and I’m excited to delve into the projects I’ve laid out for myself.

Earl and I had a wonderful Christmas with our families. It was a touching Christmas, in that we had the opportunity to sit back and reflect on how fortunate we really are. To be surrounded by loved ones is very special.

On Friday evening we went to Lindsey’s calling hours. Over 1,000 people passed through the funeral home in three hours to pay their respects. It is very clear that there is a lot of love in the world. While the circumstances were unfortunate, to say the least, it was something to see people I hadn’t seen in 25 years.

The funeral service was on Saturday. I smelled my Grandmother’s perfume again, and I knew that everything would be o.k. for Lindsey’s family. It would be hard, naturally, and though it doesn’t seem like it right now, everyone will be o.k. After the funeral and the service at the cemetery, everyone gathered at the restaurant that Lindsey worked at, Kelly Cole’s, an Irish Pub in Liverpool, N.Y. The owners shut down the restaurant and served lunch for everyone, on the house. A pretty amazing gesture, considering Lindsey had only worked there since September. If you’re in the area, please stop by and give Kelly Cole’s your business. They’re pretty special (and the food is great!)

On Monday morning, my sister called me shortly after 7. Since my sister and I share the same sleeping habits (we like to sleep in), this struck me as very unusual. She started the phone call by telling me that nothing was wrong with Mom or Dad, but she does have some bad news. Our second cousin, Lindsey, had died earlier that morning at 5:15 a.m.

To say that this has been an emotional rollercoaster for the family would be an understatement. I can not even begin to imagine the feelings that my cousin Theresa, her husband Charlie, and their children, Taylor and Patrick are feeling. If one were to sum it up in one word, it would be ‘shock’. A second word quickly inevitably follows… ‘Why’? Unfortunately, it’s not easy to come up with an answer.

The last time Earl and I had seen Lindsey was at her graduation party in June ’02. She was dressed up in one of those whacko sumo wrestler outfits and was ‘bouncing’ off her best friend. As a kid, she was bubbly and cute. As an adult, Lindsey was breathtakingly beautiful, both inside and out.

Earl and I quickly rearranged our travel plans so that we would be home this weekend for the services. Instead of heading down on Friday, we took a brief trip to Pennsylvania to share in the Christmas Eve festivities with Earl’s family. While we were there, we took a moment to visit his Mom’s grave site. As we remembered Earl’s Mom, we stood in the pouring rain and said a prayer, asking for her assistance in helping Lindsey to the Other Side. During the Christmas Eve festivities at Earl’s Dad’s, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of my Grandmother’s perfume. Since I was standing between Earl and his father, it was a pretty safe bet that neither of them was wearing the scent. So I took it as a signal from Grandma that Lindsey was with her and Grandpa and all of my beloved family members that have already passed.

God has a breathtakingly beautiful angel among his legion.

~~~~~

Lindsey Christine Brown

December 22, 2003 Lindsey Christine Brown, 20, of Liverpool, NY passed away Monday, December 22, 2003 at St. Joseph’s Hospital. Born in Syracuse, she was a communicant of Christ the King Church and a waitress at Kelly Cole’s Restaurant. She was a 2001 graduate of Liverpool High School and currently a student at Onondaga Community College. Lindsey loved animals especially her own dogs, Riley and Bailey. She is survived by her parents, Charles J. and Theresa A. Brown of Liverpool; a brother, Patrick Brown of Liverpool; a sister, Taylor Brown of Liverpool; paternal grandmother, Helen R. Brown of Liverpool; maternal grandmother, Rose L. Bonner of Syracuse; maternal grandparents, Matt and Katie Pedzick of East Syracuse; a beloved friend, Danielle Inman of Liverpool; Several Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. Calling hours will be Friday, December 26, 2003 from 4 to 7 p.m. at the Maurer Funeral Home Moyers Corners, 3541 Route 31, Baldwinsville, NY. Services will be Saturday at 8:15 a.m. from the funeral home and 9 a.m. in Christ the King Church, 21 Cherry Tree Circle, Liverpool, NY. Burial will follow at Our Lady of Peace Cemetery, Clay, NY. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to The S P C A, 5878 East Malloy Road, Mattydale, NY 13211 or The Humane Society of CNY 4915-1/2 West Taft Rd., Liverpool, NY 13088.

Published in the Syracuse Post Standard on 12/24/2003.

So we shlepped our way to Carousel Center in Syracuse (the mall that is to become DestiNY USA, the largest mall in the world someday). A couple of months ago, Carousel instituted a Friday and Saturday night policy prohibiting people 18 years and younger in the mall unless they are escorted by a guardian. In a word? Halle-freakin’-lujah. Like The Walden Galleria in Buffalo, which instituted a similar policy over a year ago, mall traffic has dropped considerably. But retail sales have not, since people are actually at the mall to shop, instead of just hanging out and being obnoxious.

So we went on a merry trek through the mall and finished everything up, save for our gifts for each other. I hope to accomplish that tomorrow.

After the mall, we headed to Barnes and Noble to pick up some gift certificates. We took this as an opportunity to sit and relax in the café, something we have never done despite the thousands of hours and dollars we have spent in Barnes and Noble. (Well, maybe hundreds of hours and tens of thousands of dollars). I had a blueberry scone that was absolutely wonderful. Not being a coffee drinker, though, I settled for a trendy bottle of water. Very nice.

Oh my God.

I’ve already purchased one complete album and 17 miscellaneous songs. I’ve burned two CDs that I intend on listening to in the car this weekend.

I’m hooked on iTunes. After struggling with “alternate operating systems”, it’s nice to have something that works so easily and is yet so very functional.

If you haven’t latched on to iTunes, you need to get it fast.

Earl and I invited our friends Dennis and Victor over for supper tonight. We haven’t seen them in over a year for various reasons. Our lives were very hectic with Earl working many extra hours. Our house was always a wreck. So it was nice to get together and catch up on all that’s been happening. It was a nice, relaxed, casual evening. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

And last but not least, I may have mentioned that I started a beard the day we made a purchase offer on the house. Not wanting to jinx the purchase, I decided to not shave until we closed on the house. Well, we’ve closed on the house, and I still have the full beard. I kind of like it, as does Earl, and I think I’m going to let it grow until at least his birthday (end of February) or until the 1st of March. Who knows, maybe I’ll let it grow until The Ride for Missing Children. That would be pretty cool. 🙂

Earl and I have been getting along swimmingly (why don’t people say swimmingly anymore?) so it’s not like we’re in a rut or anything like that.

No, there’s nothing *wrong*, I just haven’t felt inspired enough to write in my blog. Maybe I need more meditation time or something. I’ve been reading a bit more than usual. Reading up on meditation and being focused and psychic powers and such. I’m gearing up for the Great New Years Resolution Plan, I suppose.

Earl and I did take the time to watch “The Golden Girls” reunion tonight on Lifetime (I hate the ‘television for women’ part). It was hilarious. If only sitcoms in 2003 were written half as well as The Golden Girls. Admittedly, it’s a bit of a reality check to see how much the girls have aged, but they’re doing it gracefully and without a lot of plastic augmentation, which is nice to see.

We started last Monday early with the moving crew arriving around 8 a.m. These guys were efficient, and had everything out of the old house by 10:30, and everything in the new house (mostly stacked in the garage) by 12:30. Nice! A big check, a big tip, and off they go. That gave Earl and I about an hour to get cleaned up, meet the owners of our old house for their walk through, and to the lawyers to close on the old house by 2:00. Sign, sign, sign, whip through McDonalds drive thru for french fries, and on to the lawyers to close on the new house. Sign, sign, sign and whoops, there it is! Thank GOD everything went smoothly!

Last week we spent each night after work getting the house organized. I’d love to say that everything is now in it’s place and it’s like we’ve been here forever. But, I would be lying if I said that.

We still have 35 boxes and all our old furniture in the garage. Sorting through boxes makes me realize that I kept a lot of junk over the years. So I’m working on throwing out more stuff. And more stuff. And another load just for good measure.

We are all set up on high speed internet and it is working wonderfully! I’ve accomplished more online in the past week than I did the whole month before. I’m still tweaking away at my computer to live up to my new netidentity of “unixcub”, but it’s going really well. I’m feeling pretty good about things.

On Saturday the new washer and dryer was delivered. We’re very pleased with them… they washer is the base-model front loader from Frigidaire, along with the matching stackable dryer. Pretty much the same set that we had in the old house, except for the controls being mounted on the front, and the Frigidaire name badge (instead of the Kenmore on the old set).

One thing we did do is go a little crazy on the home entertainment system for the Great Room. We decided to treat ourselves and buy a Sony Wega 42-inch plasma television, with a Yamaha surround sound system with Kliptsch speakers. This is going to be sweet. It’s delivered tomorrow… I CAN’T WAIT.

My folks came in installments over the weekend to see the place, and it was nice visiting with them. Everyone seems to be in good spirits.

And now we can buckle down for the holidays. We bought an artificial Christmas Tree tonight at Wal*Mart of all places, but I wanted something that we could put our own lights on, yet something very tall. We decided on a 9 foot tree, rather than the 12 foot tree we were originally looking at. I can’t wait to see how that looks!

As soon as I figure out how to get pictures from my camera to this computer, I’ll be sharing photos of the new house. I’ll also use that talent to sell a bunch of crap on ebay.

The current owners of our new house have been gracious enough to allow us to move things in, even though we don’t actually own the house yet. We had furniture delivered last weekend (looks fabulous), and Earl and I have been moving small things in yesterday and today. We put the bed clothes on the new bed and it gave us the feeling of “it’s finally happening”! The movers arrive at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. A day off from work, and I have to get up 1 1/2 hours earlier than usual! Oh well, what are you going to do.

So this is my last blog entry for the next week or so. High speed internet is going to be installed on Wednesday afternoon, and I must admit that I am very, very excited about it! Actually, we’re both very excited about the new house and the high speed connection is just gravy for the potatoes.

I discovered earlier today that my e-mail was all messed up and some messages weren’t being sent. If I haven’t responded to something you sent me, please resend it and I’ll respond when I’m back online. I wasn’t being rude, I was just being techno-dumb.