Ponderings and Musings

Help.

As I was pulling away from my daily stop at Dunkin’ Donuts and trying to get over to my coveted parking spot near the purple flowers, I noticed an armada of National Grid line crew trucks coming down the road. The line of trucks was quite impressive and one of the trucks had a big banner on it’s side “TEAM IRENE”.

The armada made it’s way into the shopping center parking lot where the purple flowers call home. As the trucks lined up along a couple of aisles of the parking lot, I moved to a different spot than normal.

At the very least, these men deserved to park wherever the heck they wanted to and I wasn’t going to block their way. As they got out of their trucks, congregated and made their way over to the adjacent Applebees, it was easy to tell that they had been working hard and seemed rather tired, but their mood was jovial and I didn’t overhear any complaints. They’ve been working hard since Irene blew through last weekend. They deserve a break.

And a thank you.

– I am crossing my fingers and praying to the digital mecca that this has been a successful instance of using BlogPress from my iPad

Assistance.

I had to make some creative decisions yesterday to get home since the Thruway was closed and there was a lot of congestion on the backroads between points A and B. My familiarity with the area proved helpful, I trucked up some paths that barely resembled a road. At one point I had to stop and pull a tree branch out of the way to make the road passable; it was when the cows started running alongside the Jeep that I realized that I had in fact fallen so far off the beaten path that I was actually in the middle of a farmer’s pasture, so I found the quickest exit and got myself on the real roads again.

Calm down, I’m kidding about that last part.

Actually, when I emerged on the main road at the top of a fairly large hill, I found a car nose down in a ditch. The back end was so far off the ground that the wheels were in the air. The New York State tags pointed towards the sky. Two people were standing outside of the car. I pulled up.

“Are you OK?”, I asked.

“Yeah, we’re alright.” His voice was thick with an accent that seemed to resonate from the deepest core of the Big Apple. The man and woman looked pleasant enough. They were looking up the road.

“Do you need me to call someone or something?”

“Nah, we got a tow truck on the way,” he said.

“OK, I just wanted to make sure you were alright”, I said as I got ready to get back to the cow pastures.

He responded with, “Ya know, you guys up here are nice for stopping and checking on us.”

I smiled and waved as I moved on. I guess folks don’t stop like that down where his accent originated. I drove off and continued my quest to get home, waving to the man I call ‘Farmer Bear’ as I passed his farm. He waved back.

Even though driving around these parts has been a bit of a challenge and the cable news channels are blaring on about how much damage actually happened here in Upstate from Irene, I have to admit that I’ve been smiling. Neighbor helping neighbor, stranger helping stranger, friend helping friend.

I think I have once again found my pride in being from Central New York.

Extremes.

Earl will admit to anyone that cares to listen that his husbear is one that goes to extremes. For example, in my eyes the service isn’t bad, the service was tantamount to hysterically awful and the person responsible for it, and their superior, should be at the very least fired and there should be some consideration of caning anyone involved with my discomfort.

OK, maybe I’m not that bad but I tend to ramp up from 0 to 60 pretty quickly on certain occasions and people interpret this as either I’m wildly giddy or maniacally angry, depending on the circumstances, when in fact I’m happy or slightly miffed.

I have some suspicions as to why I’m this way and it would be rather tedious for the gentle reader to delve into a psychotherapy session right here on my blog, so instead I’m going to focus on something else. My tendencies for extremes is appreciated in my love for the weather. Yes, I love weather and if I could find a way to make a living at it, I would be chasing storms all over the globe and diving into situations that would normally scare the jebeebus out of people. This was blatantly apparent early this summer when we were driving through Cleveland on our way to Chicago; the radio blared with tornado warnings, trees were falling down all around us and water was sloshing up onto the sides of the Durango, but I wanted to see it all, despite the cries from my white knuckled, crying passengers. By the way, no one was injured in that adventure and we had a lovely long weekend together.

A few nights ago the National Weather Service issued a severe thunderstorm watch. The clouds mustered up a few ominous poses but then there was nothing. Well, ‘nothing’ probably isn’t the best word to describe the storm that passed through, but as god as my witness I have farted louder than the claps of thunder that these “severe” storms presented us with. Please. Don’t waste my time if you’re not going to do it right.

Around 4:30 this morning, without any warning from any of the weather radios in the house, we had a pretty impressive thunderstorm. Non-stop lightning, lots of accompanying thunder and a good, torrential rainfall for a little bit before sunrise. The wind could have been whipping harder to make it a little more to my liking, but I’ll take what I can get. Now this is what I’m talking about. I don’t know if it’s the rush of adrenaline I get or what, but if someone is going to muster up the energy to make a thunderstorm, it better be a good one. As I closed the windows throughout the house, I glanced at the weather radios and confirmed that the National Weather Service had nothing to say about the event. I then considered running outside into the wild weather but decided not to, mostly because Earl wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t want to needlessly worry him.

It was when we both officially woke up this morning that I told him I wanted to go on a road trip this weekend if he was up to it. When he asked where I wanted to go, I had a simple reply.

“I want to chase Irene.”

Now if Hurricane Irene is going to hit the Big Apple head on then I really don’t have an interest in it. I don’t want my view of one of Mother Nature’s more impressive displays to be obscured by skyscrapers, floating taxis and people running around like screaming mimis (most likely with a loaf of bread in each hand and a gallon of milk wedged into a pocket). I want to see hurricanes come in over the ocean from an open beach where I can get a panoramic view. I think that’s one of the reasons that I want to live in a relatively flat area. I want to see the blizzards come in, I want to see the rolling thunderstorms and I want to see tornados make their way across the landscape. Six inches of snow is a nuisance, four feet of snow is something worth talking about. Drizzle? Don’t waste my time. Flood it like you mean it. And let’s not even talk about a few poofs of wind. At least blow a tree down or something.

Of course I want to do all of this with a point of safety nearby. I’m not interested in jeopardizing my life needlessly. Personally, I wish I could be some sort of computer operator, administrator, whatever on a rig that went into these storms. I would love to be part of a team that’s learning from these extreme events. Anything to better the human experience with as much knowledge as possible.

So I don’t know if we’ll be meeting Irene head-on this weekend, but I’m sure I’ll be reviewing weather maps and watching videos from those that stand courageously as Mother Nature brings on her worst.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Date.

So last night I posted a status update on my Facebook that went something like this:

This wedding is so far outside of my comfort zone but I don’t care.

I was sitting next to Earl when I posted this. We were in the process of assembling wedding invitations and getting them ready for mailing. We talked a little bit about what I meant with this update, but I think my words may have startled some people. As usual, many of our friends and family are excited about our upcoming celebration and expressed sentiments stating this.

First of all, I still can’t put into words the amount of joy that I feel when I think about the fact that I am going to marry the man that I know is my true love. My soul mate. If anyone can put up with my shenanigans for 15 years then there must be something to this whole thing we got going on. I better get it down on paper quick before he comes to his senses.

Folks have asked about our wedding plans, so here’s how it goes. On October 13, 1996, Earl and I hiked to the top of Rocky Mountain Point in the Fulton Chain of Lakes in the Adirondacks. At the top of this mountain, I got down on my knee and asked him to marry me. Like the first time that I told him I loved him (which was romantically situated over a couple of foot long subs at a Subway restaurant), he told me that I better not say it unless I meant it. And I knew that I had never meant any words more in my life than what I was about to say whilst down on my knee.

Earl and I have decided to become legally married on Thursday, October 13, 2011, 15 years to the date after I asked him. We briefly considered doing it at the top of the mountain again, but it would have been cumbersome to hike family and friends to the top, so we are going to have a celebration in a private room at the local casino. There will be vows, we will be wearing suits and there will be a sit-down dinner for a small group of our friends and family.

I call this a celebration because Earl and I exchanged vows in a commitment ceremony back in December 26, 1996 on Penn’s Landing in Philadelphia. That’s when the rings went on. We call that our wedding. That’s when it really started for us, after a few months of practice living together and a new washer and dryer. On October 13 we’ll be signing the legal documents, stating our sentiments in carefully constructed vows and sharing with our friends and family what we did privately back in December ’96. That’s kind of cool.

I consider this whole thing to be outside of my comfort zone because I’ve never really understood the need for a big wedding affair. I have seen brides walk down aisles barely representing what they really look like; their hair is being held up by flowers, they have makeup on in places that rarely need sprucing up and they might be stumbling a little as they make their way down an aisle of glaring guests wearing anything but their normally comfortable shoes. Conversely, I’ve seem grooms scrubbed up and cleaned out like they never have been before. Scruff is wiped away, unruly mustaches have been tamed and a comb has been introduced to hair that is usually hidden under a cap. It’s surreal to me. On the other hand, I’ve been to weddings where the bridesmaids ran off with the groom and took him to another bar for three hours. I don’t know if there was a stop at a no-tell motel along the way. Weddings are downright whacky to me for many reasons, but if it makes the couple happy then who am I to judge.

I mentioned to Earl last night that I thought it was going to be a little weird to kiss him in front of friends and family. Now don’t get me wrong, we still kiss and I still love it very much after all of these years, but I’m not one for public displays of affection. I think part of it is because I come from the tail end of the gay generation when you didn’t make other people uncomfortable. I don’t like people being uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable when I see other couples kiss (gay or straight) and to compensate I usually turn away slightly. It’s not that I’m embarrassed by it, but affection is something to be savored between the folks engaging in it. It’s a special moment and I just like to keep those thing private. I took a photo of Earl years ago where he was so overjoyed to be at Disney. His expression was pure happiness. I posted the photo on Flickr but then took it down. That was our moment and something that we would savor. It shouldn’t be put up on the web for people to make comments on. To see it on a website would be out of context. Context is important. The photo was printed out and posted on our wall of photos in our home. I can explain why Earl was so happy. Now that I think this through, I’m sure those celebrating with us will be happy to see that Earl and I share affection all these years later.

Suits have been fitted and will be here in plenty of time for alterations. Hotel reservations have been made and I have made our reservations for a long weekend together as a honeymoon. On Saturday we go to the casino to do some food and cake tasting and finalize the details.

Getting married on a Thursday evening is different. Not many people do that. But the date is special. I hope folks are able to share the moment with us. While I fully believe happiness should be savored, I guess it should also be shared.

I just need to realize that I am comfortable with that.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Respite.

So in my blog post yesterday I quickly alluded to the fact that I needed to write about something trivial to kind of distract my mind. It wasn’t because things were overly intense or crazy, they were just slightly hectic. It’s interesting to see how the fates occasionally change our plans just to remind us of who is boss.

On Saturday, Earl, Scott and I went to Southwicks Beach State Park. Longtime dear readers will know that this is my favorite state park in the state; this particular park features sandy beaches, gentle winds and a view of Lake Ontario that looks like the ocean if you don’t squint too hard when you look south. It’s a busy place but because of it’s location it’s usually the local folks that populate the recreational areas, and this is another reason I like it. It’s also close to the hometown, so it feels really familiar.

Saturday was an absolutely gorgeous day in these parts. We found ourselves at the last picnic table available. After some rearranging we were situated under one of the trees in the beach picnic area. I decided to go for a swim. Always cognizant of the fact that I have Irish skin that burns really easily, I sprayed some sunblock all over my milky white body (my sister prefers the term ‘lily white’ but I don’t feel that pure). I’ve done this before when cycling. I hate the feeling of sunblock on my skin but one has to do what they have to do, so I sprayed it on and jumped into the lake with the other couple hundred swimmers. There was merriment.

Earl opted to stay out of the water and relax in the shade because he wasn’t feeling quite right. He didn’t feel like he had the flu but he did feel like he might have some sort of fever, but he still wanted to enjoy the beach. So he took it easy.

After the ride home and the movies on Saturday night, I slept soundly until Sunday morning, when I awoke with swollen, itchy eyes and the bridge of my nose wider than usual. Vanity prevents me from sharing a picture of this state, but I attributed it to the sunscreen that I had sprayed on. Things calmed down to semi-normal by Monday morning. Earl, on the other hand, continued to feel feverish on and off. Because of this, he did not sleep well at all, in fact, I knew the fever was getting worse when he started babbling in his sleep. I had napped on Sunday so my sleep patterns Sunday night were screwed up too, so neither of us got a lot of sleep Sunday into Monday.

Monday morning I got up feeling just awful with my eyes still a little swollen but markedly better than Sunday. I headed off to work and got only as far as the first exit on the Thruway; I knew I wasn’t going to be productive at work, so I called off and headed home. When I got home Earl looked like hell but he was going to make an attempt at work. I crashed in bed until 11 and then went and met him for lunch. He still looked and felt like hell and his stomach did not enjoy lunch. I told him to go to Urgent Care, which he did. He said he wanted to go alone, but I had a call shortly afterwards to come join him. After blood and urine tests and a lot of poking and prodding, he was sent off for a CAT scan, which showed nothing out of the ordinary. His temperature was 103. A few hours later, we were headed home with not a good idea of what was going on but a couple of antibiotics to help with a possible infection in the gastro area and the promise of a doctor’s appointment by the end of the week (which has since been confirmed for Friday).

The swelling from the sunscreen is gone but now I have a slight rash over my right eye where apparently I rubbed my eyes in my sleep. Earl is home today and tomorrow, I resumed my work activities today. This is where technology does us well, IMs and phone calls at lunch are helping keep me apprised of his condition.

I think it’s time for me to get a physical.

On the bright side, I cooked dinner two nights in a row and it didn’t make anybody any worse off than they already were.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Distraction.

Can you believe that I am easily distracted? It’s kind of like that “squirrel” thing that people talk about when they talk about people that are easily distracted, though I don’t really have any vested interest in squirrels.

I am easily distracted. My mind gets to processing too many things at once. These thoughts are like rivers and I’m in a kayak, running from river to river with my feet hanging down, paddling a bit and then seeing something on the other river that I have to see. For example, every morning I have to do some routine maintenance on one of our servers. As I wait for it to do it’s thing, I end up opening up wikipedia and looking up the title of the song that may be playing at the moment. As I watch the words fly by on the screen showing the status of the server maintenance, I am researching the history of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”, which was in a Stars on 45 medley so I wonder what year “Venus” was written. And when did Pluto lose it’s title as planet? And where does the word lose come from? Glance over to the screen, words are flying by, the phone in the cubicle next to me has rang four times and I know that another co-worker has had beef steak for dinner. Mushrooms were involved. Back to wikipedia, what kind of mushrooms are trippy? I think we need go on a trip. Where should we go? How high is the Sears Tower? Server maintenance done.

I sometimes think that folks miss the boat when they don’t realize that I would be much better off working in a padded room with blunt scissors making rag rugs.

Serenity.

It’s kind of a crazy, stressful time at work. The Big Project™ that I’m working on at work is rather time consuming and while I am just one of a team comprised of several members, I find that the workload is creeping up worse than underwear, especially since everything has been piled up on top of my regular job. I know that I’m going to feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment when this project comes to a close next spring, but in the interim all I’m feeling is stress. Lots of stress.

This stress is considerably different from the stress I felt in my previous job because the old job involved irregular sleeping patterns and being awoken on an erratic schedule.  The Big Project™ isn’t causing me to lose sleep, simply because I have a knack for being able to fall asleep in an instant whenever I need to, but staying asleep can be a little troublesome if I have something on my mind. This happens once in a while, especially on Sunday nights. This occasionally manifests itself as insomnia but in other cases I have been known to walk, talk, dance or jump in my sleep. Luckily I have a husbear that can tell the difference between my sleep walking self from my normal self and he keeps me from hurting myself by falling down the stairs or something. I have a hunch that he laughs at me.

I have been feeling considerably stressed out this week (and it’s only Tuesday), so I took a moment and removed myself from the noise, closed my eyes and recited the first paragraph of the Serenity Prayer to myself.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

After reciting the prayer I went so far as to print out the verse, cut it into a neat little square and tape it to my computer monitor. I now have it as a point of reference whenever I need a little reminder. I surprisingly felt more comfort than anticipated after this little exercise. My stress level went down considerably. I get why this prayer is recited at AA meetings and the like, the words are comforting and make perfect sense. The exercise gave me a chance to catch my breath and regain my focus, the words provided some needed comfort.

Perhaps we all need to just take a moment during the day and find ourselves again.

Duty.

As an American that was raised in the 70s and 80s, like most of my contemporaries I have had a sense of duty instilled in my very existence since a very young age. The morning routine was simple; the buzzer would sound at 9:10, indicating the beginning of the school day, and we stood, placed our hands over our hearts and recited the “Pledge of Allegiance”, as led by a booming voice over the PA system. I am proud that I did that every morning, and even led the high school through the exercise in my junior and senior year, so don’t think that this is some anti-pledge or anti-American rant. Because it’s not.

As we make our way through our school years, we learn about the history of our country, how it affects us today and the importance of keeping abreast of current events and the like. It’s important to know where we have been, where we are and where we are going. This is the reason that I try to keep on top of current events; I have a stake in the future and I want to be part of it. There are many things worth fighting for to further the foundation of our country: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

But, gosh, it is getting harder and harder to listen to the news without kicking in the face of a radio.

In the past 72 hours I have listened to endless coverage of the Iowa Straw Poll. Honestly, the relevance of this exercise escapes me and based on the explanations I heard on the news channels over the weekend, there’s something about passing out tickets, corn dogs, fried butter, a rogue bus with a rogue woman who’s not a candidate, a seal tent with air conditioning and folks dropping out of a race that really shouldn’t have even started yet, as we honestly have more important things to do than to make our elected leader look bad and stupid but saying idiotic things about him when he’s just trying to sort through a mess that just keeps bigger and bigger.

And speaking of idiotic things, here are some nuggets I heard during this coverage. These paraphrased snippets are from folks that were pulling the straws:

* The United States is the oldest country and government in the history of mankind.
* It is more than apparent that Jesus Christ was a Christian and that’s why we should all be Christians.
* The democrats are evil because they don’t support trade unions.
* In Canada you have to wait six months for a chance to go to the emergency room at the hospital because of their “socialist health care”.

This is the stuff that makes me crazy. It’s the perpetuation of the babblings from the ignorant, misinformed and downright stupid. This perpetuation somehow cements it as gospel. It’s like repeating a lie over and over again, say it enough times and it’ll become the truth, because everyone, including yourself, will believe it. Kind of like telling the world you’re a straight man trying to save the world from the gay when you sit in an airport stall tapping your foot for a little lick lick from someone that’s in the same bathroom as you.

I feel it is my duty as an American to know what’s going on and to listen to the news. Last fall when I served jury duty it blew me away that I was the only one on the jury that had any inkling as to current events in our area, and we don’t even watch the local news (the local news channel doesn’t believe in sharing over the satellite systems like the rest of the country). When they were doing the jury selection they mentioned the case that was involved and the name was instantly recognizable because it’s been talked about in our local media for the past 20 years and I was the only one that had heard of it! How can people stumble through life in such a cloud of ignorance and then be trusted to make a sane decision when we elect our next leader? How is this fair?

One of the newscasts I listen to in the morning makes a point of saying how long President Obama has been in office and how many days until the next election. I believe it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 462 days until we elect (or re-elect) our next president, and if the Iowa Straw Poll with corn dogs on a stick and suggestive pictures of consumption of such are indication, it is going to be a very long and dismal 462 days.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Memory.

I’ve spent the first half of my lunch hour today chatting with former classmates on Facebook. We have been talking about the old days at school and it is becoming quite apparent that I must have some sort of memory disorder because I remember too many things with too much detail to be labeled normal. I remember the names of teachers, their assigned room numbers (I wonder if my favorite math teacher is still in Room 202?), the names of teachers that retired before I even got to that grade, the bell schedule of the high school and the fact that the bell used to signal a class change was an A-flat played over the PA speakers. I guess it’s somewhat natural, due to my fascination with clocks, that I remember that the bell rang three seconds after the clock positioned itself to the right time for the class change and that teachers would insist we wait for the bell, even though I don’t think they would have been able to cram anymore learning into the moments between 09:36:00 and 09:36:03. I could also share that this quirk appeared in 1981 when the master clock in the main office was replaced but that would be downright spooky.

Ask me what I had for supper two nights ago and I probably could remember if I thought about it hard enough. I know that I’m trying to forget last night’s supper, which was at a Chinese buffet that we lovingly call “China Nazi” because when we go in the hostess, and I use that term loosely, motions us to our table and proclaims, “You sit THERE!”. Her tone makes me want to bark out a “Heil Hitler!” but I don’t because that’s a totally different continent.

I’m pretty good with dates for the most part, though today I wished our friend Mike a happy birthday when his birthday is on Sunday. I always think he’s just shy of a month younger than me when in reality he is a month and a day younger than me. I remember my aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary in 1979 for no apparent reason (other than they’re family). I remember most my cousins’ birthdays. Earl proclaimed he didn’t know his brother’s phone number the other night but I told him what it was. The digits are nearly the same as 62 WHEN in Syracuse and somewhat in the neighborhood of Route 481, also in Syracuse, so it’s simple math, at least in my head. By the way, his brother lives nowhere near Syracuse but I suppose he would fit in if he lost the Philly accent.

One thing that makes me hesitant with my memory is names. Some may notice that it takes a few encounters before I will address someone I have met during my adult years by their name. I hate getting names wrong because it’s kind of embarrassing. When I was in the hospital in 8th grade, the next room over in pediatrics had a patient named Carrie but I always called her Marcia because I thought she looked like a Marcia. My roommate, Eric, reminded me several times and that made me hesitant to call someone by name if I can’t remember it. I usually have an idea of what a person should be named by appearance. That being said, I don’t know that I have ever actually called someone Creepella to their face. Okay, I did that one time and she was not amused.

I attribute this memory talent, for lack of a better word, completely to my father. I owe him for inheriting that trait, because he could be downright spooky too. During the days of the family store, a customer could walk in, having not been in the store for a decade, and my father would say hello like it was yesterday and remind them of the pound of 10-common nails they had purchased the last time they were there, usually sometime in the mid 1970s (even though the present date was sometime in the late 1980s). The same customer would then look at me, thinking I was really good at math, as I rang them up because I didn’t have to use the calculator or reference a tax chart to compute the tax required for their purchase. It wasn’t that I was doing math in my head, I had just memorized the tax chart. Think of the time I could save on figuring out my purchases today if the sales tax rate was still 4%! I wouldn’t have to use my fingers or anything.

All of this memory stuff comes full circle though, when friends and family remind me of something that they have told me a half dozen times in the past month. “I forgot!”

I think I need to upgrade my RAM. I have too much stuff up there.

 

Service.

Okay, this just made my day. As I may have mentioned once or twice through Foursquare and Twitter, I go to the Dunkin’ Donuts closest to work during my lunch hour on a daily basis. More order is predictable; I get a large, unsweetened iced-tea with lemon and if I’m feeling especially daring, I might add a cookie (but no more than once a week on the cookie).

I have been in conference calls all morning, so when I was able to escape for my lunch break I arrived at the DD and immediately had to use the wash room. When I came out of the wash room I went up to the counter like I always do. Already waiting for me was my large, unsweetened iced-tea with lemon. I didn’t have to ask for it. The cashier had a large, sly smile as she handed it to me before I ordered it.

Now, I know this is a really small thing but it’s that little extra effort in service that makes me smile and aids in my restoration of faith in the American populace in general. I added my weekly cookie to the order and gave the cashier an appropriate gratuity. She thanked me.

It’s the little things that count.