Ponderings and Musings

Repost from Aug. 23 ’05: “Flying With Dad!”

This is a repost of an entry from Aug. 23 ’05.

Flying with Dad!_36710965_o

Tonight I had the opportunity to do something I haven’t done in a long time. Dad and I went flying together.

My father has been a private pilot for a long time. I’ve complained about flying in the past, but those complaints are limited to flying the commercial airlines, mainly because they herd you like cattle through a shoot. I also have another beef, no pun intended, about flying commercially. I don’t know the pilot. And I can’t trust a pilot I don’t know.

I’ve been flying with my father since I was six months old. My grandfather was a private pilot, so we’d fly with him, and then my dad became a pilot in his late 20s. Where most people have blood flowing through their veins, my father has aviation fuel.

When I was growing up, we started off flying in the pilot’s association’s Cessna 150 (which is still going this day, I might add) and then a Piper Tomahawk. Later in the early 1980s, my grandfather and father bought a 1940 Piper J5-A that my dad stripped down to the metal and rebuilt. He had that for several years, before building the plane you see in the picture, his Acrosport.

The Acrosport is a lot of fun to fly in, but it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s open cockpit, so you get to wear all the Snoopy gear. I had the honor of wearing my grandfather’s pilot gear tonight. The passenger’s seat has the ominous warning: “PASSENGER WARNING: THIS HOME-BUILT AIRPLANE IS EXPERIMENTAL AND THEREFORE DOES NOT MEET FAA SAFETY REGULATIONS”. Who cares. It’s rare that I feel that free as when I’m sitting in the passenger’s seat of my father’s airplane. Just be sure to sit low in the seat so the wind doesn’t blow your sunglasses off!

Right after take off, the engine backfired a little bit and did a little sputter thing, just as we were banking to the right. My father straightened the plane to the horizon and it stopped. Another quick bank to the right to make sure it didn’t do it again, then a zip around 180 degrees to buzz (that means fly really low and fast) my sister and Earl, who were standing along the airfield watching us, both waving. Did the sputter worry me? Absolutely not. I was in the capable hands of my father, so that meant there was nothing to worry about. He’s been in worse situations and has never had even a close call. Nothing to fear.

The rest of the flight was awesome. We flew eight or nine miles to the west of my hometown to fly along the eastern shore of Lake Ontario a little bit before heading back home. I wasn’t ready to take the controls to fly yet, though Dad would have let me. I used to fly occasionally with the club instructor or my dad when I was younger, given the controls of the Cessna or the Apache. And I’m eager to try my hands at a Cessna 150 or 172, but not his Acrosport. Not yet.

Afterwards, we had a wonderful meal with my Dad, his girlfriend Karen and my sister Jennifer. Great conversation, delicious food and a flight down memory lane.

A wonderful evening.

You can click on the picture above for more pictures from the flight.

Angry.

There are some things in this world that make me very angry, even though I have no connection to these things, that it makes me want to spit nails. One of these occasions have occurred. I wasn’t going to write about this, but I feel that I need to.

There is a teacher in the Mystic Valley Regional High School (in Massachusetts) named Kevin Hogan. Well liked by his students, Mr. Hogan is a sports coach and I believe an English teacher. Earlier this week, Mike Beaudet (Twitter handle = @channel_mike) from Boston’s Fox affiliate, Fox 25 went “Fox Undercover” and confronted Mr. Hogan, on camera without warning, about a couple of gay porn videos he had participated in a few years ago. Apparently these videos were released to the public last year. Caught completely off guard by this confrontation, Mr. Hogan denied everything but was then put on administrative leave from MVRHS after the news story ran on the Fox affiliate. The reporter was kind enough to share some clips from the videos during the newscast. The teacher has never exposed his students to porn, by Mike Beaudet gleefully exposed the world to it by sharing it on the Fox News broadcast.

Here’s where I get angry:

1. The teacher has done nothing wrong as a teacher. He hasn’t been inappropriate with any of his students and no sort of accusations of this sort have come forth. He is well respected by students and faculty. Because of this, his life is now destroyed. What is gained by this?

2. The reporter is painting this behavior in the same light as the recent sexual allegations at Penn State and Syracuse University. THAT IS BULLSHIT. The teacher had sex with a consenting adult. Nothing illegal happened, there were no goats involved and everyone was well above the age of consent. The man had sex with another man; it just happened to be in front of a camera. Has anyone noticed that most pedophiles are not gay men but rather heterosexual men? Why doesn’t anyone ever notice that.

3. The teacher has never discussed this part of his life with his students nor was he recruiting anyone to become a porn star. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Some argue that a teacher must uphold a higher moral standard. Show me a teacher that smokes and I’ll show you someone that doesn’t meet my standard. It doesn’t mean they’re unfit to teach. Having sex with a consenting adult is far less damaging to a person than smoking is.

4. This was a ratings stunt, plain and simple. A man’s career was destroyed in the interest of garnering higher ratings. THIS IS WHAT AMERICAN MAINSTREAM NEWS HAS BECOME. Every time I read or hear something like this, a little part of the American inside of me dies, because we are drifting so far away from what made this country great it’s not even funny. American mainstream news does this all the time. They’re after ratings to generate more ad revenue. Accuracy and solid facts have little to do with the story.

I have retweeted a couple of the thousands of comments to the news reporter on my Twitter feed. Dignity is preventing me from formulating my own tweet and saying how I really feel about the reporter. Many are calling for the firing of this reporter and the support for the teacher far overwhelms the “shock and outrage” of the teacher’s past.

I’m sorry. I don’t think that a teacher’s past should be held against him, especially when it has no bearing on who or what he is today. Shame on Fox 25 and especially on Mike Beaudet, the “investigative reporter”. This is blatant homophobia under a thin veil of disguise. And quite frankly, it disgusts me.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Alarm.

So last night the fire alarm went off during the NBC Nightly News. Brian Williams, the anchor, was the perfect professional as the alarms went off, barely missing a beat with his story on the bankruptcy of American Airlines. As the alarm went off the second time during the newscast, he calmly reminded viewers that they knew they were in no danger and that’s why they were no evacuating. Watching the video on YouTube, I was very impressed with the way that Mr. Williams handled it, knowing that he wasn’t in danger and how he just continued on without losing it on the air. As a former broadcasting professional, I probably would have been distracted and my voice would have sounded funny as I tried to compensate for the extra noise. That’s why I don’t anchor NBC’s Nightly News.

Since this story has been all over the place this morning, I noticed some of the comments that folks made over on Huffington Post. It’s not often that I go over to that site, I really don’t like their style of journalism over there and I can find more balanced news elsewhere. I was surprised at the number of people who said that Brian Williams set a bad example for the public by not immediately leaping up and running out of the studio with his hands failing. I say I was surprised by these comments but I guess in reality I’m really not. Some people enjoy hysterics. Mr. Williams, a former volunteer fireman, does not. Plus, as he stated during the news broadcast, they knew they were not in danger because they were testing the fire alarm system.

I got to thinking about this a little bit on the drive into work. I have been in several places over recent years where the fire alarm has started blaring in a public space, for example, the local mall. No one flinched, no one looked for an exit, everyone continued shopping as if nothing was going on. Blaring klaxons, flashing strobe lights, automatic closing doors; all of these were ignored because people were on a mission, they were shopping, they didn’t see flames so they continued on. I must admit that I did the same. Like much of the American public, I think I have been desensitized to these alarms because the damn things ring a false alarm on so many occasions.

Earl and I made a trip to Wisconsin a few years back and on each of the first three nights of this five night trip we had to evacuate the hotel (which was a different hotel each time) because the fire alarms were going off for no reason. People get used to these things. The blaring sounds, the strobe lights, they’re all for naught when they cry wolf so many times. I remember fire drills back during my school days. Those bells never rang unless they meant business (a fire or a drill). We didn’t have flashing strobe lights or slamming doors or announcements coming over a speaker, the fire bell simply went clang clang clang clang clang (pause) (repeat). It was rare that you heard that clang but when you did you got your butt out of the school in an orderly fashion. The same goes with the Emergency Broadcast System. If the old-style two-tone alarm wasn’t proceeded by “This is a test…”, then you figured that the local nuclear plant was melting down and you got under your desk and covered your neck to ride it out. People made sure that these alarms didn’t ring for no reason. False alarms were avoided. It’s not until we upgraded to the latest and greatest technology that we started to tolerate false alarms. Because we put up with bugs in our computer programs and crappy, tinny sounding phone calls over a our cell phones, we expect mediocrity from the devices that are designed to save our lives because they “cry wolf” more than anything else.

Now I know that I’m somewhat contradicting myself in this post. I praise Brian Williams for keeping his cool and continuing on while the fire alarm blared and I make fun of the people that say he should have evacuated immediately while on the other hand I scold folks for not leaving when the mall fire alarm went off. This is all a product of our conditioning. We are being conditioned to stock up on milk and bread and flail our hands in the air when an alarm is needlessly fired off to warn us of a “winter storm” (when much less than a foot of snow is expected) and on the other hand, we hear so many false fire alarms in public spaces today due to poorly manufactured and executed equipment that we just ignore the damn things. How do we turn this around? No clue. I’m hoping that the fabled reboot of civilization at the end of next year will give us some answers.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Memory.

So I have this habit of coming up with some brilliant topic that gets me all fired up and knowing how I’m going to express this brilliance in the blog. These flashes of inspiration usually occur in the early morning hours when I am getting ready for work. I try to remember to write down what I am thinking so that I can formulate them into a coherent dialog when I write my blog. I use electronic gadgets to keep track of all of this for me; I usually jot something down in Evernote or OmniFocus, since I use both software packages for personal and business needs. I tend to use Evernote as a bucket to catch whatever is falling out of my head.

This morning I neglected to do this. And now all I can remember is that I had two things I could have written about. I can’t tell you what they are, though. They’ll probably manifest themselves as a blog entry later in the week and I won’t even make the connection. I’ll be too busy engaging my ADD elsewhere.

Even though I can’t remember what I wanted to blog about this morning, I can tell you that I remember thinking that I am starting to become a bit of a morning person. I think this is why I have these blogging ideas in these early hours; it’s because I am turning into one of those older people that goes to bed at 9:00 p.m. and wakes up in time to see the sunrise. I used to be one of those guys that stayed up all night and went to sleep with the sunrise, but this is definitely changing. I must be getting old.

I can also tell you what I dreamed about last night, but it would make everyone involved blush. I know the dream took place in my old stomping grounds of Jamestown, New York, but the rest of it needs to be filed away in the dream journal and out of sight. I have always had this small fear of people figuring out what really goes on inside my head and sometimes dreams are just too revealing. So instead I show little bits and pieces here, well within the censorship range I have arbitrarily set.

I’d be such a hoot on an analyst’s couch.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Goals.

Now I know that last week I was getting rather cranky about the fact that I didn’t feel that people were properly observing the Thanksgiving holiday. It seemed to me that people were anxious to skip right over the holiday. They couldn’t slow down long enough to be thankful on the day that is set aside for such thoughts and were more concerned about the great deals they were going to get on Black Friday and it’s newer predecessor, Thanksgiving Day (I still have a beef with that).

I am going to admit right here and now that I am now guilty of a similar line of thinking.

You see, it is officially the Christmas Holiday Season. Christmas, and all of it’s equally important holidays that share the same sentiment, are the next holidays up on the schedule and this is something to get excited about. I am feeling the holiday spirit in that I’m in the mood to do nice things for nice people (and even nice things for some cranky people), but it doesn’t really feel like it’s the Christmas holiday time of year because I am going all out to avoid Christmas music and more importantly, it is currently 62 degrees (F) in these parts. Usually we have a foot of snow on the ground by now. The weather for the week is calling for mild temperatures right through Friday. It’s just weird to me to put up Christmas lights when it’s this warm out.

Because of the warm weather, I am actually looking beyond the Christmas holiday at New Years’ and accordingly, I am already compiling a list of goals for 2012. I think I am ultimately looking ahead to the spring of 2012 and setting milestones in my head as to where I want to be. As per the norm, my focus is on my health and fitness practices, but I’m also looking at career goals and where I want to fit in the world as contributor overall.

The fitness part is rather easy. I’ve done it plenty of times. I have want to be at a certain weight and mindset by date A and then farther down that road by date B. I want to do it honestly without resorting to quick weight-loss pills and the like. To begin this latest segment of this continuous journey I have decided to eliminate my lunchtime Dunkin’ Donuts iced tea. I opted for a refillable bottle of water instead. By not having the iced tea I am not tempted to get a cookie or other treat, and thus I am eliminating some caffeine AND some sugar. That’s a good thing. I also worked out this morning, the second day in a row this week, so I think I’m off to a good start. I have my own rewards built into this attempt, and they’re a personal thing that is not expensive, it’s just the joy of knowing that I am making a valid attempt at remaining healthy that will keep me going.

The career goals are a little more complex because I have this slight uncertainty as to where I’m going to fit I the corporate food chain at any given moment. So to tackle this I have set my sight on improving my work habits a little bit; increasing my organizational skills, trying to remain focused on one task instead of letting my natural ADD tendencies kick in. Self discipline is the name of the game here, and I figure if I improve myself in this area, the rest of the corporate niceties will follow suit. Let’s hope.

My last area of my goals is where I want to fit in in the world. The road geek in me has made some suggestions to the Department of Transportation over the years. These suggestions have been implemented in the interest of improving motorist safety. It feels good to try to make the world a better place in a tangible way and I’d like to do more of that outside of roads. It breaks my heart that our world needs a place like the Ali Forney Center (a organization for homeless LGBT youth in New York) but on the other hand I am thankful for such places and I want to do what I can to contribute to this cause. Beginning with awareness is my goal here; awareness of the organization and awareness of what causes LGBT teens to become homeless in the first place.

So while I am guilty of thinking ahead of the current holiday, I think it’s for good reason. And I guess trying to become the best person I can be is in the spirit of this holiday season.

Black Friday.

So today is Black Friday. I think it’s called Black Friday because this is the day that the retailers fall back into the black on their All Important Ledger. Apparently they have been running in the red for the entire year up until today when they magically sell enough stuff to produce enough profit to fall back into the black. This pleases the Lord.

You can tell economic times are tough because the retailers are having to work extra hard at getting back into the black this year. Times are so tough for them that they decided to make Black Friday last more than 24 hours by starting up on Thursday night. That’s right, forget the time gathered around the post-dinner table engaging in discussion or a board game with the family, we are now suppose to bundle up and get ourselves to the Wal*mart before it’s Friday so we can get a head start on the deals that are arriving before Friday for Black Friday. Move. That. Money. Buy. That. Stuff.

I’m already entertaining requests from my fans as to what I want for Christmas. I haven’t really thought about it a great deal, though I think I may have suggested a few ideas to Earl over the past week. There is a rumor that I want an iPad2 and possibly an iPhone 4S, but there is a part of me that wants to go without getting a big ticket technology item for Christmas, just to say that I did it. Besides, everything I have works fine. My iPhone is able to distract me from real life without a problem and I can blog anywhere my heart desires with my first generation iPad. Ironically, I am using my MacBook Pro to blog during my lunch hour today, but that’s only because I left the bluetooth keyboard in the Jeep and that’s in getting serviced, so I’m driving the Durango and I wanted to be able to type on an actual keyboard instead of just a picture of one. I find it very hard to write blog entries on my iPad. I don’t think it would be an easier on my iPad2 since the pictures of the keyboard are identical. Damn me for learning to do something other than hunt and peck. What was I thinking?

When Earl and I dropped the Jeep off at the early-bird station at the dealership last night, we took the opportunity to swing through the Big Box Mecca to see what sort of lines were forming at the Big Box Stores. There was an encampment at Best Buy that went the entire length of that side of the shopping center. The line formed at the front entrance to Best Buy, at the end of the building, and snaked along the entire plaza beyond PetSmart, Salon Aida, some sort of dental clinic, a double-wide TJ Maxx and Michaels’. People were bundled up in their eskimo gear and sitting on lawn chairs. All to save $100 off one of two laptops (because there’s never more than that in stock) that’s probably going crap out and be so bogged down with “value added software” that you’ll want to chuck the thing out the window in a month anyway. The Wal*mart had setup some corrals out front but there wasn’t very many people to be seen.

This is what our Thanksgiving has come to, nothing more than a precursor to the more important Black Friday. It’s kind of sad.

I heard on the news this morning that one of the other Wal*mart Supercenters in the area (we have four within a 15 mile radius) had to summon the cops because of shoppers fighting over cell phones. There’s nothing that shares that Christian sentiment of “Merry Christmas” better than a good kick in the teeth.

Back to the gift idea requests I have been getting. I know that people want to give me a gift in the name of sharing a delight and the spirit of the season and that is very much appreciated. You know what I really want? A donation to the Ali Forney Center in New York. If you feel the need to give me something, give me a card with some nice words and a bottle of after shave or something. Don’t dazzle, just share.

If more people did that, I bet our hearts, instead of our wallets, would soar on Black Friday.

Big.

So today I am thankful for many things, with it being Thanksgiving here in the U.S. and all, and I’ll probably write a few blog entries (okay, possibly two) where I share what I am thankful about with those that stumble across this bloggy thing. This will make my mother happy, because she often shares what she is thankful about at Thanksgiving. In recent years, she has urged, actually insisted, no demanded, others to do the same during the Official Thanksgiving Dinner™ by not passing any food until someone said something that had some sort of meaning and another someone is sobbing in the mashed potatoes (or gravy, she’s not fussy) in an emotional turmoil because they have just shared what they are thankful about. My mother doesn’t just pull but she PULLS at heart strings.

I think I digressed.

Oh, and I sometimes write in an exaggerated manner and this could be one of those times, however, I most certainly assure you that yesterday’s blog entry was not written in an exaggerated manner and if I were to drive back to the hibachi grill right now, I would bet dollars to donuts (which I think has something to do with spending dough) that the woman is still banging on the ventilation hood and screaming for more sake.

Still digressing.

Oh, my mother is a lovely woman. I think of her as groovy. But not gravy. I’ll introduce you to her sometime, she’d like that.

Back to giving thanks. In a world where bigger is better, apparently, I am sometimes thankful that my grandmothers are not here to partake in the calamities of what we call the Present Time™ because quite frankly, I can’t see either grandmother trying to navigate themselves through a Wal*Mart (Always White Trash, Always). Grandma Country was a Pulaski Department Store kind of patron. The Pulaski Department Store was an establishment on one of the few corners “downtown” (I use that term loosely) in the lovely village of Pulaski, N.Y.1 that had everything you needed for your lovely country home. It was about 1/100th the size of a Wal*mart but I bet you could find anything there, just in a reasonable size. If she didn’t find it there, she’d make the trip to Watertown or Oswego and go to Westons or Woolworths, both big department stores for their time but mighty small in comparison. I guess she could have coped with a Wal*mart now that I think about it, but I don’t think she would have enjoyed the experience. She’d ask my grandfather for an assist. He’d yell and scare people. I like that approach.

Grandma City was about Ames (pronounced Ameses). Since she lived in the city she was more used to the larger department stores, but I don’t think she’d have an easy time navigating around Wal*mart. She found Wegmans to be big and that’s before Wegmans became big but they still sold things like shirts but they didn’t have a food court or anything. I mean, I could never see Gram hauling this thing back from the small Wegmans and having it sitting on the back of the sink in her kitchen:

Big

I mean, look at the size of this bottle of Ajax. This thing is huge. 33% More! Triple Action! The power of three! I feel Charmed!

Now I suspect that Scott purchased this during one of his clandestine trips to Wal*mart. We call these trips clandestine because he knows my feelings towards Wal*mart but he insists that there are things that he can’t get anywhere else so I look the other way when he breaks the house rule of going to Wal*mart without being inebriated. These trips usually take two people but one has to stay in the car unless the other is reduced to crawling. He usually goes under the cover of darkness.

When I see this bottle of Ajax on our sink back, I realize that Grandma City would have needed a bucket truck, or at the very least a small pickup truck or using one of the smaller cousins as some sort of winch, to pick up this bottle of dish detergent. And because she would never do such a think to one of her grandchildren nor does she know how to drive a bucket truck and it was Grandma Country that had access to the pickup truck, we would have ended up using paper plates for the Official Thanksgiving Dinner™, which would have been lovely in it’s own way but not really what we would have enjoyed though we would have smiled politely.

And for that, I am thankful that we all live in our own time, make the best of it and then move on to our great reward.

 

 

1 Pulaski is pronounced with the ‘ski’ like a ‘sky’ (“big blue sky!”) and not a ‘ski’, which is in Virginia.

Short.

So here in the United States it’s a short work week unless you’re unfortunately working for a money hungry retail establishment that lacks common sense. I was holding out hope that the Christmas decorations would not be installed in some of my favorite haunts until Friday, but the Dunkin’ Donuts I visit on a daily basis has officially decked the halls. The folks behind the counter still get my order without me actually asking for it, so they can be forgiven.

The short work week is not as short as it was prior to this job, because the company does not recognize Friday as a holiday. I kinda find this surprising, but when you’re working for a large corporation I guess anything goes. I am working on Friday. I hope to feel inspired while I’m doing it too. At the very least I hope I am able to catch up on things that have been falling to the wayside. I’d be much more productive if I could telecommute. Since all I do is work on a computer and engage in conference calls, telecommuting is certainly a viable option and one where I would actually be much more productive, but some don’t see it that way. Their loss.

So we are plugging along during this short work week and pretending that we are going to get things accomplished when in fact it’s quite impossible to do so because half the people are burning off PTO (Personal Time Off) that is set to expire by the end of the year. It’s also “Holy Week” in these parts; the name of the week has nothing to do with spirituality, but rather all of the holes that are being shot through things in the woods as deer season has officially opened. I like being in the woods at this time of year, but I don’t like the idea of shooting at an animal that can’t shoot back. Now if the deer were armed I would find that sporting. Conversely, if the human wrestled the deer to the ground, then that would be sporting as well. I like sports that are evenly matched, Sarah Palin’s hunting helicopter be damned. But, to each his own, I guess. At least there’s food on the table.

So while we are suppose to be focused and whatnot this week, all I can think about is pie, candied yams, homemade applesauce and cheesecake. Closing my eyes I can conjure up memories of the smells of Grandma Country’s house at Thanksgiving. I’m very lucky that many of those same smells, with their own spin of course, come from the kitchen on Thanksgiving right at home. I’m a lucky husband.

Of course, because it’s a short week, I close my eyes to conjure up these things in my head whilst sitting in front of the computer at work, doing my best to be productive. These things happen.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hiss.

It is interesting being owned by a cat that is 16 years old and nearly deaf. Now before I get started, whether he is deaf or not is up to debate, because some think he has perfected the art of selective hearing but I think he’s gone deaf. Being his servants, it is still up to us to meet his needs whether he can hear us or not. It’s not his problem, it’s ours.

The reason I think Tom is deaf is because I can now walk up to him while he is napping/adding an abundance of fur to the furniture and he will just stay there sleeping. His ears will not twitch in our direction, nor will he stir in any way. I’m careful not to startle him but touching him when he’s sleeping but I do check to make sure he is still breathing. I don’t use a mirror to do that.

I woke him up by touching him a while back and it was the first and only time that he jumped up on all fours and hissed at me. Tom isn’t much of a hisser, he’s more of a bully. Over the years we’ve had a few dogs as guests and he just kind of puffs up and then walks over to guest dog and swipes them in the nose. The few times a cat has been in his territory he has screamed like a banshee, but he’s not much of a hisser. When he did hiss at me, he then recognized me and started purring and rubbing against me. I took this as some sort of apology. We made up.

Speaking of screaming like a banshee, though he can’t hear he still makes his needs known through vocal communication. The cute meow has been replaced by a shriek at seemingly ear-rattling decibels, especially when heard at 4:30 in the morning. In an effort to keep the blog family friendly, I will not use the words I have heard from others in the house when hearing these screeches. Despite these noises, I refrain from spooking him through touch when he’s sleeping. If we need to relocate him because he is in an inconvenient location (I know, shame on the servants for finding the king in an inconvenient location), I usually stomp on the floor, banging my foot hard enough on the ground to create a small seismic event. He then awakes and looks off in a completely different direction. I bang the foot again and he swings around and sees what’s up.

The other day I reminded him that he has another 22 years to go if he wants to outlive the oldest cat on record. We call her the “siamese wench.” She lives in Australia, and while she seems quite sweet on her YouTube video (which I can’t find using the iPad app) but Tom has his eyes on the prize.

Actually, I think he couldn’t care less, because he went and added some fur to the couch.

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Ice.

As I was getting settled in for some alone time during my lunch hour, I noticed a slight “tinkling” sound coming from the roof of the Jeep. A quick inspection of the situation revealed that it was not a seagull peeing on the Jeep because I didn’t share a piece of my cookie but rather the sound of hail hitting the car.

In response to the presence of winter weather conditions, I did what anyone in this area would normally do. I promptly flailed my arms in the air. No one was around to hear my cries of “Help me! Help me!”. I then started the Jeep, put the defroster on “recirculate” so that no outside air could get into the vehicle. This was to make sure that I was able to fog the windows up as quickly as possible, as recirculating the same air over and over produces a better fog. Once the fogging was in progress, I jammed the Jeep into four-wheel drive, slammed the accelerator down as hard as I could and went running up the embankment of the adjacent parking lot. Coming down the other side of said embankment in second gear and with a loud thud and bouncing motion, I then popped it back into two-wheel drive and made like a mad man across the parking lot, ignoring any arrows, lines or vehicular or pedestrian motion in the lot. I then pulled up in front of Dollar Tree, with the obligatory right front tire up on the curb so that I could take up as much of the fire lane as possible, and then ran inside, huffing and panting about the ice. I grabbed a cart and with big swooping motions I was able to clear two shelves of bread and toilet paper into the cart. It was just a quick stop at the dairy section for six gallons of whole milk and four gallons of skim (I could mix the two later for 2%) and faster than Laverne and Shirley could get their Scooter Pies across the finish line, I made my wait through the checkstand and went outside, flinging everything from the cart helter skelter into the Jeep. I then got in, started it up and ignoring any traffic control devices that beckoned to the contrary, took off as quickly as possible for the closest hill where I could hide and write blog entries about how awful the weather is and come up with cute names like “Snowpacalypse”, “Snowvember”, “Snowcachoochoo” and “Snowmageddon”.

Then the ice turned to rain.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad