Ponderings and Musings

So here it is the second day of 2011 and I’m starting to realize that there’s whole New Year thing going on. It’s sort of odd on how this realization seems to happen around the same time every year. I’ll have to make a note to look into that.

In the past I have made a thousand and one resolutions in some sort of life revolution and of the thousand or so thoughts crammed onto a list in a year, maybe one or two stick. This year I have written down a list of goals instead of resolutions and even though they’re kind of the same thing I’m finding it easier to be goal oriented instead of having some sort of revolution about resolutions. Most of my goals are personal goals that I don’t intend on sharing on this public blog but some of the things I’m doing are kind of geeky and some are downright foolish and somewhat wish-oriented.

1. I’m reaching out to more people around me instead of being a surly hermit. I’m not going to friend you on Facebook and the like unless I actually have met you or have the intention of our paths crossing some time this year, but nevertheless I’m not going to be the loner standing in the corner. You know the guy in the corner, the one that looks like he could go postal even though he looks like a bald Richie Cunningham.

2. I am organizing my life a bit better so I can concentrate on being creative or actually focus on whatever task I am working on instead of trying to remember everything that I aneed to remember. This involves the use of sync’d up software called “OmniFocus“, which is based on the “Getting Things Done” methodology by David Allen, which is discussed here. I despise written “to-do” lists and have always tried to find ways to maintain these things in an electronic method; OmniFocus works well for me. There are other software packages that do this but so far I’m loving OmniFocus. I am lucky that I have a husbear that gave me the budget to embark on this little project. (I made a note to thank him before 03 Jan 11).

3. It’s probably evident that I’ve started blogging in the long-form “traditional” way again, like I used to do with more regularity. I’m going to continue to do that, because sometimes life is too fantastic, intriguing or just damn good to share in 140 characters or less.

4. I noticed that my tendency to take random photos fell back when I moved from the iPhone to the Droid back in April ’10. Over the past week or so I have made a concerted effort to take more photos using the Droid and about one third of the time there was angst when the camera app wanted to be forced to quit or the picture wouldn’t save. I love the openness of the Android platform but I just want the damn thing to work and quite frankly I miss the “fit and finish” of the iPhone. While I can’t move back to AT&T for at least a year and I am quite pleased with Verizon’s service, I am really hoping that Apple releases a Verizon iPhone sometime soon so I can make the switch back to Apple. If it doesn’t happen (and the rumors are wrong), I am seriously considering buying an iPod Touch and using that as my phone in conjunction with my Skype number and the Verizon MiFi hotspot I always carry around with me.

5. I want to experience a hurricane sometime in 2011. And a tornado. I’m talking having to run to the basement and being scared out of my wits. I don’t want to die or anything, I want to live.

I am very happy with where I am in my life and I think by setting goals (including the majority not listed here), 2011 is going to be a fantastic year. I am a very lucky man to have found the sweet spot of what I’ll freely admit is the beginning of my middle-aged years.  I couldn’t do it without the husbear and family and friends I have. I’m looking forward to many paths crossing and personally growing in 2011.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

I have been in a bit of a ‘retro’ mood lately. That has to be the way I’m thinking these days because otherwise I’d have to admit that I am getting old and I’m certainly not about to do that.

It all started at the beginning of last week during my morning commute. Because I don’t like to go the same way twice, which by the way is very difficult to achieve when you do a daily commute, I have started breaking my commute into two pieces: half Thruway and half back roads. Both are the same distance both in mileage and in time, so it doesn’t really matter which way I go, but I digress.

As I exited the Thruway at one of the smallest interchanges they have (there is usually one lone toll attendant here), I noticed that with the lack of trees I was able to see an old bridge that appeared to lead right into the side of a hill. It wasn’t always this way and with a few more careful observations, I could see the online of where a road used to go before the Thruway. This got me to daydreaming about what life was like when the pace was a little bit slower and people were generally less impatient and kinder to one another.

I then started listening to the “70s on 7” station from Sirius/XM at my desk and found myself wanting to buy no less than 200 songs that I haven’t heard since the days of sitting in the back seat of my Dad’s ’71 Heavy Chevy as we listened to the AM radio together. (The station was 62 WHEN). I’m loving the older music a lot (it goes hand in hand with my ‘Stars on 45’ tastes) and this morning I actually changed the station in the car when NPR played a snippet of some new rap tune that is going to be the sensation of 2011.

Then to celebrate the holidays, Earl and I watched “White Christmas”. The story is a little hokey but the humor doesn’t have to be bawdy to be funny. I’m now in the mood to watch some more movies from that era. Not only do I want to be entertained but I also want to escape.

Some have noticed that my online presence is a little more erratic. One noted that my blog entries are becoming more regular. I say more here, and less there.

I guess when everyone wants it today and expects it yesterday, it’s good to take the time to write more than 140 characters or watch a movie that didn’t require a blue screen to be made or even listen to a song devoid of auto tune.

I guess I just like taking the old back roads.

One of the important elements of Christmas that has been missing for us the last couple of years is the ability to relax and enjoy the holiday for what it is. The tinny tunes (yes I said ‘tinny’) always go on and on about the hustle and the bustle, but when you’re in a hustle and a bustle the entire year, one needs to find the opportunity to just sit down and relax a little bit.

Luckily, Earl and I found just what we needed for this Christmas holiday. We didn’t do much of anything during the day yesterday, save for me wrapping all the gifts I needed to wrap. I didn’t get worked up about having to do this chore and subsequently the presents looked rather presentable this morning under the tree. There were no wads of paper disguised as a convenient carrying handle on the gifts; boxes were wrapped in rectangles and I even took all the leftover scraps and made a clever looking wrapping for one of Earl’s presents. It didn’t look white trashy or anything.

Since Jamie was headed to his parents today, last night Earl, Jamie and I had our Christmas Eve dinner and as usual the husbear cooked quite a feast. Then we watched “Despicable Me” before calling it a night. We were quite relaxed when we hit the hay, but honestly who can sleep on Christmas Eve night? This morning we made our way through the presents this morning and there were quite a few surprises. In 1982 my sister and I were wide-eyed when we unwrapped our Atari 2600; this morning I as wide-eyed when I unwrapped myAtari 2600 and 10 classic games all contained inside a classically styled joystick. Other retro gifts included a turntable, so I can record my 12-inch singles into MP3 format. Jamie and Earl both enjoyed their gifts as well, then Earl made breakfast and Jamie was on his way to see his folks. Earl and I relaxed for a bit before heading up to a low-key Christmas celebration with the country side of my family. I enjoyed the visit very much and Earl and I took the long way home to admire the lights on homes as we made our way back through the countryside. Someone tried to kill us by running a stop sign and causing me to slam on the brakes and put the Jeep into a skid, but I was so relaxed that I was able to handle the ordeal without even so much as a curse or racing of the heart; one hand went to protect Earl and the other just controlled the skidding Jeep. Being relaxed helped me deal with it in an intelligent sort of way. So tonight Earl and I are now just bringing Christmas 2010 to an end in a quiet way. Phone calls have been made, messages have been exchanged and most importantly, love and good cheer has been shared. Sigh. Life is good. In fact, life is very good.

So last night Earl and I went out and did what I sincerely hope is the last of the holiday shopping experience of 2010. Naturally, we will probably shop like crazy after the holidays, because that’s what we do for our anniversary (our commitment ceremony anniversary is Sunday), but hopefully by then the Christmas carols playing over the speaker have come to an end and once again there will be nothing but an uptempo ditty designed to get your heart racing over the latest sale assaulting our ears.

Phew I write a lot of words in a sentence. I’ve come a long way since “See Jack run.”. But I digress.

Last night we went to the local Target. I hinted at stopping at K-mart but Earl gave me the “really?” look (in a butch way, Brett) so we opted for Target. The place was a bit of a madhouse. I will never understand why retailers don’t have all of their registers open at this time of yea, because if you’re not going to max out number of checkout lanes opened during the holiday rush, you’re never going to max them out and quite frankly that’s fiscally irresponsible. Plus it makes me cranky. Why buy register 16 if you’re not going to use it?

One of the things that bothers me a little bit about Target is the outdated practice of making you pay for electronics items in the electronics department. They have the technology to tie everything together inventory wise, in a database that was probably free. They also have the technology to make sirens go off, doors close and lights flash if you have something you haven’t paid for. They also have the technology to make your cart wheels lock up and refuse to turn if you go in an unauthorized area with said cart. Why then do I have to pay for an electronic gadget, the size of deck of cards, at the electronics counter? I had to stand behind a woman who was trying to buy a digital camera. She wanted to know if it had wi-fi for her cell phone and if it came with ink. I just wanted to buy the (insert electronic stocking stuffer here) and get on with my shopping excursion before I lost Earl, because he has a habit of running wildly through the store with a cart as soon as I get out of his sight. I can turn to pick up a bag of kitty litter off the shelf and go to turn back to put it in the cart and he’s gone off somewhere on the other side of the store like frozen foods or by the guns.

I don’t know if the woman found the ink for her camera.

One other thing I noticed is that today’s shopper has no idea on how to navigate the checkout lanes that are two deep. They are designed so you can progress through them without having to mingle with other lanes of waiting people.

Perhaps they need to put up gates.

I can finally say that I am feeling glimmers of the holiday spirit that we are suppose to feel this time of year. I wasn’t really feeling much of anything, outside of anger, because I was feeling too much stress. I was worried that I wasn’t going to find the right gift for loved ones, I didn’t really want to travel all over creation for 15 minute stops here and there,the thought of going to the mall depresses me and quite frankly I think I would have more fun shopping online if I had a credit card reader built into the keyboard and the website in question made a “ching-ching” noise when you clicked submit. Pavlovian response and all that.

My mood changed late last week and continued to improve through the weekend. I blame it on that awful show “Glee”, because as ridiculous as elements of the Christmas episode plot line were, there was still a healthy dose of good cheer in there.

Simplicity is what it’s about. In a world of flashing lights, blaring music, friends youve never met and bits and bytes of love, one has to remember that you can make this holiday season whatever you want it to be, and to me the answer was simplicity. Don’t try to dazzle Earl was an outrageous gift, give him something that you think he’ll truly enjoy. Sit on the sidelines and watch a group of friends travel across the state to be with one of their own, just to play some Wii, eat some food and laugh a lot. Go to the holiday party and chat with the cousins who have always loved you for who you are. Share some tears with loved ones just because the appreciate the words you wrote in their Christmas card. Simplicity. That’s what it’s about. And I’m feeling it; I’m simply feeling the holiday spirit.

At lunch time I often get an iced tea from the Dunkin’ Donuts closest to work. Like all fast food establishments, it’s a crap shoot as to who is going to open that sliding drive thru window. Sometimes it’s a raging bitch of a woman who’s been making the donuts since 0500, other times it’s a girl so stoned that she’ll hand you a puppy and think it’s a glass of iced tea, but from time to time there is a crusty ol’ gal that sounds like Suzanne Pleschette and calls me ‘hun’. She’s always got a smile on her face and one time when I was in the store I heard her say she had to leave on time to go to her other job. Working two jobs sucks, but shes there smiling and doing her thing.

Today she opened the drive thru window and I wished her a Happy Holidays and told her to keep the change from the order. The amount I gave her isn’t important. The genuine smile and the “thank you” said it all.

I simply shared some of the spirit I found. The simplicity of a smile.

It was 1990 and I was living in Jamestown, New York. I had just returned to Jamestown in September, having lived in greater Boston with a really cool tech-job for what was at the time the second largest computer company in the world. I had made some unfortunate choices thinking I would find something better with the move. There was also a strong element of me trying to hold on to some good feelings from my past with that move to Jamestown and while I don’t regret any choices I have made, I certainly wouldn’t dub that era a “shining moment” of my life.

I was working in the layaway department of the long-gone Hills Department Store. The folks found that I was really good at that sort of thing and were planning on adding me to the sound and video department of the store after the holidays. I was often called up front to run a register and always ended up on register 16, the express lane. It was on the end of the network loop so it ran the slowest. My speed and efficiency as a cashier apparently helped in this situation. I wore an off-purple vest.

It was Christmas Eve. I had no one special in my life. My parents lived 275 miles away. I was scheduled to work until the store closed at 1800. I wore a Santa hat for the occasion. Along with the little beard, the get up either made me look like a young Kris Kringle or a big elf. It was snowing like hell and the express lane was populated with men buying last minute gifts for their loved ones. Their faces indicated stress. I wanted to see my family.

The plan was to leave right after work and make the trek to my folks in time for church. We closed the store and I jumped on Route 60 with hopes of hitting the Thruway. Everyone was driving slowly and and foolishly and then a deer decided he was angry because he didn’t have “rein” before that which describes his species so he ran across Route 60 to get that beat Hyundai. I slammed on the brakes and slid to the right, barely missing a sign declaring I was at a Parking Area. I spun my tires and backed up and into the Parking Area and composed my thoughts.

I look skyward and speaking to whomever I thought was god at the time, I said “I just want to go home for Christmas. Once I do that, it’ll all be better.”

With that I continued my trek up to the Thruway and headed home in crazy snow for most of the trip. What should have taken four and a half hours extended to nearly six; I made to my folks just in time to go to the Methodist church in town for the candlelight Christmas Eve service. I remember thinking a loud “thank you” in my head for making it home safely.

That is when I truly felt the Christmas spirit and that carols and the lights and the candles and being with my family made me feel like it was all good. I can’t tell you what I got that year for a gift, save for a videotape of Madonna’s “Justify My Love” because I always remember dirty things, but shortly after that holiday I left Hills when I was hired full-time as a house manager for the local ARC. With that I found my path again and was able to make the move to where we live today.

It was in 1990 that I found my path and found myself back where I belonged. And it was the Christmas spirit that put me there.

So a while back I was doing the “inside work routine” thing at work, which involves walking at a high speed pace around what I refer to as the ‘racetrack’ since the it just goes around the outside of the middle of the building, which is square, and I was walking along minding my own business when I was walking by the ladies’ room. A woman was coming out of there and I looked away because I didn’t want to see anything that was going to make me blush. At least I tried to look away but I caught a quick glimpse in the door and was shocked at what I saw.

The ladies’ room has a lounge. I found this perplexing and when I mentioned it to my friend Sandy, she confirmed what I saw and added that they have a couple of chairs, a couch and a television in this little area of their rest room suite. This lounge is completely separate from the actual bathroom (a desire to call it a ‘relieving station’ came to mind and I have no idea why). The ladies can ‘rest’ in comfort with their favorite show and then kick back on the couch to recover from the whole ideal.

Wow.

Sandy asked about the men’s room, which I confirmed is one room with a small vestibule that contains an overflowing garbage can. The men’s room has “four standers and four sitters”. There is a telephone truck hazard cone in one of “the sitters”. Someone was generous enough to supply us with a can of Lysol air freshener and a stern note advising us not to drop bits of paper towel on the floor has been added to the decor. There is no air ventilation, no clock, no muzak and no ambience. It’s not horrible as far as men’s rooms go; the last place I worked at rarely had toilets that actually flushed and the men’s room was so small that you had to back into the stall to get a good seat, so I am quite grateful for the men’s room we have at work but why this disparity in rest room arrangements made me ponder a few things.

1. Do women actually enjoy socializing in the ladies’ room before or after their business? Once in a while one of the higher level management guys will continue a conference call on his cell phone whilst doing his other business and if you’re in there at the same time I guess it’s rude to do a little toot-toot serenade.

2. Why is there a television in the bathroom? There’s also a television in the cafeteria, which makes sense because people like to sit in there and watch tv whilst on their break and/or working on the big puzzle on one of the tables.

3. Why do the ladies get two rooms versus the one room (with hazard cone!) for the men?

Now I could get all high and mighty and start screaming about battles of sexes, inequality and become indignant about the whole thing but I really don’t want to. This isn’t a rant, it’s an observation.

I’m just going to sit down and ignore the conference call.

I know I have mentioned this during past holiday seasons, but I get really angry when I hear “My Favorite Things”, usually the recording by Barbra Streisand, presented as a Christmas tune. It’s not a Christmas tune. It’s a show tune. It’s sung during a thunderstorm in the cinematic presentation of “The Sound of Music”. Quite frankly, Julie Andrews sings it better than Barbra. It works during a thunderstorm but it does not work being blared into your ear by a low-fidelity PA speaker made by Dukane, said speaker being designed to bark out a price check for tampons.

I have been told that “My Favorite Things” is considered a Christmas tune because it talks about “brown paper packages tied up with string”. Where I come from that means porn. And even if it doesn’t mean porn, this would indicate to me that Christmas is about presents, gifts and gettin’ some loot under the tree. There’s that whole “snowflakes on noses” business going on but that could anytime in the winter and in the 42 years that I have been on this planet I can’t once name a circumstance where I saw “raindrops on roses” during the Christmas season.

For the love all that we purport is holy, please stop playing “My Favorite Things” and then claiming it’s a Christmas tune. It’s not a Christmas tune. It’s not even a generic holiday tune. It’s a show tune. And one to be sung during a scary thunderstorm, and only if you’re a nanny that’s been a nun.

It was a while back, August of ’09 to be vaguely exact, that I declared that I would never drink again. This declaration seemed to rattle some people but it was something that I felt I needed to do. Many would ask why I had given up drinking any alcohol and I was always honest with them: “I enjoyed getting buzzed and I foolishly tried to drive a fairly expensive sports car (the RSX) while buzzed.” Curious that I never drove the Jeep whilst buzzed. Anyway, I have never been stopped for drinking and I have never had a “close call” but I fully recognize that my daring act was stupid (to put it mildly) and therefore I needed to stop doing what was prompting me to be stupid. I’m not a stupid person, why should I act so stupidly? On the couple of occasions that I have had a beer since this declaration, Earl or Jamie has been the designated driver and I haven’t tried to drive the Acura whilst buzzed. However, the couple of times that I have drank alcohol since my declaration, I made the realization that whilst a buzz feels good (I once remarked that it quiets down the noise in my head), I don’t really miss getting buzzed at all but I do miss the taste of beer.

I like beer. I like the taste of beer. I like holding a beer bottle at a summer barbecue or at a street party or, on the very rare occasion that I go to a bar these days, at a bar. I like sitting in a pub, eating bar food and drinking beer. I like hanging with the crowd and kicking back with beer. I like all that. However, I don’t particularly enjoy the buzz anymore, but I do miss the occasion and good times that I associate with drinking beer.

So I’m on the hunt for a good NA (non-alcoholic) beer. I have tried a few, mostly while in Toronto earlier this year and quite frankly I think the Canadians could do better in that department, and I have to say that the look I got when I asked for a NA beer was a little disconcerting. This could be my own hang up, because while I mention that most ask why I stopped drinking, some folks got downright surly at the fact that I would not be getting drunk with them. Looks of shock and disbelief would pepper the conversation at a family gathering or at a holiday party or what have you but in those circumstances I just got obstinate, dug my heels into the floor and refused any alcohol although frankly I would really have enjoyed a beer because of my liking for the taste. When one tells me that I should do something contrary to what I want to do, I’m sure as hell going to do exactly what I want to do and not budge on it. And I’ll probably be a bit cranky about it.

But I digress.

So if anyone can recommend a good NA beer, I would love to hear from you. As we march through “the most wonderful time of the year” (with the craptastic music blaring to remind us that it’s just what they declare it to be and we MUST be happy about it), I will not be drinking any alcohol whatsoever, including wine, egg nog (which I find to be disgusting), champagne or some girly drink like a mai-tai, a foo foo or a chocolate martini with Ready-Whip on top. And for the record, I like making love at midnight and I like getting caught in the rain but I do not like pina coladas.

Near Beer. Tell me what to get.

^**For the record, I have no issues with those that want to get drunk responsibly, in fact I’ll help out with the driving. And if you want to use whip-cream at a bar, go for it. Just let me watch.

I am writing this blog entry after just getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of pajamas to come down stairs and do the “it’s a holiday morning” thing. This got me to thinking ; this quite normal activity for me might actually be strange for others because I put on pajamas when I got up. I call them my “yuppie pajamas” because the top and bottom match, in lieu of wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants. I feel like I should be matching someone else in these things, kind of like I’m ready for a Christmas morning photo because they’re plaid. Pajamas always seem to involve plaid. I don’t know if it’s because of the flannel or because plaid makes people happy, but here they are, plaid.

I have mentioned before that I enjoy sleeping in the nude. Even if it’s 40 degrees outside and I’m in a tent in a sleeping bag. Wearing clothes to bed seems quite foreign to me. I remember as a kid I would always get out of my clothes in some manner during the night and then have to put them back on when I went downstairs to join the family for the morning. When I was 16 I spent the night with my grandmother and my aunt at the house while the rest of the family was at a cabin at the beach and my grandmother came in to check on me and made some noise about “my bare ass hanging out”. (I don’t like to think that my ass “hangs”, by the way, since some have said that it is one of my better attributes.) I just don’t want to get all knotted up in some clothes that are going to be covered by blankets anyway. And I like a lot of blankets; usually about 7, not including the sheets but definitely including at least two quilts.

So here I am in my matching pajamas which are keeping me warm after getting out of bed. I am ready for the holiday festivities to begin.

In plaid.