Ponderings and Musings

The daily update on the internal website at work occasionally has some nuggets of wisdom that make me feel just a little bit better. Today is one of those days. I plan on keeping these sentiments in the forefront as we move into 2012.

12/30/2011
Once a year, we post this essay written by Ann Landers for Jan. 1, 1997. Don’t groan – take a glance at it and you may see some good thoughts for 2012. Happy New Year!

Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t find the time for. Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge and replace it with some pleasant memories. Share a funny story with someone whose spirits are dragging. A good laugh can be very good medicine.

Vow not to make a promise you don’t think you can keep. Pay a debt. Give a soft answer. Free yourself of envy and malice. Encourage some youth to do his or her best. Share your experience and offer support. Young people need role models.

Make a genuine effort to stay in closer touch with family and friends. Stop magnifying small problems and shooting from the lip. Words that you have to eat can be hard to digest.

Find the time to be kind and thoughtful. All of us have the same allotment: 24 hours a day. Give a compliment. It might give someone a badly needed lift.

Think things through. Forgive an injustice. Listen more. Be kind. Apologize when you realize you are wrong. An apology never diminishes a person. It elevates him. Don’t blow your own horn. If you’ve done something praiseworthy, someone will notice eventually.

Try to understand a point of view that differs from yours. Little is all one way or another. Examine demands you make on others.

Lighten up. When you feel like blowing your top, ask yourself, “Will it matter a week from today?” Laugh the loudest when the joke is on you. The sure way to have a friend is to be one. We are all connected by your humanity, and we need each other. Avoid malcontents and pessimists. They drag you down and contribute nothing.

Don’t discourage a beginner from trying something risky. Nothing ventured means nothing gained. Be optimistic. The can-do spirit is the fuel that makes things go.

Go to war against animosity and complacency. Express your gratitude. Give credit when it’s due – and even when it isn’t. It will make you look good. Read something uplifting. Deep-six the trash. You wouldn’t eat garbage, why put it in your head? Don’t abandon your old-fashioned principles. They never go out of style. When courage is needed, ask yourself, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Take better care of yourself. Remember, you’re all you’ve got. Pass up that second helping. You really don’t need it. Vow to eat more sensibly. You’ll feel better and look better, too. Don’t put up with secondhand smoke. Nobody has the right to pollute your air or give you cancer. If someone says, “This is a free country,” remind him or her that the country may be free but no person is free if he has a habit he can’t control.

Return those books you borrowed. Reschedule that missed dental appointment. Clean out your closet. Take those photos out of the drawer and put them in an album. If you see litter on the sidewalk, pick it up. Give yourself a reality check. Phoniness is transparent and tiresome. Take pleasure in the beauty and the wonders of nature.

Walk tall and smile more. You’ll look 10 years younger. Don’t be afraid to say “I love you.” Say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world. If you have love in your life, it can be the best year ever.

So every holiday season Earl and I like to reward a server in a restaurant with a larger than normal tip. It’s our way of saying “thank you” to those that are squarely unappreciated by the public as a whole. The folks that strive to bring us a pleasant dining experience should be appreciated. We’ve seen too many well-intentioned folks get hollered at by surly customers, though on the flip side we’ve had a few that have rubbed us the wrong way but in even the worst of situations we’ve tried to keep it classy.

I think I’m digressing.

With the events and subsequent traveling that has taken place during the month of December, Earl and I have been eating out more than normal. I think it was when we were down in Bucks County, Pa. that I started asking him “Is this the one?”, referring to the server that we would reward with our holiday tip. I guess we weren’t feeling it because we kept our tipping at our standard approximately 20%, though we did give a slight bit extra to the lovely server that helped us out at that bistro that sits in the middle of Cherry Hill Mall in Cherry Hill, N.J.

Today Earl and I went shopping with the rest of the world, per our usual custom of buying ourselves something on the 26th of December, which is the anniversary of our original commitment ceremony. (Our wedding rings have been worn for 15 years as of today!) Since tomorrow is work day, I wanted to get home from the shopping excursion at a reasonable time, so we headed home from Albany around 4:30 p.m. Now I have mentioned a hundred or more times that I don’t really like driving the Thruway anymore, it’s wicked boring and since I could potentially drive the road everyday for work, I don’t really get my kicks on the toll road anymore. So I started heading home on Route 20. As we made our way to the outskirts of Albany, I asked Earl what he was in the mood for in the way of a meal on the way home. He said he didn’t care as long as he didn’t cook, and then he rattled off a few suggestions.

One of the cool things about US Route 20 in the eastern part of the Empire State is that it’s rural. Really rural. Like, there’s nothing but farm land rural. When he began mentioning a few places like a diner, or a Panera or a locally owned family restaurant, I suddenly realized that the best I would be able to drum up on our way home was the McDonalds attached to a gas station in the small village of Richfield Springs.

I turned north and headed to my stomping grounds around work. I instantly knew where I wanted to go; an Italian bistro that is creatively named “Plaza’s Italian Bistro” in the small city of Gloversville.

Our server’s name was Isaiah. A young lad in his 20s or so, he was very courteous, very efficient and more importantly, very charismatic and friendly without forcing it or being obnoxious about it. We often compare the friendliness of the server to a woman named Linda who worked at a place named Jack Appleseed’s back in the day; she would put her head up in the lamp that hung over the table and say she was wearing a hat. Then she would snort with laughter, somewhat like Chrissy Snow on “Three’s Company”.

That wasn’t our thing.

Since Isaiah went out of our way to make our dining experience comfortable, pleasant and not too rushed or not too long, he was dubbed the “holiday recipient of the week” where we tipped him generously and added a happy face and a hearty, handwritten “Happy New Year”. We left the restaurant right after signing the bill. As we walked outside, I saw Earl look in one of the windows, where Isaiah was picking up the bill, saw the note and the tip and looked around (presumably for us) and then smiled.

We hope he had a great night. We certainly did.

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I haven’t been sleeping very well the last couple of nights. The stress of the holidays, the passing of our fathers, worrying about getting everything that is expected to get done for both personal and work stuff getting done, these things have been weighing heavily on my mind.
 
I sometimes forget that I have a history of needlessly worrying. It’s something that I leaned when I was a young boy. You think that after all these years I would know better.
 
I found joy in the day when I saw everyone’s eyes light up as they were opening their gifts this morning. Though my exercises in shopping were rather hurried this year, it seems that I still did something right, because the genuine pleasure displayed when folks opened their gifts warmed my heart. My mother had wanted tickets to see “Celtic Woman” when they came to town, but she didn’t know that I new that. She was very emotional when she found out that she had tickets to the show. Earl seemed to love the gifts that I got him.  Scott and Jamie were excited about their gifts as well. Sharing happiness, that’s what the holiday are about.  Spread some joy. 
 
We made the trek to my Dad’s house where members of that side of the family were assembled.  A mixture of tears, smiles and conversation. All good. Then we went to have dinner with my mom, where we shared more smiles, tears and conversation.  Again, all good.
 
I was afraid that I wouldn’t find joy in the holiday this year, but again, I worried for no reason. For there was much joy to be found and much joy to be shared.  

It must have been the sound of reindeer hooves on the roof that woke me up just a few minutes ago.

A joyous Christmas to all!

I have no idea what day it is today. Rumor has it that it is Friday and people are wearing jeans at the office today, but the fact that people are wearing jeans and the rumor that it is Friday aren’t necessarily related, because people wear jeans a lot. It saves on the dry cleaning, which in turn saves the environment which, among other things, gives our company the ability to say “we’re green!”.

I can’t really determine which day it is by using people bringing food into the office as any sort of barometer either, because I brought in food today. We all signed up for different days of the month to bring in food to share with the rest of the group so that we could have our own zip code by January 1. Earl has been out of town on business, so last night we had a discussion of where I was suppose to pour bags A and B into crockpots C and D and then slather with slathering stuff E and F. I have received several compliments on the swedish meatballs, sweet and sour meatballs and barbecued little weiners, so apparently I did something right. Perhaps I should change my DJ moniker to DJ Heat-n-Serve. I suppose it’s better than DJ Poppin’ Fresh. Both make me giggle.

I had yesterday off because I am on-call this week. I work tomorrow but I didn’t work Monday due to being in the greater Philadelphia region with my in-laws. I’m off next Tuesday, again, due to on-call and there are rumors that Christmas hasn’t arrived yet so I’m going to do all my non-online shopping on Tuesday. I also have a lunch appointment with our friend Mike, whom we haven’t seen in nearly a year, so that will be nice.

So I guess I am certain that today is Friday (hah, I just typed Tuesday and had to correct it) and that it’s still the tail-end of 2011. Spirits are good, I’ve just been in another, another world (as opposed to be my own little world that I’m usually in). Yesterday was spent with family and the weekend will be sort of revolving doorish with me working, determining if we still want to get a Christmas tree and the like. I can’t wait for everything to get back on track the day after I go shopping next week, where I will then work two days and have four days off for the Christmas weekend.

It’ll all make sense.

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With the all the changes in our lives the past couple of weeks I feel like I have turned some corner around a major point in my life. Going back to work I find myself asking questions on the projects that I am working on and not getting emotional or stressed about it in the process. I’m still passionate, I’m just not raving about it. I was out the door five minutes earlier than my normal time, and getting out then felt good. I worked out this morning, doubling the number of situps I did the last time I worked out in our makeshift gym in the basement. I want to make another run at working out this evening after work.

I feel like my priorities have changed a little bit and it’s all for the better. I want to do what needs to be done in regards to my father’s affairs and the like. On the other hand, I really want the world to slow down a bit so that I can catch my breath. I don’t feel stressed as much as I just feel there’s a lot to do. I want to be able to sit down, with no expectation or no upcoming plans, and just enjoy not doing anything for a little bit.

This isn’t the time for that. And that’s okay for now.

Turning this corner and entering this new part of my life is good. It’s different and right now it’s rather sad, but in the long run it’ll be good. One of Earl’s colleagues wrote that boys don’t really become men until their father has passed on and it is then that we carry on their legacy.

I get that. Having turned this corner, that’s how I feel.

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So I’m sitting in the Jeep at lunchtime, after a morning’s worth of work. I had a good number of emails to catch up on when I got in and reports for November were due before close of business today. I’m happy to say that I was able to still beat the deadline.

Everyone is expressing their condolences with me today and they are all much appreciated. I thanked my supervisor for the cooperation of the company during this difficult time. He said it went without saying, I still think it’s nice to say thank you. I also had to let him know that my father-in-law is not doing well and that I might some additional time off to be with my in-laws. He was perfectly understanding.

As an avid people watcher, there is a part of me that was fascinated by the folks that I shook hands with and hugged during my Dad’s calling hours Monday night. Each human being is so unique. No two people said or did the same thing. I love that.

So today I work and do what needs to be done. I find comfort, satisfaction and enjoyment in doing this.

I even find myself smiling from time to time.

My sister and brother-in-law just left after an afternoon visit. We spent most of the time going through the family photo albums looking for photos of my Dad to display at the calling hours and memorial service. It’s not easy to summarize 64 years in 40 photographs. We made a decent attempt.

I haven’t left the house today. Everyone at my dad’s thought I needed downtime today because I’ve been going non-stop since the crash answering phones, answering questions and coordinating things. If this were to happen again I guess I would need an assistant. On second thought, my family here at home has been very helpful. Scott spent the day adding to the outside Christmas decorations he put up yesterday. They look beautiful. Jamie scanned all the photos we selected. He was kind enough to crop out my ex. That made me happy.

Even though I haven’t left the house today I am exhausted. Oddly, the blahs that I felt a few months ago have not returned. This should be a good thing. My sister remarked that dad smiles a lot in all the photos. I need to remember that and follow his lead.

It was nice to visit and reminisce today. I feel centered. I’m ready for the services tomorrow and Tuesday. There is comfort in knowing that I feel ready.

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