Love.

Earl and I have talked about this day for a long, long time. Today we were going to be sailing on a cruise ship to Alaska, jumping off the nearest glacier and roam with the wildlife for a little bit. Afterwards, we would leave the cruise ship behind, jump into a Jeep and trek up the Dalton Highway, 414 miles northward to Deadhorse, Alaska, where we’d do a polar bear cannonball into the Arctic Ocean, dry off, warm up, spend the night and head back south.

That was how we were going to spend the tenth anniversary of our commitment ceremony. Today is the day. Earl and I are eligible for a Duran Duran CD, for we have been as married as NYS law will allow for a decade.

We didn’t do as we had dreamed. We always talk big, but we went the simple route today. We shopped in Syracuse, I growled at a few people talking on their cell phone and we amused ourselves by watcing a young couple TURN OFF THE ESCALATOR so that they could transport their empty baby buggy down it. We had dinner at Smokey Bones.

We kept it simple, we kept it sweet and we liked it that way.

October 13, 1996.

Originally uploaded by macwarriorny.

We’d only been living together for a month. Heck, we’d only been dating for six months. He’d met the family once or twice and my father still referred to him as “the guy with the tattoo on his leg.” I’d met his family and they didn’t know what to think of me. They were wondering how the two of us fit into a single bed that one weekend we’d spent with them. And here we were climbing a mountain in the Adirondacks together.

What had Earl gotten himself into?

“There better be something worth looking at up here”, he proclaimed. “There is, I promise”, hoping to sound reassuring. I was loving the experience, the smell of the autumn air, the unusually warm October day, the vibrant colors found at this time of year in this part of the state.

A small notion at the back of my head made me wonder if Earl really had known what he’d gotten himself into when he saddled up with the likes of me. We traveled the well-worn path hrough the trees. The climb was steady, but not terribly difficult. There had been enough traffic through here to keep any sort of wildlife quiet. I had to remember that I had fallen in love with a “city boy” of sorts who, while not afraid of a challenge by any means, still had to wash his hands after petting a cow or still was amazed at the “hair styles” on the chickens at the State Fair.

And here I was taking him to the top of a mountain.

After the half hour or so climb, we came upon a rocky, flat area. We had reached the top. Twenty or so people in groups of different sizes, some accompanied by their dogs, had already reached the same destination. And they were overlooking the Fulton Chain of Lakes just as we were. The beauty was inspiring. The vibe was serene.

The moment was *perfect*.

We took in a few moments of scenery when I turned to Earl, took him by the hand, and led him off the rocky area and onto a bed of pine needles. The evergreens loomed majestically over us.

I looked at him for a moment, my stomach churned as I took a breath and he looked at me, and almost instinctively knew what I was about to do.

“Don’t do it unless you mean it.”, he cautioned. He was already tearing up.

It was at that moment that I got down on my knee, in front of twenty people in groups of various sizes, some accompanied by their dogs, and said, “The past six months have been amazing. I think I’ve been looking for you all my life. Will you marry me?”

I was tearing up myself at that point.

It was then that he responded with a “yes”.

It was kind of odd that I proposed to him, or that he would even propose to me, because Earl and I don’t really fit into the “traditional roles” that most expect of gay couples. We both can be very aggressive. We both can be very passive. We both can lead and both of us can follow. It’s a matter of synchronization I guess, and well, because it was meant to be, it works for us.

So it was ten years ago today that Earl and I said that “yes, we will get ready to say ‘I do'”. It’s not really your traditional anniversary, but then again, we’ve always done our own thing.

And yes, I’d do it all over again without hesitation. What can I say? I’m in love.

I have a date tonight. That’s right, instead of coming home after work, throwing on some comfortable clothes and sizzling up some supper, I’m going to stay in my work duds and go out to dinner tonight with someone special.

That would be Earl, by the way.

He’s out of town in the thriving metropolis of Schenectady for the overnight, and since it’s a reasonable drive to get there, I’m going to join him for dinner tonight. He’s been talking about a restaurant that he’s wanted to take me to for a while now, and since I’m getting out of work at 4:00 p.m., I can make it there and back with plenty of time to sleep tonight.

I know it’s easier for some than for others, but I think it’s important for couples to set aside some quality time, away from the computer, away from the Blackberry and away from the household concerns that sometimes consume our relationships. It’s good for people in love to get together just for the sake of getting together and enjoying some quality time. Whether you’ve been together for a month or a decade, togetherness is always good.

I’ll just have to remember that it’s a date tonight and that I need to refrain from putting my sleeves in whatever sauce is on my plate or licking the salad dressing off my elbows.

Home.

Originally uploaded by macwarriorny.

Earl was gone on business for only two nights. He was just an e-mail or phone call away the entire time.

My week changed for the better just because he walked through the door an hour ago. My spirit soared.

Happiness.

I’m in a bit of a sentimental mood today. Work is going along as expected. My desk was not as cluttered as I thought it would be when I arrived, so that was a sigh of relief. I breezed through the 650+ e-mail messages that were waiting for me; it’s easy to do when you keep your finger on the “DELETE” key.

The reason I’m sentimental today is because I have a little bit of an empty feeling lurking about. You see, for the past 16 days or so, Earl and I have been together 24 hours a day, seven days a week. On our vacation we did everything together. We laughed, we cried, we giggled, we whispered, we shouted. We didn’t fight, except for one pissy moment I had because his Blackberry kept going off in Central Iowa. And we got through that before lunch.

It’s kind of weird when you’ve been sailing through life hand in hand non-stop and then you have to go to work and do your own thing for a little bit each day. Naturally it has to be done, and many people thrive in the opportunity, but I’m not wired that way. I came from a family that worked together and that played together. My dad works with his sister and brother, who worked for their mother and father, who all owned a business together. And a farm. And we still got together at our grandparents’ house every Sunday morning for coffee and donuts. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of a loner. And Earl’s presence doesn’t intrude on my solitude, he’s part of it. He’s part of me.

So even though it’s been a little over 10 years and we’ll be forging through the household chores together tonight, I’m a little sentimental today. I have a bit of a lump in my throat. I miss my friend. I can’t wait to give him a really big hug when I walk in the door tonight.

Earl is off to his business commitments for the day, so I’m sitting in our hotel room waiting for our laundry to finish doing it’s thing down on the second floor in the “Guest Laundry Area”. There’s 35 minutes left on the dryer.

I know some people think it’s crazy to do laundry while you’re on vacation but it makes packing much simpler plus you’re not overwhelmed with huge piles of laundry to do when you get back home. Aside from this hotel laundry experience, it’s actually interesting to go into a laundromat in a strange city. It really gets you in touch with the “locals”. One of our favorite memories of traveling is going to a laundromat outside of Las Vegas back in 2001. We were the only English speaking customers in the place, and maybe the only gay ones as well, but everyone was friendly and it was a unique experience to not be able to read the instructions on the washer or dryer, as they were all in Spanish. I like to think that on that day I expanded my horizons a little bit and learned something about the world around me. It expanded my view a little bit.

Speaking of expanding my view, we did end up going to the casino last night, where I sat down and played cards for the first time in my life. I played Blackjack. I lost $50. But I was proud of the fact that I lost $50 playing cards instead of watching the fruit whir by on a slot machine. Laura, the dealer at Casaer’s Indiana, did a wonderful job of helping me along after Earl pushed me out of the proverbial nest and had me doing my own thing. I now feel confident enough to play Blackjack whenever we go to a casino. In fact, we have another casino stop planned on the trip, in Deadwood, S.D., where we are going to meet up with our friends Tim and Gordon next week.

Earl kicked ass at Texas Hold ‘Em. His business associate was not amused, claiming that Earl is a “lucky bastard”. I think Earl was charming the two dealers, a fun older woman named Rose who needed a box to stand on to reach the table and Derek who would have distracted me away from the game had I sat down at his table. It’s a shame no cameras or cell phones with camera were allowed in the casino.

Anyways, after I get done fluffing and folding, I’m going to take a walking tour of the downtown area here in Louisville and see what’s a typical Monday is like. When Earl gets done with his meetings and the trade show, I’ll have the Jeep packed and be ready to go so that we can get to St. Louis tonight.

It was ten years ago today that my life changed forever. On April 13, 1996, the path that lie before me became clear, my heart sang a song of love it had never known before and the searching I had done for all my life came to a completion.

It was ten years ago today that Earl and I had our first date.

Where does the time go? The old saying “time flies when you’re having fun” couldn’t be more precise. It seems like it was just yesterday that Earl and I were meeting up in Albany with a bunch of mutual friends for a night out on the town. It was a decade ago that Earl and I dumped those same friends in favor of jumping in my car and driving up through the mountains of Vermont. It seems like it was just moments ago that he put his hand on my knee for the very first time as we drove in my little Hyundai Excel, exploring the small New England towns, enjoying the beauty of it all and just talking, getting to know each other. Effortlessly. All the pieces came together, like a huge giant puzzle with no picture on the box to follow.

Everything clicked.

I will never forget that first weekend together. For it was that weekend that I found my best friend, my lover, my kindred spirit.

This is what I get for marrying a man from out of state. New York has a container deposit law on selected beverage containers. If it’s a beer or soda can or bottle, we pay five cents a piece on top of the selling price and then we are suppose to take them back to the store to get a refund. There’s a rule that applies; a store does not have to accept a can or bottle if it doesn’t sell that specific type of beverage. So even if Hannaford sells Pepsi products, they don’t have to accept 24 ounce cans if they only sell 16 ounce cans.

The other rule that Earl doesn’t quite get is that this only applies to beer and soda. It doesn’t apply to any other beverage. Water bottles, wine bottles and bottles of the nasty Sunny Delight are not returnable, they are to go into the recycling bin.

I don’t agree with the container law. It was a good idea back in 1984 before all the recycling programs of today, but with all the sorting, spindling and mutilating you have to do of garbage before it goes out to the curb, it seems silly to return these select bottles and cans when they could just be recycled.

I tend to get OCD about things like this. I have a separate bin for returnables. I’m considering putting up signs that say “beer and soda cans and bottles only”. I think Earl takes great delight in putting non returnable stuff in the returnable bin.

“Sweetheart, water bottles are recyclable, not returnable.”

“We don’t have returnable bottles in Pennsylvania.”

“I understand that, but you’ve lived in New York since 1995 and you’re a very intelligent man, I would think that you’ve grasped this concept by now.”

(big sigh), “New York”, he responds with a tsk tsk tsk motion of his head.

He then throws a milk bottle into the returnables to make his point.

People tend to be polar opposites when it comes to Valentine’s Day. They either love it or they hate it. I’ve heard some say that Valentine’s Day is a day for women, in that they get showered in candy and flowers and guys don’t really get into the spirit of this holiday. Others say that it’s all a bunch of bunk and they don’t need the sentiments and they certainly don’t need the love, they’ll do fine on their own. And still others are hopeless romantics; going out to dinner, exchanging gifts with their partner and cozing up together in the hot tub before calling it a night.

Want to guess which category I fit in?

I am very fortunate to have found the love of my life. Even after almost 10 years, there’s no doubts, no worries and no turning back.

When we took this picture back in 1997 just after our first year anniversary, we were just beginning. We were still getting to know each other. Here it is almost a decade later and I can still say “we’ve only just begun.” Life is a wild ride and I’m honored to say that I have the perfect co-pilot.

Nine years ago…

Originally uploaded by macwarriorny.

It was nine years ago today that Earl and I said “I do”. With Earl’s brother Rick and his girlfriend Helen as our witnesses, we stood at the end of the docks at Penns Landing in Philadelphia on December 26, 1996 and exchanged our vows; our commitment to one another for the rest of our lives. And when we said “I do”, we really meant “I do forever.” There’s no escape hatch, there’s no emergency exits, there’s no bailing out; we are both in it for life.

Every relationship has it’s high points and not so high points. Do we spend every single solitary moment together in marital bliss? Of course not. Are we happy? We’re beyond happy. I can still look at Earl to this day and not help but smile, even in the most heated of arguments (which are somewhat rare, thank the Universe). Earl and I are truly best friends and have a bond that absolutely cannot be broken. We celebrate all that life has to offer, the ups, the downs, the in-betweens. We are quick to take on any adventure as a unit of one. Whether we’re driving across the country in our Jeep, visiting with family or dealing with work-related stress (or arguing about money – he saves, I spend), I like to think that we tackle it head on, souls united.

Life constantly brings us new challenges and adventures. I am fortunate to experience it with my life partner.