Finding myself without lunch plans today, I phoned Earl to see if he was interested in meeting me for a quick bite to eat. Since today is a half work day for me, I was still home when I called. It turns out that his schedule prohibited him from joining me for lunch, but he apparently had some time to engage in an interesting conversation.

“Remember, tonight is the company Christmas party. It’s business casual.”

“Business casual, as in what I wear to work or business casual as in black tie without the rental costs?”, I asked inquisitvely.

“Business casual as in what you wear to work”, he replied. “What are you wearing to work today?”

“I have a pair of brown khakis on, without pleats of course, and one of my dress shirts. The belt and shoes match.”

“Which shirt?”, he asked, slightly panicked.

“The dark green one that has a suggestion of bear plaid”, I said.

“Oh that looks nice. I’ve always liked you in that shirt. You always look so good when you go to work. Don’t be surprised if I ask you to change when I get home.”

“Why? I thought you said I look nice”, I asked trying not to sound offended.

“Well I don’t want them to think that you’re a server. Remember, this is a company Christmas party.”

“I don’t think the servers will be wearing plaid.”

“I just want you to look nice,” he said.

Quick side note – I understand his concerns completely and will do my best to make a favorable impression.

“I’ll take it one step further. I won’t wipe my mouth on my sleeve and I’ll be sure to not go swimming in the punch. I draw the line at using the utensils. It’s so much faster to shovel it in with my hands.”

“Aren’t you funny”, he replied, exasperated.

“Can I lick the plate? And the plate of a person next to me?”

“I’ll see you at 4:30”, he said.

“I’ll be naked so you can dress me.”