August 11, 2007

I had the most bizarre dream last night. For some odd reason I was selected to be the gay male co-host on the next season of “The View”. There I was, sitting around the table with Joy, Barbara and Elisabeth with an “S” sharing my opinion on just about any topic. Barbara Walters looked older (maybe it was a nightmare) and Elisabeth with an “S” was shrieking like a yapping dog. After some political discussion and more barking from Elisabeth with an “S”, Joy brought up the topic of breast enhancements on women and how she believed that some women got them because their boyfriend or husband liked bigger breasts. These women didn’t want bigger breasts but they were basically being forced to get them. There was a picture of a woman with huge breasts up on the big screen. I remember spouting off my opinion and saying that I don’t get it as you don’t see many gay men injecting their junk with silicone to make themselves bigger and more attractive, why should women have to do the same thing with their breasts just to make their man happy. If they _want_ bigger breasts, well more power to them, but they shouldn’t _have_ to get them. I remember Barbara’s head falling down onto the table when I said “junk”. The audience went wild (good thing I didn’t say ‘dick’). Then I woke up because I suddenly had a paw in my eye (someone was telling me it was time for tuna).

This is a bizarre dream on several accounts. First of all, I never notice breasts. No offense to those that have them but they don’t do a thing for me so why look for them. In fact, I think this may have been the first time in 39 years that I’ve ever dreamed of breasts. Secondly, Earl and I haven’t watched The View since the second day after Rosie’s abrupt departure and we really have no interest in watching it again. I have no desire to be on The View. I don’t even want to sit in the audience.

Maybe I just have a big mouth.