June 7, 2007


After a busy evening of mowing the lawn and whatnot, Earl and I decided to go to one of the local ice cream stands for a refreshing treat. With the weather relatively nice, the place was crowded. We got in the shortest line, where two or three people were standing in front of us.

Until the nice family directly in front of us was joined by four gangly looking teenagers, presumably their children, and several busloads of friends. Naturally they all formed a mob in front of the 2-foot by 2-foot window and barked their order directly into the face of the window attendant, as if they were yelling into the clown’s mouth at Jack In The Box.

While the general assembly of fine family was each waiting their turn, two of the more nerdy children passed the time by “Force Blocking”, “Force Knocking” and “Force Lightsabering” each other. These two nerdy children were decked in glowing aluminum across their teeth.

Luke Skywalker wannabe tendencies aside, I instantly felt bad for these two nerds for a couple of reasons.

First of all, to the casual observer it would appear that they were destined to a life in mommy’s basement playing some obscure video game with others like them that are peppered throughout the quiet corners of society. I know I sound like a judgmental crank when I say this but I’m just calling it like I see it. I’ve seen what happens to those that place “Force Blocking” and refer to their friends as Jedis. Where’s a good Star Trekker when you need him in a sea of all these silly Jar Jar Binks wannabes.

Secondly, there are few things more horrifying on a summer night than seeing a teenager with their teeth clad in aluminum and rubberbands eating a wildly flavored ice cream cone. There are sprinkles spread from wire to rubberband and from zit to stray hair on these poor children that are already in their awkward stage, so Mommy and Daddy decided to ramp up the awkwardness by adding radar capabilities to their mouth.

Been there, done that. I think I was the only child in Upstate New York that had silver CAPS put on two of my bottom teeth that were designed to PRY my the two top teeth over them OUT when my mouth was closed. This is how I endured my time in eighth grade. The dentist urged me to assist the two solid, silver CAPS that were designed to pry the two teeth above them out by prying them with a popsicle stick when I watching television.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

So after resisting the urge to “Force Fling” an ice cream cone into the mother of this catastrophe’s face for not tipping the server after buying $19 worth of ice cream (she seemed like the type that could easily afford a buck, considering she wore an outdated prom dress to get ice cream), Earl and I finally had the opportunity to order our treat for the week.

I glanced to the right and saw the sprinkles flying around The Young Jedi.