September 25, 2006

Is That You, Loretta?

I just had the oddest experience. I was eating my lunch, catching up on blogs and minding my own business when the phone rang. After remembering the fact that I’m no longer on call and was able to shake off any jitters or panic attacks, I proceeded to answer the phone. I was hoping it was Earl calling to talk dirty to me during my lunch hour. Of course I didn’t check the caller ID.

“Hello?”, I said in the deepest, sexiest voice I could muster.

“Well hello Loretta, It’s Joanne.”, said an elderly voice on the other end. She sounded like a woman.

“Uh, I think you have the wrong number”, I said (deflated), lowering my baritone voice down into the James Earl Jones range.

“How’ve you been?”, asked Joanne.

“Well, I’ve been fine, but I don’t think you have the right number.” I began to paint a mental image of what this mysterious Loretta must look and sound like. I wondered if her mustache was red too.

“When do you want to get together?”

“I really think you have the wrong number.”

“Is this 1545? 5945? 4945?”, she asked, suddenly confused. I was confused too, because she had rattled off too many phone numbers. Perhaps she was trying to dial Egypt.

“None of the above”, I responded. Such wit.

“Well I was trying to call Loretta.”

“Well, I’m not her. Have a good day.”

If you see a woman with a husky voice and a red mustache, tell her Joanne called.