Absurd Heights.

Today marks the day of a new height in American Absurdity. I heard a commercial on the radio for a product called “Height Max”. Apparently aimed at short people, this product is a supplement you take if you’re between the ages of 15 and 25 and feel short. It’s packed with vitamins and amino acids and will help you strive for that height that you’ve always dreamed of. No longer will you be the short guy at the prom having to look up to your dance partner. The members of the basketball team will no longer laugh at you. Guys on the beach will no longer kick sand in your face and say “Back on the shrimp boat, shrimp.” With Height Max, you simply take this non-prescription supplement and faster than you can make a bionic ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch noise, your body will grow to its fullest potential.

Something sounds very unnatural about the whole thing.

“I was concerned about my 15 year old son. He seemed small for his age. But his confidence was restored and his self-esteem improved after taking Height Max. Why, he’s towering over me now!”

Give me a bleepin’* break.

I suspect this is the beginnings of social engineering where we start to weed out the less desirables. Too short? Take Height Max. Don’t like your dark hair? Color it. Don’t like your dark skin? Bleach it. Where does it all end?

A recent snapshot of me on Flickr showed a white streak I have in my mustache. In fact, it’s prominent enough that someone put a Flickr note on it that said “white?” From afar it may look like a boogie hanging out of my nose. But it’s not (or its not snot), it’s just a white streak I have in my mustache. It’s like Bonnie Raitt’s white streak in her hair. I wear it with pride. I’ve earned in. Why would I want to get rid of it? It’s part of me.

There are tall people, there are short people, there are those of us in between. Don’t take some crazy supplement to grow taller than you were intended to be. That’s crazy. Embrace who you are and deal with the hand you’ve been dealt.

* It’s not really a New Year’s resolution per se, but since I let out a few expletives at a recent party and scared away half the people at the dining room table, I’ve decided to calm down on the f-bombs.

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