December 6, 2004

Oh The Shoppers Outside Are Frightful.

Earl and I decided to a little bit of holiday shopping yesterday, opting to head to the Waterloo Premium Outlets in, well, Waterloo. Waterloo Premium Outlets is a big behemoth of a shopping experience. It’s all outside, save for a food court the size of a postage stamp. Now that I think about it, the food court is very small when compared to the rest of the plaza, which has over 100 name brand stores plopped on a piece of farm land in the middle of nowhere. So we packed up the Jeep with the necessary survival gear; water, slim jims, hats and gloves and other goodies one would save for the Iditarod and headed for a the promise of a joyous shopping experience.

Since the outlet center is entirely outdoors, I instantly noticed that the smokers that have banned from anything with a roof in New York State have headed to this cloud caressed monstrosity. Naturally, being the scorned smokers they are, they’re surly. They’ll stomp on your foot without a second thought if you block the door while they’re headed outside for a pollution break. And they’re loud and raucous, they’re scratchy throats shrieking incomprehensible conversation at Airbus decibels.

Another aspect we had not considered was that it wasn’t going to be very gay there. The gays don’t head for the bargain basement bric-a-brac like the straights do, save for the nasty looking lesbians in the Ford F350. O.k., o.k., I’m exaggerating, as we found a similarly minded bearish couple like ourselves that spotted us instantly. We kept within several paces of each other after the initial eye contact. They were cute. Perhaps there is safety in numbers as it’s possible we were all afraid of more truck riding lesbians arriving, or even surly smokers. Though we never got their names, their presence was a welcomed site. I made a point of driving by their car as they were leaving and giving them the peace sign. They waved back.

We did pick up some lovely Christmas ornaments at the Lenox outlet. One woman grabbed an ornament out of Earl’s hand but he has the sense to fight back like a lion going after a piece of meat. She let out a yell and then left to howl at the moon or something.

All in all, it was a memorable once a year experience (thank insert favorite diety here) that maybe we’ll skip next year. Unless the good looking guys are there again.